We live our lives day in day out taking one step at a time closer to the end. Some choose not to think about it, some embrace the thought and some freak out. No matter what you do, you will die, and the sooner you accept the fact that this is all you’ve got, the better chances of not wasting your life you have.
Bronnie Ware wrote an article in 2012 about people and their regrets after they were sent home to die. It is worth re-posting and reminding people that the right time is now. Not tomorrow, not in a week, but right here, right now….
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
As I am smashing my hammer against the wall I am thinking about my mother. The wall just reminded me of how much they are alike. I know, how odd is that when a wall reminds you of your mother?
Somebody some time long ago put in the half wall in the most ridiculous place. You can kind of see the reasoning but still it just doesn’t make sense. You look at the layout of the place and you keep wondering why there is this wall that almost has no purpose as just to abstract the view and complicate things.
Same way is my mother’s life. Sometime long ago somebody made her think or feel or just told her flat out – you ought to be this way. No reason, no understanding , no purpose – just be.
And so she went to develop all the characteristics of this half wall. Till this day she chooses to be the half wall in her own life and refuses to think that walls are not permanent. She refuses to remove these walls in fear that she will not live up to somebody’s expectations and will not have the purpose somebody else chose for her. However, she herself can’t explain that purpose or even knows it.
All she knows is – you ought to be this way…
Everyone should have a bucket list, right? So, here is mine
I took on a challenge to write about My Awakening and Moving on. Barbara is inspiring and I really like the way she shares her experiences and encourages other people to look deeper into themselves.
So, here is my entry for January 9th.
Awakening to who you truly are…is a lifelong process for some, a quick rock bottom for others, and will never happen for the rest of people.
Awakening is not a logical state one advances to. It is not something magical or something everybody should have or even want. Furthermore, it is not something that only a few chosen reach. Awakening is when you see things in their true light. Awakening is when you understand the difference between perception and reality.
Like the rest of the world throughout my life I had moments when I was utterly confused and lost. I did not know who I was, what I was doing here, and what my purpose was. So many times I felt like I was in a theater watching everybody else on the stage playing. They were so close but so far at the same time. Once in a while I felt like I had found my place but it lasted just for a few moments and I was back in the dark hole again.
I started looking around for answers. I wanted to know why nothing feels real, why people feel fake, why I feel fake, and why the truth is lingering in the air, but is so unreachable and always slips away.
I started my journey by reading books. Robert Scheinfeld’s “Busting loose from a money game” and Jed McKenna’s The enlightenment trilogy. Then I also explored Scheinfeld’s online program, “Path To True Joy”.
I chose to go down the rabbit hole. Two things turned my life upside down.
” how do you know that you are not dreaming right now?”
” you are going to die!”
As more I thought about them as deeper I reached within myself. Once you ponder long enough, life changes drastically. Let me ask you; if you found out that you will die tomorrow, what will truly matter today? What are things that will be important to you?
Exactly! I can see your marbles moving. Try to think about this for a while. Do not sweep your fear away, do not run, do not get back into your comfort zone and pretend like this doesn’t apply to you. YOU WILL DIE. The question is when – in 5 minutes, tomorrow, in 20 years?
We live in a world that is built on fear, false beliefs and rules that are not ours. We create layers and layers of lies, convictions, personalities, and roles. We get told and taught what is true, how we are supposed to live, what to desire, and how to think.
The truth is that THE Truth is out there. It’s all around us – in every moment of our lives, in sayings, in books, in poetry, and in quotes. One day you might have an AHA moment and you will never look back. You will not be able to. Once you see the truth, you can’t go back to the ignorance.
” Life is a dream, realize it.”
“Don’t believe what your eyes are showing you. All they show is limitation.”
“I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy. ”
“The process of enlightenment is not about becoming who you really are but about unbecoming who you never were.”
I know, you think you understand what these quotes are telling you, but let me tell you that most likely you don’t. If you did, you would not struggle, you would just be…
I’ve had glimpses of the truth. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have experienced it, and the more I allow myself to go with the flow, the happier I am. Once you see that people around you function and live based on fear (death, being different, disappointment, not fitting in, not living up to expectations, wrong choices), you start feeling the truth, you start embracing it, and living it.
What am I talking about? What kind of truth?
When you were born, you were an empty book. You had no understanding of what was right or wrong. You did not know what was good or bad. You did not have a set of words to describe things and you did not have experiences you associated with words and their meaning.
Now your book is almost full of references, words, and beliefs. You are a walking breathing Wikipedia of your people (parents, neighbors, teachers, friends, community). You live according to rules and beliefs that they taught you. This is a fact and it is the Truth. Your whole life is based on belief system of lies.
If I ask you to tell me what “bad” means, you will reach inside your memories and a collection of words and feelings to give a good description. Where did you get all that? Where did your beliefs, convictions, and morals come from? They are not yours. Remember, you were born without them.
Once you stop judging everything and once you stop comparing everything to a “good – bad” scale, you start living. If things just are, not good or bad, you experience them in a whole new way. You realize that you are not bound by them anymore. There are no such things as” I have to”, “this is the right thing”, “that’s what people do”, and etc.
Once you start realizing the falseness of who you have become, you start unlearning who you have never been.
There is only one thing you need to remember – everything in your life, including people, are the projection of your inner self and your beliefs. For something to be true, it has to be true for everyone.
Most of what we interact with is not the world itself. Those are our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our interpretation. We filter everything through our personal belief prism. We can’t just stand aside and allow things unfold as we have a very difficult time observing events without confusing them with the thoughts we have about them, and so the majority of what we experience is imaginary things.
It was a long way to this point and I still have a long way to go to be fully integrated and not divided with the Universe, Mother nature, and my own world.
However, I am still a spectator in the theater but this time I do not feel that there is something wrong because I know – it is my play. I choose to play whatever the game is. I am not a slave to my beliefs. I enjoy everything that comes my way as I trust in myself and the Universe that whatever needs to happen, whatever I authentically desire, it will be just given to me in a way that is the best – be it a heart ripping loss of somebody close or a lottery winning.
Happiness is not a goal or a destination, happiness is a journey. Beliefs are limiting. Fear is paralyzing. Wants are based on false beliefs. You need to unlearn everything you know and everything you have considered true, and find The Truth.
The next Post, January 10th is Korinn’s awakening experience… – http://www.korinn.com
January Challenge Schedule…
1st Barbara – http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com
2nd Paddy – http://paddypicasso.wordpress.com
3rd Emanuel- http://emantable.com/musings-of-a-table/
6th Julianne – http://juliannevictoria.com
7th Sarah – http://rayoflight7777.wordpress.com
8th Shree – http://heartsongsblog.wordpress.com
9th Dace – https://mywaytotruth.wordpress.com
10th Korinn – http://www.korinn.com
11th Sindy – http://bluebutterfliesandme.wordpress.com
12th Stefanie – http://dancingwithstefanie.com
13th Mick – http://meticulousmick.wordpress.com
14th Joss – http://ccwow.wordpress.com
15th Megan – http://mychroniclifejourney.wordpress.com
16th Pat – http://patinspire.org
17th Marga – http://lifeasimprov.com
18th Kimberley – http://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com
19th Becki – http://isurvivedamurderattackmyfamilydidnt.com
20th Serena – http://beingmefromatoz.com
21st Heather – http://wildflowerwomen.wordpress.com
22nd PurpleRay – http://purplerays.wordpress.com
23rd Sue – http://suedreamwalker.wordpress.com
24th M… – http://seeingm.wordpress.com
25th Brian G – http://middlepane.com
26th Dotta – http://dottaraphels.wordpress.com
27th CW – http://sunflowerrosecw.wordpress.com
28th Laurie – http://lauriesnotes.wordpress.com
29th Debra – http://ptero9.com
30th Linda – http://lindalitebeing.wordpress.com
31th Michael – http://navigator1965.wordpress.com
When are you going to come out of the closet? And I do not mean announcing that you are gay. I mean when are you going to have that difficult, hard, and heart wrenching conversation about that THING?
The other day I was watching a lesbian giving a speech on “The Closet” and she had an amazing point – we all have a closet and we all come out of the closet maybe once, maybe twice, maybe multiple times in our lives. I even reposted that on Facebook so this speech reaches more people than I can.
When we say, how did you come out of the closet, we might as well ask:
How did you tell your kids about the divorce?
How did you tell your mom about the cancer? Have you told anybody?
How did you tell your husband or wife about the rape? Will they ever find out?
How did you tell everybody about the death of….
How did you tell your spouse about the gambling problem?
How did you tell somebody that they are fired?
And I can continue – how did you…
The point to all this is – we are not coming out of the closet, we are just talking about things that are hard to talk about. Things that hurt us, that might not be understood and perceived well. We are talking about things that we might be keeping to ourselves for some time.
And it is so true – being afraid and hurting, a.k.a being in the closet, is not a place to be for any human.
Once you see it, you understand. It has nothing to do with being gay, it is about the hardest thing that we have ever done or will do. It is about those hard conversations that we have to have…
So, when are you coming out of the closet?
There is a saying: “…do not judge unless you walked a mile in that person’s shoes…” . We all know the saying, we all understand it but only a few live by it.
How many of us have thought to apply the same principle when it comes to our lives? Step back and take a look at the journey through somebody else’s eyes. It is a journey that you have taken to get here and it is a journey that you are on right now.
When you step back and forget all the rush, all the urgency, all pressing needs to take care of, all offenses, all the pain and hurt, all worries, you might see… You might see an amazing picture.
I am talking about reflecting back on everything you have experienced, every choice you made, every road you took, every chance you used, every chance that you allowed to slip by because you were afraid, every person you met, every person you lost, and the person you have become because of all previously mentioned.
Allow yourself to appreciate the journey that you have been on and open up to new adventures. Not that it will get better or worse but it will definitely bring new things – new awareness, new appreciation, new excitement…
You know that there are people out there that admire everything you have achieved and would love to have even a little piece of what you’ve got. Yes, all your mistakes, all your failures, all your heart breaks, all your happiness.
That is why I suggest that you step back and look at yourself through somebody else’s eyes….You might even like what you see…
You know how they say – when you are in love, you do not see reality. You are living in a dream state. You seem way too happy. You do not notice things around you, you do not worry, you are living in the moment.
But I say – it is the real life. When you are in love, you are not living in a dream, you are living the way you are supposed to. You are supposed to love, you are supposed to be in love every single moment of your life.
Please, do not misunderstand and take it as an affection towards one person. No, you are supposed to be in love with your life, with your job, with your car, with Mother Nature, with Sun, with your pillow, with everything that comes your way either that is a person or a situation.
When you are in love, things sort themselves out in a very natural way. You see things for what they truly are. You pay attention to what really matters and do not see things, events, and emotions that are just waste of your time.
Do you really need to be upset because somebody didn’t do their report on time? Does your life really depend on a guy who keeps counting pennies to pay for his coffee and it takes way too long? Somebody scratched your car! So what….Nothing in this life is worth except living and enjoying living.
If being in love is the actual reality, real life, then what is the rest – the day-to-day stuff?
Will you be surprised if I say, that is a dream? Everything around us is just an imaginative creation. It is just a perception of everything that happens. We interpret it as we see it fit depending on what mood we are in, thoughts we have , expectations, dreams, and desires.
So, I will say it again – when you are in love, you see things the way you are supposed to see them and you live your life how you are supposed to by defining your priorities. No, you do not owe anybody anything. No, you do not need approval to be who you are. No, you do not have to fit in and be live everyone else. No, you do not have to listen to your parents and make your choices based on their dreams. Don’t fill your heart with small unimportant stuff.
Yes, love is disgustingly awesome.