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What happens when it hurts too much to live?

Biology NewOh, the joys of life. Shit doesn’t stop coming till the day you die.

Life must be a fan. Because when the shit hits the fan, it is obviously entertaining for somebody somewhere but not necessarily for you at that exact moment.

It would be highly appreciated if we could get a heads up like receiving a text or flashing banner: ”Incoming!” or “Duck!”, but, I guess, it is a bit too much to ask.

Living is difficult. It is definitely not an easy thing to do especially if your life has gone from typical difficulties you can recover from to a consistent streak of loss, stress, pain, exhaustion, bad luck, etc., without any breaks. And what if that streak lasts for years?

I guess when you have one of those streaks lasting for way too long, the future might start looking bleak, the belief that it will get better starts fading and is replaced with the feeling of being backed into a corner.

At that point, you do not expect a miracle. A little break would be sufficient; an opportunity to escape for a short period of time and not think about responsibilities or despair of things you can’t change.

So, what should you do when it hurts too much to live?

  • Remind yourself that everyone hurts sometimes. You are not alone. It doesn’t change anything but the fact that you are aware of other people being in similar situations, makes a difference.
  • Celebrate successes. Even in the worst situation, there are little successes that you can acknowledge and celebrate. Even the fact that you got out of bed and made coffee is a reason to be proud of yourself
  • Find something good. Yes, it takes imagination and effort to be able to see anything good in a painful situation but not impossible.
  • Be compassionate towards your own struggles. We are able to show compassion towards others but mostly lack the ability to show compassion towards ourselves. You are only a human and you are struggling. Be compassionate. Understand that sometimes there are forces beyond our reach and beyond our influence that determine what happens.
  • Accept the burn. Accepting the situation, accepting the emotional burn, allows you to use the light and the power it generates (anger, determination, and stubbornness) to guide you through whatever you are going through. Don’t let it burn you. Use it as a motivation, use it as a driving force to hang on a little longer till you find your way out
  • Remember, you always have a choice…There are always two ways out of any hopeless situation. They might not be pretty and might not be what you’d want, but you either fight or give up

I say, let it burn, go with the flow, and see where it takes you….

Tiptoeing Around

boy-tiptoeingAnd here we go round and round our not so little EGO.

EGO is like that annoying splinter that is not bothering you all the time but when it does, it really puts an effort into it. No matter how hard you try,  you can’t get it out. You have to wait till your body gets irritated enough, inflamed, full of puss, and then expels it. Who knows when you will get irritated enough to get your EGO under control. You can’t exactly expel it like a splinter but you can work with it and somehow get it under control.

No matter how hard you try,  you can’t get it out. You have to wait till your body gets irritated enough, inflamed, full of puss, and then expels it. Who knows when you will get irritated enough to get your EGO under control. You can’t exactly expel it like a splinter but you can work with it and somehow control the direction it takes you.

Don’t you get frustrated with constant nagging and comparison to others? Don’t you get irritated by your own – I am good enough but not as good as I should be? Don’t you get irritated by – why don’t you be like so and so?

It’s like a broken record, it keeps going and going, and always comes back to the same spot where it started. You somehow manage to run around in circles trying to avoid dealing with whatever you need to but always end up coming back to where you started.

Somehow, it seems that human beings have 2 things in common – either avoiding the emotional pain or choosing the emotional pain as their purpose of existence. It’s either – “I do not want to deal with this” or “poor me”. It’s extremely rare: “Yeah, bring it on!”

How many people do you know who fit in the”Yeah, bring it on!” category? Do you think you are one of them?

How often do you take a deep breath and actually deal with it? How often do you just go with the flow of life and do not wish for it to be anything else but what it is?

It is so easy to celebrate success. It is so easy to be happy with whatever is happening that you like and feel pleased with. Unfortunately, life is not a walk in the park. Good times never last. It is way much harder to face the reality, deal with difficult people and difficult situations than to try to avoid everything else.

We usually choose the easiest path.  Sometimes we tip toe around whatever it is because it is easier and it is less stressful. We tiptoe around our own anxieties just to stay safe. We tiptoe around our fears, we tiptoe around any decision that will trigger sadness.

“I want to keep my sanity” – we tell ourselves. But is it actually true? Can you tiptoe around something without dealing with it and keep your sanity?

Life deals all kinds of funny cards and you have to play the game either you want it or not.  We never have an intention to break ourselves but, I guess, the more we tiptoe around ourselves the less we are able to keep our sanity. Your sanity depends on the state of your mind.

And what kind of state of mind can you have if all you do is tiptoe around everything that makes you uncomfortable?

Can you tiptoe around and still find a peace of mind?

Can you tell me what will happen when you stop tiptoeing?  What is the worst thing that can happen? Is your EGO going to get hurt, beaten down, vanished?

 

 

Trust…

20170704_202244~2For some people, this is just a picture of two house cats on a railing, but for me this is a moment of teary eyes. The little black and white autistic cat with so many psychological and physical challenges, whom we adopted because nobody would be able to take care of as well as we could, sleeping with our Maine Coon Russian Blue mix on the same railing.

A cat who hisses at the thin air; a cat who rips her fur off her head just because there are unknown stressors in her life; a cat who doesn’t except change; a cat who is allergic to everything with wings; a cat who has affection just for humans and only at night; a cat who doesn’t like to be picked up or touched unless it is her idea; a cat who doesn’t play well with other cats, chose to sleep on the railing with her adopted brother.

This is a moment when I started to believe in miracles. Little simple things in life make a huge impact, not just for me but for her, our little autistic Beans.

I look at this picture and can’t help to smile. Life works in mysterious ways. Things that seem impossible become possible. Things that seem helpless turn to be the best thing that could have happened to you.

Trust that everything happens for a reason. It’s almost never what you want or dream of, it is always what you actually need.

Trust – is one of the hardest things we can do. Trust is hard to earn but so easy to lose.

However, when it comes to life, you do not have the luxury of choice – you just have to trust.

 

Hang In There…

hang in thereDo you believe your life is about surviving? Do you think we survive at work, we survive at home, we survive in the relationship, and etc.? Do you think every single moment of your life is just hanging in there?

It is not so much in North America as much in the post-soviet union countries but it seems like every single moment of your life is perceived as a survival.

The other day I noticed that majority of my correspondence with friends and family back home ends with them telling me: hang in there. I don’t think they realize what they are saying or what words they are using. It’s just the way they have talked day in day out through generations.

Obviously, life is not easy. Our society works as a well-oiled machine only when everyone does their job to contribute and some people get the shitty part of the stick. However, if you perceive that everything you do is just hanging in, then the questions is – when do you live? When does the time come when you enjoy your life, when do you enjoy being, and when do you enjoy the journey you are on?

I have talked about this many times. Shit happens, life is a rollercoaster, but the suffering is an option. Life is not what you get, life is what you make out of it. I would hate to think that majority of people just exist to survive and can’t find anything positive in existence itself.

When I think of a generation of people from the post-soviet union era and compare it to people in some African countries, the post-soviet union seems like a paradise but, for some odd reason, people in Africa seem to be able to enjoy their lives much more. Why would that be so?

I don’t need to hang in there. I have a good life. A very good life. There is nothing that stands in my way of being happy except me. I have all my basic needs taken care of and all that is left is my attitude.

I guess, some people just don’t know what happiness is. They don’t realize that they are indeed masters of their own lives. The only reason they are not happy is because they choose to see the negative and ignore the positive. They don’t know what it means to be happy. They choose to complain about things they don’t have and refuse to acknowledge the truth – Happiness is a choice. It is not a thing that you need to find or buy.

“Hang in there” – is the last thing I want to hear. There is nothing to hang in for. I choose where my life goes. I choose to be happy. I choose to believe that my life is a journey and it goes up and down and I get to decide what path to take. I am not a victim of circumstances. I make my choices, I make decisions in my life. Sometimes the path I take is not smooth but it is just that – an adventure with a few unpleasant turns.

When the time comes and the game is over – then I will have something to complain about. Till then, I choose to love whatever comes my way – be it good or complicated, pleasant or unpleasant, things that upset me, hurt me, annoy me, make me smile, make me happy, make me angry, or make me feel nothing.

I live…and choose what I make out of my life. I do not hang in there…maybe just for a bit to scare the shit out of myself.

 

 

 

I love Myself today…bit by bit

985360-quasimodo3It never ceases to fascinate me how easily we find reasons not to like ourselves or sometimes even hate something about ourselves. Ability to be positive and accept “me” the way I am, is an extremely hard work.

We are more likely to accept people around us with challenges, special needs or physical ailments than to accept a wrinkle on our faces or a little donut around our waist.

It seems to me that we let people come into our lives for one reason and that reason is to teach us how to love ourselves. Some people come in and love us unconditionally, some people come in, love us, break us, and then leave, and some people come in and open up a door to the vastness of experience of life, feelings, love, and infinity of possibilities.

I can say for sure, that it seems to me, that we need other people to show us the way to the love of ourselvesunconditionally.

Hating ourselves is easy. The same way as it is easy to somehow miss all the positive, take it for granted and focus on everything we don’t want, don’t have, and are afraid of.

So, I decided to find one little thing about myself every day and fall in love with it. Instead of waiting for people to prove to me that I am worth loving, I will love myself one bit at a time. It is not going to be easy as from a very young age I have been taught that I am not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not anything enough in this world….

However, I think I am too much for the world to take especially if all I believe in is just my own perception and not necessarily real.

 

Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening

whynobodylistens

rumroadravings.com

Oh, boy. This is so familiar. How many times we have been in a meeting or at the family dinner where people yell louder and louder to be heard but, in reality, nobody is listening?

It’s amazing how from generation to generation the majority of kids are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe and that the world owes them something. That leads to all kinds of wonderful personalities. People who need to be heard no matter what. People who walk over everyone to get to the top. People who shut down and develop mental issues due to extreme stress of inability to fit in and participate in the rat race.

What about learning to appreciate the differences? What about remembering that nobody is perfect and everybody has their own struggles? What about remembering that in a big picture whatever needs to be yelled out is not important?

What about remembering that you are a human being who wants to love and be loved, and that participating in the rat race gets you closer and closer to losing yourself? Every time you think that you need to be, have to be, must be recognized or heard or taken in consideration regarding a business decision, politics, philosophy or other random social issue, you forget that happiness can’t co-exist with stress and an excessive need for a reward that boosts your self-confidence or self-esteem. Happiness means harmony and harmony is not all the above mentioned.

What in a world do we have to say that is so important that everyone has to hear it?

Verbal fights or disagreements are hardly ever won by brute force of yelling.

Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore

road-sun-rays-pathThere are so many paths to take, so many choices to make, so many jobs to experience, and so many relationships to start or to end.

I like these words: “the plot of your life…”, as when you really think about it, you realize that you play so many roles in your life like an actor and everything is like a little play with a plot.

A short list of plays you might be participating in right now:

“ Let’s have a job and make money”
“ I am a sister or a brother”
“ I am in a relationship”
“ I have an issue with my car and the car shop is toying with me”

All these are plays and all of them have a plot. The best part is – that you always have a choice if you want to participate in the play or not. The outcome of opting out might not be something that you like but there is always a choice to do or not to do something. And so the plot thickens…. J

I guess, Nodus Tollens comes right after the question” What in a world am I doing?”

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