My Girlfriend Had An Abortion

Courtesy of google images

Courtesy of google images

There are some tough decisions in this life. And you never know when you will have to make one.

It is so easy to judge somebody not knowing what they have gone through and why they are making decisions that you might not agree with.

You know it is hard to go through life without judgment. It is actually really hard just to look at things, people, events and not have an opinion on either it is good or bad, acceptable or not acceptable, moral or immoral.

It is even harder to admit that nobody has a clue how to live right because nobody knows what living right is. That is why you have cults, you have churches, you have KKK, you have groups of people who get together to come up with some kind of guidelines to make it easier to maneuver through life and everything that comes at you.

What does it have to do with my girlfriend having an abortion? Absolutely nothing. It was a blog entry written by a man who experienced hostility from “pro-life” supporters at the doors of an abortion clinic where he went to support his girlfriend.

He chooses to do something good for women who have made a tough choice. For every negative there is something positive. He was there watching, listening, and feeling when he realized how angry and blind some people can be. He chose no judgment approach and started giving positive support just by being there and listening if women needed to talk.

Then he took it even further, he started giving women flowers. Not as a congratulation but as an appreciation for being brave.

Some people will say that this man is brave. In his mind, he is riding a bull and wondering how the hell he got there and how the hell he is going to get out of this alive.

However, he still chooses good and he still chooses positive – no judgment. Just being there as much as he can just to be a little positive in the world of negative.

You do not need guidelines. You do not need a book or groups of people to tell you how to live. You do not need your own parents or relatives or church to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong or how you should live.

You should just stop judging yourself and others and start enjoying life the way it is – with good and bad in it, with happiness, sadness, pain, joy, love, loss . Listen to your heart….

Divorce is the only way out

The Big Island Hawaii

That day will come when you realize there is no other way. You can’t go on like this anymore. You can’t think, you can’t breathe, you just can’t…

You can pretend only for so long that everything is fine, but that day will come when you will not be able to throw yourself at whatever you do – work, sports, events, church. There is only so much willpower that you can have but when you are done, you are done. No matter where you are or what you do those thoughts and feelings creep in. You can’t focus anymore, you can’t make yourself to think about something else.

And when you can’t breathe anymore, that is when you have to do right by you. You have to change, you have to divorce your old self. Living your life and not being happy is just a waste of time.

Whatever you thought is the right thing to do, didn’t bring you happiness. Don’t you think that it is time to find out who you really are? Don’t you think you deserve to know what makes you happy? Don’t you think it is time for you to figure out what makes your heart skip a beat and finally go down the path you have always wanted to?

However, it does mean that you have to start being yourself and stop being whatever you thought you needed to be. Changing is like getting divorced. You have to negotiate and you have to be fair. Sometimes it is a hell of a fight.

It is never easy to start fresh, but it is so rewarding. You get to discover yourself again. This time “real you”.

Who am I? Isn’t that the most asked question amongst human beings? Do you know who you are? No, I do not mean roles you play – teacher, engineer, mother, sister, brother, father, child of God, and etc. I mean – Who are you? I do not care what you choose to do or whom or what you choose to believe in. I want to know who you are…so… Who are you?

If you can’t give yourself an answer, divorce yourself and go find out…

Living In The Moment

rain dropsIf I learned anything from losing Alex, is that living in a moment is very important. We hear these words almost daily – do what you love, say what you think, don’t hesitate to show how you feel, because tomorrow might be too late, and we almost never actually do it till it is too late.

Only a tragedy will lead you to a deeper understanding of the truth within you.

What does that mean? It just means that something tragic (literally or not) has to happen for you to realize what is important.

That moment when everything else (job, people, car, money, politics, etc.) seems irrelevant, you realize- you are on the wrong path or making wrong choices, or are in a wrong relationship, or pursuing a dream that is not yours, or you were just too busy to appreciate what you had.

These are only words to some of you but a painful reality to others.

So, today, learning from the best, I am asking myself:

After the fall, are you ready to get up?

One Day at A Time

DSC03440Grieving is a complicated thing. From day one we learn how to celebrate achievements and wins but when things come to knowing how to grieve a loss, we suddenly realize that we have no clue what to do.

Not just we do not know how to grieve our own losses, we do not know how to deal with other people grieving. We do not know what to say or do, so we avoid, we run, we just put our heads down and hope that we do not have to face the person.

I guess, once you have experienced grief, you learn a thing or two.

First, let yourself be. Whatever emotions come, go with the flow. Don’t hold back or try to control.
Second, there is no right or wrong way. There is only your way. You can’t classify it, you can’t rationalize or explain.
Third, whatever you feel, that is the way to go.
Fourth, guilt and anger are natural feelings. As human beings we are pre-dispositioned to fix whatever is wrong. If we can’t fix or save or make it better, we get angry and we blame people, things, ourselves.
Fifth, forgive yourself.

It is really important to remember, you can’t change the past and you can’t relive it. You have to find a way to let it go.

You have to take one day at a time and get comfortable with what you got right here right now. Pain will never go away. It will fade. Emptiness will never be filled, but you will find a way to bring something new into your life and that will bring you peace and comfort.

Practice talking about it. First to yourself, then to others. The more you talk, the easier it will become. Sometimes somebody will say something that will change your whole perspective.

As crazy as it sounds, even if you talk out loud just with yourself, if you verbalize what you feel, your sub consciousness deals with it. When you say it out loud, you learn to accept it and that starts healing.

I do not expect miracles. So, I take a deep breath – one day at a time.

Broken Heart

RIP Alex, June 10, 2015

On June 10, 2015 at 4:30 pm my heart stopped beating and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to breathe again. No, I did not die but a half of my soul did.

We were given a day to say goodbye to the sweetest little girl that we had an honor to love and share our lives with for the past 10 years.

Going through the experience of learning how to let go of something that is dear to your heart because it is the right thing to do, has taught me a huge lesson. Live in the moment -enjoy every second of what you’ve got.

My heart is broken and it will be broken for a long time.  The love and trust I received from Alex is not something you can express in words. She fell asleep in my lap knowing that she is loved and safe, and that she is surrounded by people who were there for her when she needed it the most.

I will miss my girl and her unconditional love.  She was family.

As it has been said a million times by many people – tell people and your animals that you love them because tomorrow might be too late.

Dear Stranger…

It just happened that today I was stalking you for entire 5 minutes as we were walking the same direction on opposite sides of the road.

It looked like you were having a fierce conversation with yourself and apparently did not agree with whatever solution you have come up with. Only if I could, I would have video taped every single facial expression of yours. It made me wonder, it made me concerned, and it made me smirk, and I almost laughed out laud at one point.

As mischievous as I am, I started to fill in the blanks and gave your gestures some voice . I am pretty sure you were quitting your job and all you needed is that grand departure that would leave everyone speechless and yourself proud.

From what I could tell your right side of the brain wanted you to flip them off and walk through a hallway like you own the floor. Your left side was not impressed and wanted you to tell them what you think about them and then walk away like you owned them.

In a heat of the argument righty got way too emotional and slapped lefty and suddenly it became a domestic violence incident in your head.

I am not sure how the argument ended as we spent only 5 minutes of quality time walking on the opposite sides of the road. I just hope that whoever won made a you a better person.

Recipe To Unhappiness

wpid-wp-1432597319575.jpegI found a great article today: “7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose“. I hope it reaches many searching souls and starts a conversation.

“What do I want to do with my life?”

“What am I passionate about?”

“What’s my purpose?”

Those are not questions you need to ask as they will get you nowhere. Life is not a destination, life is a journey. It has been written in books, it has been printed on T-Shirts and it has been a selling point for all kinds of businesses that thrive in “Self-help” and ” I will hold your hand till you find your calling” world.

Humans are a changing entity. We are like a river that flows faster or slower, changes directions, dries out or overflows. We do not stay the same. And because of this infinite change, passion or purpose changes. Sometimes daily, sometimes yearly, sometimes hourly.

There is no higher purpose than enjoying whatever seems interesting or important right now. You live for this moment as next moment might not come. Even if you find what you are passionate about today, tomorrow that passion will morph into something else. It will take a different direction, it will change, it will grow, and it will expand.

If you recognize that everything or everybody who comes into your life is all for you, you will be much better off going with the flow and seeing where it takes you, than trying to find definite answers to questions.

Mark Manson mentions in his article:

Part of the problem is the concept of “life purpose” itself. The idea that we were each born for some higher purpose and it’s now our cosmic mission to find it. This is the same kind of shitty logic used to justify things like spirit crystals or that your lucky number is 34 (but only on Tuesdays or during full moons).

I would say that we are born with a higher purpose and this higher purpose is to live and enjoy every moment of your life. Even if that is talking to crystals. If that is what makes you happy today, do it. As long as you have the clarify and awareness of the flow of life and as long as you are not stuck in a world of false beliefs, you will be fine.

False beliefs like you have to fit in, you can’t embarrass your parents, you have to do the right thing, and you have to be a valuable part of the society (meaning that you have to do this or that or something else like everyone else does).

If you have been going down the path of asking questions mentioned above, stop it. Seriously, just stop. Replace those questions with:

What makes me happy today?

But if that is a huge leap for you, at least add a word today to those questions. What do I want to do with my life today? What am I passionate about today? What’s my purpose today?

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