Unapologetic Conversation

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It has happened before us, it is happening now, and it will keep happening way long after you are gone – people always have an opinion.

The greatest thing about an opinion is that it is based on what you think is true today. It is just an opinion, which might change, morph, or stay the same. An opinion is not a fact, it is not everyone’s opinion, and it sure should not control how you feel about yourself.

Sometimes the journey to the realization that you do not need to apologize for who you are takes too long and sometimes you never make it. Sometimes you never accept yourself for who you are because the judgment in your own head is so loud that it overpowers everything else.

Why is it so hard to be kind to yourself? Why is it so hard to be proud of who you are? Why do you want to be unique but still be part of the crowd and be accepted? Why instead of finding reasons to be happy, sometimes, we waste our time tearing down others in an attempt to stop feeling the pain?

Why sometimes instead of following our dreams and following our hearts we take into consideration other people’s opinion and give in the popular choices? We give in and then feel like we have no control over our personal lives; we feel trapped; we drown in the ocean of emotions and insecurities.

And when you hit the rock bottom and start feeling like you can’t breathe, you look for ways out and the only way to do so is to have an honest no bullshit conversation with yourself and the world around you.

So, what does that mean to have an unapologetic conversation?

First things first – you have to stand up for what you believe in while you look your fear straight in the face. As long as you are not hurting someone intentionally, you need to stay true to yourself.

Don’t ever allow yourself to become what other people think you should be. Your dreams and your happiness don’t have to fit the popular path. You are your own person.

Always thrive to better yourself. Don’t ever apologize for wanting to be more.

You need to remember that it is human to struggle and that sometimes you have to make decisions that might leave people behind, might leave people unhappy about your decisions, might leave people disappointed, and might leave people heart-broken but as long as your decisions do not do harm to anyone, you should not feel guilty.

Be honest, be emotionally raw, be transparent, be passionate, always be yourself regardless of how weird or unique you are. Don’t ever apologize for being you even if people attach labels to you, even if they assume things about you, even if people feel intimidated by your confidence, even if people try to humiliate you (it’s because they want to be you). Remember, everything we have today, every human rights advancement, and all scientific discoveries we have, it is because of people like you.

People, who never apologize for who they are and follow their dreams, have gotten us where we are today.

The path is there for you to take. You just need to start with that first unapologetic conversation.


We Are All Ugly

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Like every morning, I was on a train heading to work. That morning I felt like I was coming down with something and my head was just not right. I felt that my sensory receptors were all messed up. The sound, the smell, the vision, the touch – everything was misfiring. Things that usually were pleasant and enjoyable suddenly seemed annoying and out of place.

I was looking around and realized that everyone was ugly. Every single person on the train was ugly. It’s amazing what some kind of flu can do to you and how it can impact the way you perceive the world around you.

Even though I was looking around in total horror, I knew, this was not the world I knew; this was not the world that I loved.  However, it was a really good reminder of the fake world I live in. The reason everyone seemed so ugly was – advertisement. You know, all those posters on street corners and TV ads that show 1/100 of a population that is deemed to be beautiful to convince you to buy stuff.

The reality of it all is that you are targeted to think that stuff you buy online will somehow make you better, somehow will fix your imperfections, somehow will make you more desirable, prettier, more handsome, more …

I know my worth. I know that posters lie when they tell me that the only way to be happy is to be skinny, to have a perfect face, perfect features, perfect teeth, and etc.

I do not need other people’s approval to feel content.  I know that. I know that I and only I am responsible for my own happiness. I know that neither clothes nor lotions will improve my self-confidence. I know that happiness is not obtained by owning things or by looking a certain way or by achieving a certain status in our society. But, I also know that there are so many people that do not know that, do not feel that, and do not believe that they are enough.

This world has become a rotten place. And what I mean by that is that everything is driven by a desire to be rich, to be independent, and to be well off. People want to be successful businessmen/businesswomen, so they buy information and education on how to cater you and how to reach into to your insecurities. People want to attract the right audience to sell their stuff but, it seems, that instead of addressing the need, they actually create Despair. Do you really need botox or that new cover-up foundation to hide your imperfections to make you perfect?

I know that but do the majority of society does? Do you think that young teenagers know the difference between marketing and reality?

I knew that the ugliness of people on the train is actually the utmost perfection of our Mother Nature. You are beautiful because you are ugly. I mean it. Ugliness is not being ugly. Ugliness is an amazing uniqueness of you being you of being different and it is a beautiful thing. Ugliness is the real Beauty. Ugliness is just being different and being unique and not looking like a face on the poster.

Think about it. You are loved because you are not like everyone else. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for people to realize that sometimes it is a curse to be considered beautiful as everyone is seeing you as a trophy or some kind of a magical unicorn. You are the eye candy, the trophy, the poster on the wall, that is used because whoever is pursuing you, most likely, is extremely insecure and struggles with the low self-esteem. They look for a poster to display to feel good about themselves. They don’t care about what you like or what makes you happy. You are just a very expensive prestige thing to show to others. It’s almost like you are the ugly thing that no one wants for who you are but wants you for the value that you are.

Of course, it doesn’t always fully apply to everyone. There are exceptions to this rule. I am just talking about my feelings riding the public transportation and comparing people to the only reference I had – a poster of pretty people that I saw on the platform before I boarded the city train.

It is amazing how simple things like posters can make you write a blog post just because your body decided to take a day off. At the end of the day, “ugly” is the new beautiful.  I am ugly, you are ugly, everyone is ugly. We are ugly in one way and beautiful in many other ways.

We are ugly to some people and the most beautiful thing in this world to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – a well known saying.  In my world, the most important part of that train ride with ugly people is that I actually enjoyed the experience. It was mind-blowing, it was disgusting, it was funny, and it was so thought-provoking. That was exactly what I needed.

So, let’s be ugly and love it!

Ready, Set, Blog! Divine Mission- Possible

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This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) blog challenge – Divine mission possible

The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Oh, Yeah, mission possible or impossible – just write.

I guess, figuring out what your purpose in this life is or figuring out what your mission in life is or figuring out why the h**l you are here for, is the most sought-after question, and, I think, I have shared my thoughts on this in one of my blog posts some time ago. I don’t like labels and I do not like assuming that I know what my spiritual mission might be. I might be a lightworker, I might be Indigo, I might just be a figment of someone’s imagination.

But, you know, it doesn’t matter what my mission on earth is. What matters is – that I realize that no one is going to get out of this alive. And what does that have to do with anything? I think the answer is the most obvious realization – everything. That statement should set off all the bells in my head. Nothing and nobody matters. What matters is that I live my life and enjoy it. What matters is that I choose what makes me happy.

I have said it before and it has been said by so many before me – you are going to die. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 20 years, and maybe in 100. When you die, actually, depends on what you want and what you believe in.

Deep down I know and you know, and, hopefully, everyone else around us realizes that nobody’s opinion or beliefs are important to you or me or them. Life is such a fragile thing – stuff happens either you want it or not. People will always judge you by how you made them feel. What you have done or achieved doesn’t matter to anyone except you and people who got positively impacted by your actions.

At the end of the day, you only matter to yourself and people who love you and think that they need you in their lives to be happy.

In my humble opinion, it is a mission impossible to be able to live a perfect life when you do the right thing for others. However, it is mission “possible” to live your life so you are happy. When you are happy and you thoughtfully, without intentionally hurting others, choose what is best for you, you make people around you happy. If you are happy, you share your happiness. If you are not happy, that is the only thing you have to share with the world around you. So, by somewhat being selfish you, actually, make the world a better place.

I just want to point out, that I am not talking about being greedy, being mean, being inconsiderate or being intentionally hurtful. I am talking about just choosing not to worry about other people’s opinion on what you need to be or what choices you need to make so they feel comfortable in their own skin. I am talking about living your own life, being who you are, and making choices that make you happy.

You know, how sometimes parents ask you to not tell people about what you do or who you are, and you know that they are asking you to lie or hide the truth because it would somehow make them look bad? That is exactly what I am talking about. It is not your responsibility to make your parents’ dreams come true. It is not your responsibility to make sure they feel good about themselves. It is not your responsibility to pick a path that they do not perceive to be embarrassing. They have their own path to choose, their own choices to make and their own happiness to experience.

Your mission in life is to live your life with a smile on your face and enjoy every choice you make. It is not an easy choice to choose yourself over your parents, your friends, your family, and/ or your community. However, at the end of the day when you are about to die, would any of them matter? Of course not! The only thing that will matter when you are about to say goodbye to this opportunity, so-called – life, will be the regret that you always valued other people’s opinions more than your own want to be happy.

When I choose “me” and make choices that make me happy, I also attract more things that make me happy and content.

My mission in life is to laugh more, enjoy more,  be more…and make things possible. My happiness depends only on me and me only. Nobody is responsible for my happiness – neither people nor their choices nor circumstances. I am alone responsible for my own life and for making it possible. When I am happy with who I am and life that I live, only then I am able to share this happiness with someone else. And only then it is possible…

I would like to ask Carolyn Page to join the conversation if she chooses to share her light and talk about her mission in life. She is one of the people that always makes me smile and reminds me of a never-ending light.

And The Journey Continues… A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part III

4 years ago I signed up to write a blog post on my journey to awakening. It’s time I revisit my journey and look back to where I was and see where I am today. So, here I go again – I am writing again. There are 31 days in October and 31 great human beings are going to share their stories. Check them out. At the end of this post, there is a list of all who have chosen to participate.

October 29th belongs to  a yogi, philosopher, mystic, tantric, wanderer, seeker, searcher, lover of freedom https://alohaleya.com/

And The Journey Continues for me…

Once you stop blaming everything and everyone around you for the way your life is unfolding and start looking for answers inside yourself, you start noticing that answers to your questions have always been right here.

It’s so easy to blame other people and circumstances about everything that is not going right. It is so easy to look around for the reason we feel discomfort with the current situation. It is also so easy to be pulled into feeling and thinking negative thoughts and not seeing the reason why things happen the way they do.

You know the saying: If you can’t change the situation, change the way you feel about it.

If you put an effort into finding positive in everything and everyone, you start noticing that suddenly things resolve themselves. It is as simple as that. As soon as you stop trying to control people and the existing situation and focus on how you feel about it by replacing every negative thought with positive, things just aline.

Life is not complicated, we make it complicated. We, humans, somehow manage to complicate everything. We want to control Life and always feel better, always feel comfortable, always blame others for bringing discomfort, blame circumstances for not having access to things to live life the way we want.

So far my humble journey has brought me to an understanding that I alone am responsible for my own happiness. My journey is not about creating awareness of something great, infinite, mind-blowing. My journey is only my journey to get in touch with me and find that great, infinite, mind-blowing love for myself and the world around it.

It’s still true that everything that is happening to me and every person in my life is my own doing as my choices are defined by how I feel about myself and the world around.

Everything I perceive to be true is still defined by my beliefs. Everything I believe I want or don’t want happens to me because of the choices I make.

The Law of Attraction, as vague as it sounds to some people, works in mysterious ways and always attracts what you think you deserve and attracts everything that supports how you feel about yourself.

In other words, if you are afraid to die from sickness and all your attention is focused on getting sick or not wanting the sickness, you still focus on the sickness. How are you supposed to end up loving life and enjoying health if you are constantly focused on things that you do not want? And if you are focused on things that you do not want, then, definitely, you are not focused on things that you actually want.

“I do not want to be sick”, “I do not want this”, and “I want not to be sick” is not the same as “I am healthy”. If you see sickness as the center of your attention and not the health, then how are you supposed to even attract health? You are clearly paying more attention to what you don’t want even though the words you use are: ” I want not to be sick”.

To be honest, I do not exactly know where I am in my journey to awareness. I just know that I am on a journey and I am enjoying it. Yes, sometimes things do not go the most enjoyable route but, nonetheless, it is my journey and it is something that I have created for myself.

I make an effort to consciously find the best in people and find the best in every situation, especially when I am uncomfortable and this journey of self-awareness has taken me way further than an old journey of trying to control everything around me to feel better.

I do not see things and people as a reason why I am not happy. I know I am the reason I am happy or not happy.

I am the reason that I might not have all the money in the world to live comfortably. And the reason for it is – I focus on not having enough money rather than focusing on having it for everything I want and need. How can I ever have unlimited funds if I focus on not having them and not being able to control the way these funds come to me?

Let the awakening of who we truly are guide us to awareness of how we can live without limits.

Joseph – Seeing the Whisper
Jan – Jan Beek
Kimberley – MeMyMagnificentSelf (temporarily posted here)
Barbara – MeMyMagnificentSelf
Ka – Fiesta Estrellas
Tomas – New Earth Heartbeat
Gina – A lifeless lived blog
12 CW – Sunflowerrosecw
Balroop – Emotional Shadows
Brooke – SerpentGuide
Leigh – Bluegrassnotes
Tania – Taniamarieartist
Wendy – Thecompanyofspirits
Michael – Embracingforever
Sue – Dreamwalker’ssanctuary
Edith – Newbeginnings
Dace – Mywaytotruth
Aleya – Alohaleya
Linda – Litebeing
Joseph- Seeingthewhisper

For Those Who Are Against Not Having It…

wpid-IMG_20131207_090738.jpgYou know that you go through life wondering why you do not have all the money in the world or why you do not have the perfect relationship or why your job is draining your energy or why you can’t have what you think you want. We all do, we all wonder why we don’t have something.

Some of us feel like we do not deserve something or we are not worthy or we are not smart enough or we are just not capable of or something is just impossible for whatever reason.

As humans, we always focus more on something that we do not want or do not have instead of something that we already have. I guess that is a human nature. Why would you focus on something that you already have and have been enjoying if there are so many things that you want but do not have?

We already know that life is way too short to sweat the small stuff but we still do. Sometimes we are lucky and somehow we manage to not care about certain things but, no matter how you look, we still always somehow pay more attention to what we do not have instead of appreciating what we do have.

When I look at myself, I see that whatever makes me feel good and content will not keep me focused for long and I somehow always manage to shift my focus on whatever makes me feel uncomfortable or makes me afraid or makes me angry or annoyed. And sometimes I even ask myself why I am so silly and focus on things that I do not want and not focus on things that I do want.  If something makes me happy and makes me content, wouldn’t it make more sense that I would want to keep that feeling and keep paying attention to it more than a fear of potentially losing the happiness?

I do not know about you but I keep laughing at myself and some other people who keep saying that they want to win the lottery because they want to quit their jobs and have a lot of money. At the end of the day, once you buy a house and a fast car and maybe have your personal plane, you will run out of material things that you can buy and enjoy, and you will still be missing the whole point of your existence. Money gives you the opportunity to enjoy material things of life but it doesn’t change your thinking.

No, I do not know the meaning of life and, no, I do not have answers, but I still believe that the reason I live is to enjoy the journey of life. There are only two things I know to be true – I exist today and I will die one day. No matter what I believe is the purpose of my life, what will matter at the end of it all is – did I enjoy my journey and do I regret not doing something?

We can join groups of investment gurus, we can sign up for all kinds of courses on self-betterment, we can even mentor someone on how to be happy but, at the end of the day, it is still a group of people who do not have whatever they think they need to be happy and whatever they need to live fulfilling lives.

I am learning to let go and learning to stop fighting the flow of life. Me fighting and resisting everything that comes, just makes me more miserable. Stressing out and complaining about things will not change anything, it will just magnify the feeling of discontent, and then the feeling of discontent will create an environment of additional reasons to complain. It’s like a vicious circle.

So, let’s join more groups with those who are against not having it, so we can strategize and discuss how horrible it is to not have whatever we want and desire instead of letting life take its course and give us what we want.

Simple thing – stop controlling everything…just let go


Another Heart Break

20180122_202333.jpgThat day has come again when my heart gets ripped in pieces.

When you get comfortable with life and when you feel that you are in a decent place, not really thriving and fully enjoying life but somehow managing to stay sane in the rat race, something even more devastating hits you.

All this positive talk. All this self-growth. All this – go with the flow of life. All this and that…is just sometimes not enough to protect you from the pain of loss.

Loss is something that reaches the core of your being and just shreds you from within.

Of course, you survive and go on. You find a way. If you realize that life is just a flow of events and happiness depends on your choices to be happy and enjoy every moment, then things usually do not seem as dark as they would seem if you are stuck in the rat race.

However, loss of somebody you love is something that just cuts little pieces out of your heart and soul, makes you bleed, beats you down, sucks almost all positivity out of you.

With every loss, a small piece of your hearts dies off. How much a heart can take? Do you think that maybe at one point you will just find yourself empty and broken because every piece of your heart has been shattered and there is just nothing left?

Do you think that maybe there is a possibility of not being able to recover? Or do you think that no matter how much loss we experience, we can still find love within ourselves to keep going?

The Gift I Do Not Want

fireWe all are born with some kind of gift. Something that makes you different from others. Something that you either love and embrace or something that you do not appreciate or want.

Being intuitive is a curse. It feels like Mother Nature has forgotten to gift the ability to turn a blind eye, accept, and go on with your life like nothing happened.

I can tell a person’s character by a mere five-minute conversation. I can tell if a person is honest or makes things up as they go. I can tell if a person has a low self-esteem, if a person is not a team player, and if a person is not a good person in general. 

You would think that having an ability to accurately assess people would give you an opportunity to turn this to your advantage. Wrong! If you are a decent person, you would not take an advantage of this and you would not play with people or manipulate them to get what you want.

We all have flaws, we all have insecurities, we all have struggles, and we all have a past that we are trying to deal with. Struggles and low self-esteem doesn’t make us useless or bad or undesirable or not worthy. Those are just flaws…we all have them. There are no perfect people out there.

You know, when you grasp somebody’s essence, you’re more likely to know how they’ll behave in the future and how they might or might not react to a certain situation. Knowing this drives me bonkers.

I come from a society where judging others is almost a norm. I come from an environment where fitting in is crucial to your survival. And this is my day to day struggle. I want to learn to accept flaws. I want to be able to not see these flaws. I want to be oblivious so I can enjoy life. Turning a blind eye, indeed, sometimes is the best answer.

If you are not perfect and your friends are not perfect, and your family is not perfect, and people you work with are not perfect, and your neighbors are not perfect, then you should just allow them to be.

When you see flaws, you want it or not, you judge. You compare to something that you are okay with. That something is the way you feel comfortable with life. Let’s be honest here – neither my vision of life or your vision of life is the best. It is just an emotional need to be comfortable with whatever is happening.

If I am uncomfortable around someone who overcompensates for their lack of courage by doing silly things, it is not them taking the risks and challenging their fears, it is my fear that they are going to get hurt and my subjective opinion that it is stupid.

As you can see, there is a problem.  I fear for them by judging their actions. Mother nature should have given a gift of being intuitive that gives you an ability to read people well and should have added a gift of being able to accept those differences.

As Mother Nature turned out to be a very stingy gift giver, she has left me in a constant state of struggle. To avoid pain and disappointment in people, I have chosen to distance myself from them. I constantly have to remind myself that it is alright for people to get hurt, it is alright for people to be abusive, it is alright for people to be clingy, it is alright for people to be needy, it is alright for people to be neurotic, it is alright for people to be victims, it is alright for people to not want to tell the truth, it is alright for people to blame others….and etc. It is alright for people not to want to change anything about them to be happy and waste their lives being miserable. It is alright….

When you do not see the struggle in others, it is easier to go on with life. It is much harder to see the flaws and know what people struggle with and be able to build friendships, to build work relationships, and to accept what you see and not be able to do anything about it.

Ignorance is pure bliss – I wish that was true for me. How can you stop seeing? How can you stop being able to see what people are feeling? Or even better, how can you see and still manage to let it go?


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