Have you ever thought about THE LAST in your life? The last book you will ever read? The last kiss you will ever give? The last smile you will ever see? The last walk through the door in the house? The last lick of your dog or your cat? The last, whatever that is that you hoped would last forever and would be there every single day.
I am not exactly sure what made me think about this but I spent quite a few moments today pondering around all my lasts and it made me tear up. Some of the lasts were not actually “the very last time” but they felt like they were at that time. Some of the things, experiences, humans, pets, and feelings turned out to be the last when I thought they would last forever.
I consider it to be a gift of life to be able to wake up in the morning and feel. It is a gift of life to be given the time to feel one more time, to experience one more time, to enjoy one more time, to freak out one more time, to be in awe one more time, to cry one more time, to laugh one more time, to say “bye, see you later” one more time, to hug one more time, to feel one with Nature one more, to look into someone’s eyes and feel love one more time, and to take another breath one more time.
The most amazing and the cruelest thing in our lives is Change. Without it we would be lost, we would stay where we started, and we would continue existing in non-existence. The change also brings a lot of lasts and that is the reason we fear it. Sometimes Change brings joy, excitement, growth, happiness, and opportunities, but sometimes Change brings pain, loss, confusion, regret, fear, and total chaos. No kidding, talking about one’s growth.
One of the paradoxes in our lives is the fact that sometimes what is the last for us is the first-ever for someone else or vice versa. Isn’t that one of the Murfy’s laws?
The path less traveled doesn’t necessarily mean that other people have not chosen it. It just means that you would typically not choose to go that way. The path less traveled brings emotions you might not recognize. You might not have a well-understood emotional response or might not have a pre-established coping mechanism in place to be able to handle new or unknown feelings.
I have always admired people who suddenly choose a different path and somehow manage to re-emerge happier or fundamentally changed. What kind of magic mushrooms do they stumble upon?
I guess when you live your life knowing that you get to define who you are, then opinions don’t matter, past doesn’t matter, and experiences do not matter. Everything that has happened, everything that has been experienced, everyone whose path has crossed with ours, and every choice that has been made, is part of the path we take to grow and to evolve.
If we wonder often, the gift of knowledge will come. – Arapaho
You hear so many people on their death bed saying that the only things they regret are things that they did not do and experiences that they did not have because they were afraid to try or because they felt that they did not deserve something.
I guess it is our nature to constantly live in this limbo of wondering. Men, women, fluid gender, we are all just humans trying to be happy and live lives that bring joy.
The crazy part of this is to admit the turmoil, to admit the wondering, and to admit the uncertainty of our existence. Sometimes we think that we are going crazy, sometimes someone else calls us crazy, and sometimes it falls under the official term – mentally unstable. In reality, it doesn’t matter at all. Who cares if you sort of fit in, who cares if you live up to someone’s expectations, who cares if you are a valuable member of the society and make a significant contribution to the greater good, who cares if you got a degree, who cares if you have a house with a white picket fence?
There is only one question that trumps all of the other ones – Are you enjoying your life? If you are not, what are you going to do about it?
Fear is such a powerful force in our lives and sometimes I wonder if fear is indeed the basic instinct that ensures my survival or most of the time it is actually just something that I have been taught to respect and allow to determine the path I take.
Fear is an extremely strong emotion. It has a strong grasp on my thoughts. Fear has a strong grasp of my feelings and my mental state. I am afraid to lose myself. Fear makes you become a person whom you sometimes do not recognize anymore. Some people lose the battle and give in and never recover.
Yes, I am afraid, and I acknowledge my feelings. But, I also know that I need to lean into my fear and see it through because I know that Fear is a figment of my imagination. I am facing a battle that I have to fight with myself. This is a battle that needs to take place in my head. Doesn’t that sound a little bit crazy? The worst part is to admit that I am afraid. Once you have admitted the truth and have made peace with the fact that the only way out of this mess is to face the fear and just go for it, many aspects of fear will not matter anymore.
We live our lives in fear of being judged and that is the reason we always hide our feelings. We only share emotions that will be understood and supported. We share emotions that people can relate to and we almost never share fears that make people uncomfortable because discomfort makes people turn against you. This discomfort often reminds people of what they feel themselves and reminds them of the fear of being judged and misunderstood, and instead of supporting you, people choose what makes them feel safe and fit in, they turn against you.
The most ridiculous thing to realize is that as older you get as less you care about what other people think is right. It is because you have fought so many battles in your head and have been burned way too many times by making choices that you thought would be approved by the majority of people. And the majority of these battles turned out just to be just that – thoughts and fears in your head. And once the consequences of your choices kicked in, you realized that nobody actually cares; nobody gave you the praise or the medal for achieving the “fitting in” status. All you got at the end of your excruciatingly painful battle with yourself was unhappiness and nobody cared.
Once you get burnt by “nobody cares” too many times, you realize that no one can make you happy and no one is going to be there to support you. You know that the moment you step up and make a choice that will put you in a spotlight, there will be way too many people and so-called friends and family to point out your wrong choices and shame you for it, regardless if whatever you chose to do, made you happy and did not harm anyone else.
Some people still have hope of saving the world and they try to educate others and bring them into awareness, into the light, into harmony, into…whatever they think others need.
The truth is, when you are on your death bed, the only thing that will matter will be you and your choices. The only thing that will matter will be your satisfaction, your happiness, and the enjoyment of your life. It will not be fitting in. It will not be choices that you made to be accepted. It will not be – not sticking out. It will not be being like everyone else. It will not be the approval of other people. It will not be saving others. It will not be trying to wake people up. But it will always be your regrets of not being yourself and not making choices that would have potentially made you happy. It will always be something that you never tried. It will always be that one thing that you refused to try. It will always be that one person that you let get away. It will always be your choices that you made because you were afraid to disappoint someone.
We, humans, almost always avoid the topic of death and go on like we are immortal and will never die. Lately, I have been thinking about this a lot. I guess it is because I am getting older and because being happy is becoming more and more important to me. It is not like I have just woke up and realized that I am important. It is more like the acknowledgment that coming from a peaceful place and just being myself is always enough just for me. It is always enough because I do not need someone to like me; I do not need someone to approve of what I like; I do not need someone to agree with my choices; I do not need people to feel like I have a purpose. I know I have a purpose and it’s nobody’s business but mine. I do not have to justify or explain or fit in. I am enough.
It has happened before us, it is happening now, and it will keep happening way long after you are gone – people always have an opinion.
The greatest thing about an opinion is that it is based on what you think is true today. It is just an opinion, which might change, morph, or stay the same. An opinion is not a fact, it is not everyone’s opinion, and it sure should not control how you feel about yourself.
Sometimes the journey to the realization that you do not need to apologize for who you are takes too long and sometimes you never make it. Sometimes you never accept yourself for who you are because the judgment in your own head is so loud that it overpowers everything else.
Why is it so hard to be kind to yourself? Why is it so hard to be proud of who you are? Why do you want to be unique but still be part of the crowd and be accepted? Why instead of finding reasons to be happy, sometimes, we waste our time tearing down others in an attempt to stop feeling the pain?
Why sometimes instead of following our dreams and following our hearts we take into consideration other people’s opinion and give in the popular choices? We give in and then feel like we have no control over our personal lives; we feel trapped; we drown in the ocean of emotions and insecurities.
And when you hit the rock bottom and start feeling like you can’t breathe, you look for ways out and the only way to do so is to have an honest no bullshit conversation with yourself and the world around you.
So, what does that mean to have an unapologetic conversation?
First things first – you have to stand up for what you believe in while you look your fear straight in the face. As long as you are not hurting someone intentionally, you need to stay true to yourself.
Don’t ever allow yourself to become what other people think you should be. Your dreams and your happiness don’t have to fit the popular path. You are your own person.
Always thrive to better yourself. Don’t ever apologize for wanting to be more.
You need to remember that it is human to struggle and that sometimes you have to make decisions that might leave people behind, might leave people unhappy about your decisions, might leave people disappointed, and might leave people heart-broken but as long as your decisions do not do harm to anyone, you should not feel guilty.
Be honest, be emotionally raw, be transparent, be passionate, always be yourself regardless of how weird or unique you are. Don’t ever apologize for being you even if people attach labels to you, even if they assume things about you, even if people feel intimidated by your confidence, even if people try to humiliate you (it’s because they want to be you). Remember, everything we have today, every human rights advancement, and all scientific discoveries we have, it is because of people like you.
People, who never apologize for who they are and follow their dreams, have gotten us where we are today.
The path is there for you to take. You just need to start with that first unapologetic conversation.
Like every morning, I was on a train heading to work. That morning I felt like I was coming down with something and my head was just not right. I felt that my sensory receptors were all messed up. The sound, the smell, the vision, the touch – everything was misfiring. Things that usually were pleasant and enjoyable suddenly seemed annoying and out of place.
I was looking around and realized that everyone was ugly. Every single person on the train was ugly. It’s amazing what some kind of flu can do to you and how it can impact the way you perceive the world around you.
Even though I was looking around in total horror, I knew, this was not the world I knew; this was not the world that I loved. However, it was a really good reminder of the fake world I live in. The reason everyone seemed so ugly was – advertisement. You know, all those posters on street corners and TV ads that show 1/100 of a population that is deemed to be beautiful to convince you to buy stuff.
The reality of it all is that you are targeted to think that stuff you buy online will somehow make you better, somehow will fix your imperfections, somehow will make you more desirable, prettier, more handsome, more …
I know my worth. I know that posters lie when they tell me that the only way to be happy is to be skinny, to have a perfect face, perfect features, perfect teeth, and etc.
I do not need other people’s approval to feel content. I know that. I know that I and only I am responsible for my own happiness. I know that neither clothes nor lotions will improve my self-confidence. I know that happiness is not obtained by owning things or by looking a certain way or by achieving a certain status in our society. But, I also know that there are so many people that do not know that, do not feel that, and do not believe that they are enough.
This world has become a rotten place. And what I mean by that is that everything is driven by a desire to be rich, to be independent, and to be well off. People want to be successful businessmen/businesswomen, so they buy information and education on how to cater you and how to reach into to your insecurities. People want to attract the right audience to sell their stuff but, it seems, that instead of addressing the need, they actually create Despair. Do you really need botox or that new cover-up foundation to hide your imperfections to make you perfect?
I know that but do the majority of society does? Do you think that young teenagers know the difference between marketing and reality?
I knew that the ugliness of people on the train is actually the utmost perfection of our Mother Nature. You are beautiful because you are ugly. I mean it. Ugliness is not being ugly. Ugliness is an amazing uniqueness of you being you of being different and it is a beautiful thing. Ugliness is the real Beauty. Ugliness is just being different and being unique and not looking like a face on the poster.
Think about it. You are loved because you are not like everyone else. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for people to realize that sometimes it is a curse to be considered beautiful as everyone is seeing you as a trophy or some kind of a magical unicorn. You are the eye candy, the trophy, the poster on the wall, that is used because whoever is pursuing you, most likely, is extremely insecure and struggles with the low self-esteem. They look for a poster to display to feel good about themselves. They don’t care about what you like or what makes you happy. You are just a very expensive prestige thing to show to others. It’s almost like you are the ugly thing that no one wants for who you are but wants you for the value that you are.
Of course, it doesn’t always fully apply to everyone. There are exceptions to this rule. I am just talking about my feelings riding the public transportation and comparing people to the only reference I had – a poster of pretty people that I saw on the platform before I boarded the city train.
It is amazing how simple things like posters can make you write a blog post just because your body decided to take a day off. At the end of the day, “ugly” is the new beautiful. I am ugly, you are ugly, everyone is ugly. We are ugly in one way and beautiful in many other ways.
We are ugly to some people and the most beautiful thing in this world to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – a well known saying. In my world, the most important part of that train ride with ugly people is that I actually enjoyed the experience. It was mind-blowing, it was disgusting, it was funny, and it was so thought-provoking. That was exactly what I needed.
So, let’s be ugly and love it!
This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) blog challenge – Divine mission possible
The challenge is this:
Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.
Oh, Yeah, mission possible or impossible – just write.
I guess, figuring out what your purpose in this life is or figuring out what your mission in life is or figuring out why the h**l you are here for, is the most sought-after question, and, I think, I have shared my thoughts on this in one of my blog posts some time ago. I don’t like labels and I do not like assuming that I know what my spiritual mission might be. I might be a lightworker, I might be Indigo, I might just be a figment of someone’s imagination.
But, you know, it doesn’t matter what my mission on earth is. What matters is – that I realize that no one is going to get out of this alive. And what does that have to do with anything? I think the answer is the most obvious realization – everything. That statement should set off all the bells in my head. Nothing and nobody matters. What matters is that I live my life and enjoy it. What matters is that I choose what makes me happy.
I have said it before and it has been said by so many before me – you are going to die. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 20 years, and maybe in 100. When you die, actually, depends on what you want and what you believe in.
Deep down I know and you know, and, hopefully, everyone else around us realizes that nobody’s opinion or beliefs are important to you or me or them. Life is such a fragile thing – stuff happens either you want it or not. People will always judge you by how you made them feel. What you have done or achieved doesn’t matter to anyone except you and people who got positively impacted by your actions.
At the end of the day, you only matter to yourself and people who love you and think that they need you in their lives to be happy.
In my humble opinion, it is a mission impossible to be able to live a perfect life when you do the right thing for others. However, it is mission “possible” to live your life so you are happy. When you are happy and you thoughtfully, without intentionally hurting others, choose what is best for you, you make people around you happy. If you are happy, you share your happiness. If you are not happy, that is the only thing you have to share with the world around you. So, by somewhat being selfish you, actually, make the world a better place.
I just want to point out, that I am not talking about being greedy, being mean, being inconsiderate or being intentionally hurtful. I am talking about just choosing not to worry about other people’s opinion on what you need to be or what choices you need to make so they feel comfortable in their own skin. I am talking about living your own life, being who you are, and making choices that make you happy.
You know, how sometimes parents ask you to not tell people about what you do or who you are, and you know that they are asking you to lie or hide the truth because it would somehow make them look bad? That is exactly what I am talking about. It is not your responsibility to make your parents’ dreams come true. It is not your responsibility to make sure they feel good about themselves. It is not your responsibility to pick a path that they do not perceive to be embarrassing. They have their own path to choose, their own choices to make and their own happiness to experience.
Your mission in life is to live your life with a smile on your face and enjoy every choice you make. It is not an easy choice to choose yourself over your parents, your friends, your family, and/ or your community. However, at the end of the day when you are about to die, would any of them matter? Of course not! The only thing that will matter when you are about to say goodbye to this opportunity, so-called – life, will be the regret that you always valued other people’s opinions more than your own want to be happy.
When I choose “me” and make choices that make me happy, I also attract more things that make me happy and content.
My mission in life is to laugh more, enjoy more, be more…and make things possible. My happiness depends only on me and me only. Nobody is responsible for my happiness – neither people nor their choices nor circumstances. I am alone responsible for my own life and for making it possible. When I am happy with who I am and life that I live, only then I am able to share this happiness with someone else. And only then it is possible…
I would like to ask Carolyn Page to join the conversation if she chooses to share her light and talk about her mission in life. She is one of the people that always makes me smile and reminds me of a never-ending light.
4 years ago I signed up to write a blog post on my journey to awakening. It’s time I revisit my journey and look back to where I was and see where I am today. So, here I go again – I am writing again. There are 31 days in October and 31 great human beings are going to share their stories. Check them out. At the end of this post, there is a list of all who have chosen to participate.
October 29th belongs to a yogi, philosopher, mystic, tantric, wanderer, seeker, searcher, lover of freedom https://alohaleya.com/
And The Journey Continues for me…
Once you stop blaming everything and everyone around you for the way your life is unfolding and start looking for answers inside yourself, you start noticing that answers to your questions have always been right here.
It’s so easy to blame other people and circumstances about everything that is not going right. It is so easy to look around for the reason we feel discomfort with the current situation. It is also so easy to be pulled into feeling and thinking negative thoughts and not seeing the reason why things happen the way they do.
You know the saying: If you can’t change the situation, change the way you feel about it.
If you put an effort into finding positive in everything and everyone, you start noticing that suddenly things resolve themselves. It is as simple as that. As soon as you stop trying to control people and the existing situation and focus on how you feel about it by replacing every negative thought with positive, things just aline.
Life is not complicated, we make it complicated. We, humans, somehow manage to complicate everything. We want to control Life and always feel better, always feel comfortable, always blame others for bringing discomfort, blame circumstances for not having access to things to live life the way we want.
So far my humble journey has brought me to an understanding that I alone am responsible for my own happiness. My journey is not about creating awareness of something great, infinite, mind-blowing. My journey is only my journey to get in touch with me and find that great, infinite, mind-blowing love for myself and the world around it.
It’s still true that everything that is happening to me and every person in my life is my own doing as my choices are defined by how I feel about myself and the world around.
Everything I perceive to be true is still defined by my beliefs. Everything I believe I want or don’t want happens to me because of the choices I make.
The Law of Attraction, as vague as it sounds to some people, works in mysterious ways and always attracts what you think you deserve and attracts everything that supports how you feel about yourself.
In other words, if you are afraid to die from sickness and all your attention is focused on getting sick or not wanting the sickness, you still focus on the sickness. How are you supposed to end up loving life and enjoying health if you are constantly focused on things that you do not want? And if you are focused on things that you do not want, then, definitely, you are not focused on things that you actually want.
“I do not want to be sick”, “I do not want this”, and “I want not to be sick” is not the same as “I am healthy”. If you see sickness as the center of your attention and not the health, then how are you supposed to even attract health? You are clearly paying more attention to what you don’t want even though the words you use are: ” I want not to be sick”.
To be honest, I do not exactly know where I am in my journey to awareness. I just know that I am on a journey and I am enjoying it. Yes, sometimes things do not go the most enjoyable route but, nonetheless, it is my journey and it is something that I have created for myself.
I make an effort to consciously find the best in people and find the best in every situation, especially when I am uncomfortable and this journey of self-awareness has taken me way further than an old journey of trying to control everything around me to feel better.
I do not see things and people as a reason why I am not happy. I know I am the reason I am happy or not happy.
I am the reason that I might not have all the money in the world to live comfortably. And the reason for it is – I focus on not having enough money rather than focusing on having it for everything I want and need. How can I ever have unlimited funds if I focus on not having them and not being able to control the way these funds come to me?
Let the awakening of who we truly are guide us to awareness of how we can live without limits.
1 Joseph – Seeing the Whisper
2 Jan – Jan Beek
3 Kimberley – MeMyMagnificentSelf (temporarily posted here)
4 Barbara – MeMyMagnificentSelf
5 Ka – Fiesta Estrellas
7 Tomas – New Earth Heartbeat
9 Gina – A lifeless lived blog
12 CW – Sunflowerrosecw
13 Balroop – Emotional Shadows
14 Brooke – SerpentGuide
15 Leigh – Bluegrassnotes
22 Tania – Taniamarieartist
24 Wendy – Thecompanyofspirits
25 Michael – Embracingforever
26 Sue – Dreamwalker’ssanctuary
27 Edith – Newbeginnings
28 Dace – Mywaytotruth
29 Aleya – Alohaleya
30 Linda – Litebeing
31 Joseph- Seeingthewhisper