We Are All Criminals

“Oh, hell no, I am not a criminal..” you’d want to say. Let’s be honest, yes, you are. We all are thieves, murderers, manipulators, cheaters, abusers, and etc.

Just because you have never been convicted of any offenses, doesn’t mean you are not a criminal.

Let’s look at this. What and who is a criminal?

Definition of criminal. 1 : being guilty of an act that is unlawful, foolish, or wrong.

Have you ever said something to somebody that left them heart-broken?

Have you ever repeated something that someone else said at work and ended up being in the right place, right time, and were heard by the right people?

Have you ever lied to someone so you can benefit from it? Don’t deny it. At some point in time, you lied to yourself, lied to your parents, lied to your partner, lied to your co-workers, lied to the neighbor, lied at the bank, and etc…

Have you ever said or did something that destroyed (emotionally, spiritually) somebody’s dreams, life?

Have you ever hit somebody or pushed somebody intentionally?

In other words, just because you have not been prosecuted for moral crimes or physical or emotional abuse, doesn’t mean that you are not a criminal. You are…

Some crimes are punishable by jail, some by lethal injection, and some just slip through the cracks.

Moral crimes are not causing less damage. They just leave deeper scars.

We tend to harm ourselves and people around us. You break promises and leave people heart-broken. You steal somebody else’s ideas and present them as yours. You are verbally abusive to others; sometimes they deserve it and sometimes they don’t but it is still not right. You cheat, you lie, you manipulate.

We justify our moral crimes…


Heartbreak # 4

12312010_10153189576482414_13728023_nI guess life has it’s own understanding on what you need and when you need it. Most of the time it is not what you have envisioned or wanted or thought you wanted.

How much pain can one heart take? – I asked. Depends on the heart, depends on the pain, depends on who or what caused it.

None of those answers made me feel better till I read something on the Internet. It was an older man who wrote about grieving his loved ones .

“…I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love.…”

If you are lucky, you will have many scars from many loves. You will drown, you will sink, you will be beaten down, you will be broken, but you will survive. Wounds will heal but emotional rollercoasters will come and go. As more you loved as more you lost as more you will appreciate every single day of love that is given to you.

Anniversaries will cause sadness and good memories; smells, places, sounds will remind you of everyone you lost but they will also remind you of happiness that you experienced and love that you shared.

So, I guess, when I think about this, I understand that I need to let myself be. Just shake it off, let the pain hurt, let the wounds heal, and appreciate the scars I have.

RIP in peace my little 6 month old foster. I can’t save all of you but I can definitely love all of you for as long as you have left – be it 5 days or be it the rest of your life.


Don’t Tell Me What To Do

hamsterThe other day I was told: ” You are not serious enough, you know. You are not taking life seriously.”

And I thought to myself:” Thank you for reminding me not to get sucked into the rat race too deep.”

I don’t know about you, but when somebody tells me I am not taking life seriously, they are the last person I will take any advice from.

Life is too short to be a hamster in a wheel. It is too short not to spend it laughing, goofing around, and maybe sometimes spinning the wheel for the heck of it.

I like to keep my priorities straight. I am here to enjoy no matter what life brings me. I know I do not have much time. Yes, it might be 120 years or it might be just a day left but I am spending that given time the best way I can. I am laughing, I am smiling, and I am living while I am doing my job and working hard.

You can work hard and laugh while you are doing it. Being grumpy and dead serious doesn’t mean you do your job better and being silly and goofy doesn’t mean you are sloppy at what you do.

So, I am taking my life very seriously – not suffering, just enjoying.


You are just an option

sunrise-3Don’t let somebody be your priority when you are just their option.  Wouldn’t that be a sad day when you realize that somebody you care for sees you just as an option?

I guess, we all have people in our lives that are just options. You like them, you enjoy their company but you just don’t care for them so much. There is no way around it.

What’s great about my or your life is that we can change it. You can go from “an option” to “a must have” in a heartbeat if you choose so.

The biggest paradox in my life is that I realize – I do not matter but I do matter at the same time. You matter to yourself and to some people and you totally do not matter to the rest of the world.

Once you think about it and it sinks in, you see the world in a way different way. You are allowing yourself to see that you and you alone can make yourself happy. You can let somebody else in and allow them to participate in your happiness but you also have an option not to.

After all everybody else is just an option.


invasion“..Don’t you type at me in that tone of voice..” I said to myself and burst into laughter. “..And what kind of tone is it?..” I continued the deep meaningful conversation with myself. “…I have no clue but don’t you dare….” I kept typing and laughing.

I guess, the tone of a written word depends on a mood you are in. The same sentence can feel threatening, insulting or funny and caring depending on what is happening in your head at that particular moment.

I have been utilizing WordPress reader feature to keep up with people’s blogs and their lives. Again and again I had to smirk about the ways life flows with its ups and downs.  You can read one and the same post in the morning and then in the evening and realize, you get different things and different feelings out it.

I guess, the realization to be had is that you can’t control where life takes you but you can definitely control how you see and experience your journey. And again, it is not where you get, it is how you get there. Furthermore, it is now about what you know, it is about what you are going to do with that knowledge.

So many of us have learned the lesson the hard way. Nothing haunts us like the things we have not done, choices we have not made, and words we have not said.  All this is a huge part of the journey we take.

Of course, one could argue that not doing or saying also is the journey itself. Yes and no. The difference here is not the words that you didn’t say but the words that you wanted to say but didn’t. The emphasis is on – wanted to but fear got into your way, somebody talked you out of it, you found all kinds of excuses not to do something even though deep in your heart you knew that was something you WANTED to do or say.

As older you get, as more of the world you see, as more you experience, as more you learn about yourself and the world you live in, the more you start recognizing that your life is not about finding yourself, your life is about creating yourself – one day at a time, one choice at a time, one decision at a time.

You can redefine who you are on a daily basis as long as you are the one who feels the need. As long as you do not let others redefine your life or to invade your thoughts by convincing you to go down the rabbit hole you do not want to.

If you do choose to go down the rabbit hole, it should be the one you chose.

These words just mean that if you wake up in the morning and you feel like leaving everything behind and going to learn how to fish in Alaska, then you should do it. You should not allow somebody convince you to choose a steady office job instead.

On a daily basis we have conversations with people around us who are as blind to the reality as we are. They share their thoughts and their fears and the more they do, the more you start feeling that they might be right.

I know, the word invasion sounds like something from science fiction but if you think about how much you believe in what has been said in mass media, social media, or during conversations, you will realize that you do not have to believe in invasion or UFO or conspiracies. You, yourself, invade your own existence by believing that you can’t do something, shouldn’t do something, should or should not say something. You are your worst enemy….

So, hell with the invasion, let’s go be ourselves….

The Grass Is Greener….Nowhere

grasIt always seems that the grass is greener everywhere else. The moment you move to that greener patch, you realize it is not as green as seemed and maybe even worse than where you were before.

I guess, it has been passed on from generation to generation that you need to want more than you have. Nobody can explain why but everyone knows that settling is basically admitting defeat.

Of course, we all have dreams and things we may want to do or achieve but sometimes those dreams are not ours. They are there because we live in an illusionary world that the grass is greener somewhere else.  Sometimes those are just excuses that we make.

  • if I had parents like Joe does, I would have been more family oriented
  • if I had a better car, I would have traveled more
  • if I could afford a bigger house, I would have started a family
  • if I had more money, I would have invested and be rich.

“If I only….” is the best excuse that a humankind has invented. Let’s look at it from a different angle.

If you had parents like Joe, you would be beaten every day just because you exist. Just because his parents were always around and always waved at you from their back yard, doesn’t mean that they were perfect. You are were you are because your parents worked 2 jobs to be able to send you to college. Your Joe ended up doing drugs and died on the street because he couldn’t cope with abusive parents.

If you had a better car, you would have not traveled more. You do not need a better car, you need to save your money and budget better. A better car has never been a major reason somebody couldn’t travel as there are other ways to do it.

And this goes on and on. You can do whatever you want with your life. However, sometimes it works out and sometimes it is just not supposed happen. So, stop trying to open the door that is locked and look around, there might be another door that is available.

No, this is not about the lie that you have heard – as harder you work, as faster you will achieve what you want. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t happen. And sometimes your dreams are just a lie that you tell yourself to find an excuse not to do something.

The grass is never greener somewhere else. The grass is green where you are. You can make it greener by taking your own path.  Sometimes that path takes you down the rabbit hole where it is dark and scary but nevertheless exciting.

Once you learn to accept what you have and go with the flow of life, you put an end to drama. After all, life is an adventure and not a curse.

Secret In Your Eyes

We all have a journey but not all of us have a destination. For some odd reason some people think that everything we do in life leads us to some kind of mystic happiness.  Not everybody realizes that happiness is a journey not a destination.

Even funnier is when people think that everybody needs to follow the same rule – you need to do something to get somewhere and that somewhere is definitely a destination and that destination always is happiness. It does get even better – that something is a meaning of your life or an understanding why you are here, what you are meant to do or be, and that is when you reach the ultimate goal – HAPPINESS.

But guess what – you get there and you are still not happy. Of course, that must mean that you didn’t fully properly defined what that something you need to do or have is, so, back to the drawing board.

Bzzzzzzzzt……wrong answer….

Happiness is a journey and not a destination. That changes the whole game.

If what matters is a journey and not a destination, then the path you choose better be good. I do not mean, accepted and approved by everybody – relatives, friends, society. I mean, it better be good for you. It better be the one that you look at at the end and gasp for air in excitement:” GSUS, what a ride!”.

Honestly, how being a rich person is different from being a homeless person? It is not. It is a different journey, a different path. Being rich just means that you are addicted to things, money, and status, and you have chosen a different path to get where you are going. Being homeless means that you have different things that you are addicted to. You may not have a roof over your head but that is just an illusion that having a house, a job, a credit card is better than having a paper bag with a bottle of rum in it.

When you die, it will not matter anymore. Who cares how you got there? What matters is – was it a hell of a ride and did you get a kick out of it?

As humans, we have a tendency to judge. We keep comparing things and people to some idealistic illusions on what our life should look like even though nobody has a clue – what the meaning of life is or what our purpose is.

I guess, the moral of the story is – Stop trying to do the right thing. Listen to your heart and enjoy whatever comes.

What does this post have to do with the subject – secret in your eyes? Everything and nothing. When you feel lost or you get overwhelmed with the information and expectations that come from people around you, remember, you know the truth – it is your journey, not theirs. Look into your own eyes, into your soul, take a deep breath, figure out what your heart wants to do and take a plunge.

Again, you should not live a life that others think you should. You should take your own path, you should fall, trip, succeed, drown, take drugs, drink, become a millionaire, live on the street, marry five times or don’t marry at all, have or don’t have kids, buy a house or two or live in a tent, have worms as your pets… It is not about being weird or being an outcast, it is about taking your own journey that will end up in death. Nobody escapes death…so take the journey that catches your breath, that brings joy and happiness.

As some smart intelligent people have said: “…when you came into this world, you cried and everyone else laughed and smiled. So, live your life the way that when you die, you are the one laughing and everyone else crying…” It translates to – enjoy your life.


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