Do you have a parent or a family member or a friend that brings nothing but a bad energy into your life? You know, one of those people who is always blaming everyone else. One of those people who always bullies, shames, and puts you down.
That one person whom you love but definitely try to avoid because it always ends up to be not just an uncomfortable experience but also a reason why you sometimes doubt if you are who you think you are.
Most of the time those who bully or hurt others are hurting inside themselves and putting it out on somebody else is the only way they know how to cope with their own pain. You might think it is silly, but that is so real and so true for many people.
When one does not know how to deal with their own pain, they lash out. However, just because they are in pain, you do not have to accept their behavior. You do not have to put up with that. Remember, you always have a choice.
You can’t save the world, but you can definitely choose people you want in it. Family is the one you choose and home is where you make it.
Life is complicated enough so you should not allow somebody to steer it direction you do not want to go. Regardless if they are considered family or not.
We spend every day trying to maneuver between possible and impossible, real and perception, dreams and reality, wishes and desires, fears and courage, and we do not have time to waste trying to deal with people who build roadblocks for themselves and others around them.
Life is enjoyable and full of wonders. It is an amazing journey and not an obstacle course that is created by somebody else, even if that somebody else has given you life.
I was watching people at work and at the end of the day I confirmed what is a well-known knowledge. This well-known knowledge is forgotten and maybe sometimes ignored.
Let me do a quick introduction before I tell you what it is.
There are 3 kind of people in your life:
- People that you like or are drawn to
- People that you do not like or barely tolerate
- People that you do not remember/notice or, so called, invisible people
There is only one thing in common or different about these people.
When you meet somebody, it takes you only a few seconds either to like them on not like them or not care for them.
Most of the time it is their personality. I do not mean their values or beliefs or convictions. They do not even need to talk.
I am talking about smiling and having a positive presence about them. The more you smile, the more open you are, the more relaxed is your non-verbal communication.
You feel attracted to positive, smiling people and you tend to avoid angry, scowling or tensed up people.
All it takes is some sense of humor and a genuine smile. No kidding. Start smiling. Find something funny in your head and start smiling.
Once you start smiling, you will infect other people and they will come back for more.
How do you know your value? You know, you go through life and compare yourself to others. What do you compare yourself to?
Looks? Style? Salary? Choice of career(s)? Shoe size? Vocabulary usage? Length of your fingers or toes?
Questions and more questions. My point is that you can’t compare yourself to somebody based on superficial values. Once you do it, you undeniably place yourself in the “not worthy” category.
What is the most important thing in this life? And the answer is…..drumroll….HAPPINESS
And what makes a person happy? Definitely not things. Things are nice to have but they bring only short-lived joy. Happiness is a feeling and this feeling is generated by experiences with other people, nature, and activities that you enjoy.
In other words, when you say that someone is out of your league, you are saying that money and status trumps love and respect.
Money comes and goes. Jobs are not forever. Looks change. You can go from rich to poor in a second and vice versa.
It is Journey that you choose to take together with the other person that makes your life worth living.
There are some tough decisions in this life. And you never know when you will have to make one.
It is so easy to judge somebody not knowing what they have gone through and why they are making decisions that you might not agree with.
You know it is hard to go through life without judgment. It is actually really hard just to look at things, people, events and not have an opinion on either it is good or bad, acceptable or not acceptable, moral or immoral.
It is even harder to admit that nobody has a clue how to live right because nobody knows what living right is. That is why you have cults, you have churches, you have KKK, you have groups of people who get together to come up with some kind of guidelines to make it easier to maneuver through life and everything that comes at you.
What does it have to do with my girlfriend having an abortion? Absolutely nothing. It was a blog entry written by a man who experienced hostility from “pro-life” supporters at the doors of an abortion clinic where he went to support his girlfriend.
He chooses to do something good for women who have made a tough choice. For every negative there is something positive. He was there watching, listening, and feeling when he realized how angry and blind some people can be. He chose no judgment approach and started giving positive support just by being there and listening if women needed to talk.
Then he took it even further, he started giving women flowers. Not as a congratulation but as an appreciation for being brave.
Some people will say that this man is brave. In his mind, he is riding a bull and wondering how the hell he got there and how the hell he is going to get out of this alive.
However, he still chooses good and he still chooses positive – no judgment. Just being there as much as he can just to be a little positive in the world of negative.
You do not need guidelines. You do not need a book or groups of people to tell you how to live. You do not need your own parents or relatives or church to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong or how you should live.
You should just stop judging yourself and others and start enjoying life the way it is – with good and bad in it, with happiness, sadness, pain, joy, love, loss . Listen to your heart….
That day will come when you realize there is no other way. You can’t go on like this anymore. You can’t think, you can’t breathe, you just can’t…
You can pretend only for so long that everything is fine, but that day will come when you will not be able to throw yourself at whatever you do – work, sports, events, church. There is only so much willpower that you can have but when you are done, you are done. No matter where you are or what you do those thoughts and feelings creep in. You can’t focus anymore, you can’t make yourself to think about something else.
And when you can’t breathe anymore, that is when you have to do right by you. You have to change, you have to divorce your old self. Living your life and not being happy is just a waste of time.
Whatever you thought is the right thing to do, didn’t bring you happiness. Don’t you think that it is time to find out who you really are? Don’t you think you deserve to know what makes you happy? Don’t you think it is time for you to figure out what makes your heart skip a beat and finally go down the path you have always wanted to?
However, it does mean that you have to start being yourself and stop being whatever you thought you needed to be. Changing is like getting divorced. You have to negotiate and you have to be fair. Sometimes it is a hell of a fight.
It is never easy to start fresh, but it is so rewarding. You get to discover yourself again. This time “real you”.
Who am I? Isn’t that the most asked question amongst human beings? Do you know who you are? No, I do not mean roles you play – teacher, engineer, mother, sister, brother, father, child of God, and etc. I mean – Who are you? I do not care what you choose to do or whom or what you choose to believe in. I want to know who you are…so… Who are you?
If you can’t give yourself an answer, divorce yourself and go find out…
If I learned anything from losing Alex, is that living in a moment is very important. We hear these words almost daily – do what you love, say what you think, don’t hesitate to show how you feel, because tomorrow might be too late, and we almost never actually do it till it is too late.
Only a tragedy will lead you to a deeper understanding of the truth within you.
What does that mean? It just means that something tragic (literally or not) has to happen for you to realize what is important.
That moment when everything else (job, people, car, money, politics, etc.) seems irrelevant, you realize- you are on the wrong path or making wrong choices, or are in a wrong relationship, or pursuing a dream that is not yours, or you were just too busy to appreciate what you had.
These are only words to some of you but a painful reality to others.
So, today, learning from the best, I am asking myself:
After the fall, are you ready to get up?
Grieving is a complicated thing. From day one we learn how to celebrate achievements and wins but when things come to knowing how to grieve a loss, we suddenly realize that we have no clue what to do.
Not just we do not know how to grieve our own losses, we do not know how to deal with other people grieving. We do not know what to say or do, so we avoid, we run, we just put our heads down and hope that we do not have to face the person.
I guess, once you have experienced grief, you learn a thing or two.
First, let yourself be. Whatever emotions come, go with the flow. Don’t hold back or try to control.
Second, there is no right or wrong way. There is only your way. You can’t classify it, you can’t rationalize or explain.
Third, whatever you feel, that is the way to go.
Fourth, guilt and anger are natural feelings. As human beings we are pre-dispositioned to fix whatever is wrong. If we can’t fix or save or make it better, we get angry and we blame people, things, ourselves.
Fifth, forgive yourself.
It is really important to remember, you can’t change the past and you can’t relive it. You have to find a way to let it go.
You have to take one day at a time and get comfortable with what you got right here right now. Pain will never go away. It will fade. Emptiness will never be filled, but you will find a way to bring something new into your life and that will bring you peace and comfort.
Practice talking about it. First to yourself, then to others. The more you talk, the easier it will become. Sometimes somebody will say something that will change your whole perspective.
As crazy as it sounds, even if you talk out loud just with yourself, if you verbalize what you feel, your sub consciousness deals with it. When you say it out loud, you learn to accept it and that starts healing.
I do not expect miracles. So, I take a deep breath – one day at a time.