Like every morning, I was on a train heading to work. That morning I felt like I was coming down with something and my head was just not right. I felt that my sensory receptors were all messed up. The sound, the smell, the vision, the touch – everything was misfiring. Things that usually were pleasant and enjoyable suddenly seemed annoying and out of place.
I was looking around and realized that everyone was ugly. Every single person on the train was ugly. It’s amazing what some kind of flu can do to you and how it can impact the way you perceive the world around you.
Even though I was looking around in total horror, I knew, this was not the world I knew; this was not the world that I loved. However, it was a really good reminder of the fake world I live in. The reason everyone seemed so ugly was – advertisement. You know, all those posters on street corners and TV ads that show 1/100 of a population that is deemed to be beautiful to convince you to buy stuff.
The reality of it all is that you are targeted to think that stuff you buy online will somehow make you better, somehow will fix your imperfections, somehow will make you more desirable, prettier, more handsome, more …
I know my worth. I know that posters lie when they tell me that the only way to be happy is to be skinny, to have a perfect face, perfect features, perfect teeth, and etc.
I do not need other people’s approval to feel content. I know that. I know that I and only I am responsible for my own happiness. I know that neither clothes nor lotions will improve my self-confidence. I know that happiness is not obtained by owning things or by looking a certain way or by achieving a certain status in our society. But, I also know that there are so many people that do not know that, do not feel that, and do not believe that they are enough.
This world has become a rotten place. And what I mean by that is that everything is driven by a desire to be rich, to be independent, and to be well off. People want to be successful businessmen/businesswomen, so they buy information and education on how to cater you and how to reach into to your insecurities. People want to attract the right audience to sell their stuff but, it seems, that instead of addressing the need, they actually create Despair. Do you really need botox or that new cover-up foundation to hide your imperfections to make you perfect?
I know that but do the majority of society does? Do you think that young teenagers know the difference between marketing and reality?
I knew that the ugliness of people on the train is actually the utmost perfection of our Mother Nature. You are beautiful because you are ugly. I mean it. Ugliness is not being ugly. Ugliness is an amazing uniqueness of you being you of being different and it is a beautiful thing. Ugliness is the real Beauty. Ugliness is just being different and being unique and not looking like a face on the poster.
Think about it. You are loved because you are not like everyone else. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for people to realize that sometimes it is a curse to be considered beautiful as everyone is seeing you as a trophy or some kind of a magical unicorn. You are the eye candy, the trophy, the poster on the wall, that is used because whoever is pursuing you, most likely, is extremely insecure and struggles with the low self-esteem. They look for a poster to display to feel good about themselves. They don’t care about what you like or what makes you happy. You are just a very expensive prestige thing to show to others. It’s almost like you are the ugly thing that no one wants for who you are but wants you for the value that you are.
Of course, it doesn’t always fully apply to everyone. There are exceptions to this rule. I am just talking about my feelings riding the public transportation and comparing people to the only reference I had – a poster of pretty people that I saw on the platform before I boarded the city train.
It is amazing how simple things like posters can make you write a blog post just because your body decided to take a day off. At the end of the day, “ugly” is the new beautiful. I am ugly, you are ugly, everyone is ugly. We are ugly in one way and beautiful in many other ways.
We are ugly to some people and the most beautiful thing in this world to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – a well known saying. In my world, the most important part of that train ride with ugly people is that I actually enjoyed the experience. It was mind-blowing, it was disgusting, it was funny, and it was so thought-provoking. That was exactly what I needed.
So, let’s be ugly and love it!
This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) blog challenge – Divine mission possible
The challenge is this:
Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.
Oh, Yeah, mission possible or impossible – just write.
I guess, figuring out what your purpose in this life is or figuring out what your mission in life is or figuring out why the h**l you are here for, is the most sought-after question, and, I think, I have shared my thoughts on this in one of my blog posts some time ago. I don’t like labels and I do not like assuming that I know what my spiritual mission might be. I might be a lightworker, I might be Indigo, I might just be a figment of someone’s imagination.
But, you know, it doesn’t matter what my mission on earth is. What matters is – that I realize that no one is going to get out of this alive. And what does that have to do with anything? I think the answer is the most obvious realization – everything. That statement should set off all the bells in my head. Nothing and nobody matters. What matters is that I live my life and enjoy it. What matters is that I choose what makes me happy.
I have said it before and it has been said by so many before me – you are going to die. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 20 years, and maybe in 100. When you die, actually, depends on what you want and what you believe in.
Deep down I know and you know, and, hopefully, everyone else around us realizes that nobody’s opinion or beliefs are important to you or me or them. Life is such a fragile thing – stuff happens either you want it or not. People will always judge you by how you made them feel. What you have done or achieved doesn’t matter to anyone except you and people who got positively impacted by your actions.
At the end of the day, you only matter to yourself and people who love you and think that they need you in their lives to be happy.
In my humble opinion, it is a mission impossible to be able to live a perfect life when you do the right thing for others. However, it is mission “possible” to live your life so you are happy. When you are happy and you thoughtfully, without intentionally hurting others, choose what is best for you, you make people around you happy. If you are happy, you share your happiness. If you are not happy, that is the only thing you have to share with the world around you. So, by somewhat being selfish you, actually, make the world a better place.
I just want to point out, that I am not talking about being greedy, being mean, being inconsiderate or being intentionally hurtful. I am talking about just choosing not to worry about other people’s opinion on what you need to be or what choices you need to make so they feel comfortable in their own skin. I am talking about living your own life, being who you are, and making choices that make you happy.
You know, how sometimes parents ask you to not tell people about what you do or who you are, and you know that they are asking you to lie or hide the truth because it would somehow make them look bad? That is exactly what I am talking about. It is not your responsibility to make your parents’ dreams come true. It is not your responsibility to make sure they feel good about themselves. It is not your responsibility to pick a path that they do not perceive to be embarrassing. They have their own path to choose, their own choices to make and their own happiness to experience.
Your mission in life is to live your life with a smile on your face and enjoy every choice you make. It is not an easy choice to choose yourself over your parents, your friends, your family, and/ or your community. However, at the end of the day when you are about to die, would any of them matter? Of course not! The only thing that will matter when you are about to say goodbye to this opportunity, so-called – life, will be the regret that you always valued other people’s opinions more than your own want to be happy.
When I choose “me” and make choices that make me happy, I also attract more things that make me happy and content.
My mission in life is to laugh more, enjoy more, be more…and make things possible. My happiness depends only on me and me only. Nobody is responsible for my happiness – neither people nor their choices nor circumstances. I am alone responsible for my own life and for making it possible. When I am happy with who I am and life that I live, only then I am able to share this happiness with someone else. And only then it is possible…
I would like to ask Carolyn Page to join the conversation if she chooses to share her light and talk about her mission in life. She is one of the people that always makes me smile and reminds me of a never-ending light.
4 years ago I signed up to write a blog post on my journey to awakening. It’s time I revisit my journey and look back to where I was and see where I am today. So, here I go again – I am writing again. There are 31 days in October and 31 great human beings are going to share their stories. Check them out. At the end of this post, there is a list of all who have chosen to participate.
October 29th belongs to a yogi, philosopher, mystic, tantric, wanderer, seeker, searcher, lover of freedom https://alohaleya.com/
And The Journey Continues for me…
Once you stop blaming everything and everyone around you for the way your life is unfolding and start looking for answers inside yourself, you start noticing that answers to your questions have always been right here.
It’s so easy to blame other people and circumstances about everything that is not going right. It is so easy to look around for the reason we feel discomfort with the current situation. It is also so easy to be pulled into feeling and thinking negative thoughts and not seeing the reason why things happen the way they do.
You know the saying: If you can’t change the situation, change the way you feel about it.
If you put an effort into finding positive in everything and everyone, you start noticing that suddenly things resolve themselves. It is as simple as that. As soon as you stop trying to control people and the existing situation and focus on how you feel about it by replacing every negative thought with positive, things just aline.
Life is not complicated, we make it complicated. We, humans, somehow manage to complicate everything. We want to control Life and always feel better, always feel comfortable, always blame others for bringing discomfort, blame circumstances for not having access to things to live life the way we want.
So far my humble journey has brought me to an understanding that I alone am responsible for my own happiness. My journey is not about creating awareness of something great, infinite, mind-blowing. My journey is only my journey to get in touch with me and find that great, infinite, mind-blowing love for myself and the world around it.
It’s still true that everything that is happening to me and every person in my life is my own doing as my choices are defined by how I feel about myself and the world around.
Everything I perceive to be true is still defined by my beliefs. Everything I believe I want or don’t want happens to me because of the choices I make.
The Law of Attraction, as vague as it sounds to some people, works in mysterious ways and always attracts what you think you deserve and attracts everything that supports how you feel about yourself.
In other words, if you are afraid to die from sickness and all your attention is focused on getting sick or not wanting the sickness, you still focus on the sickness. How are you supposed to end up loving life and enjoying health if you are constantly focused on things that you do not want? And if you are focused on things that you do not want, then, definitely, you are not focused on things that you actually want.
“I do not want to be sick”, “I do not want this”, and “I want not to be sick” is not the same as “I am healthy”. If you see sickness as the center of your attention and not the health, then how are you supposed to even attract health? You are clearly paying more attention to what you don’t want even though the words you use are: ” I want not to be sick”.
To be honest, I do not exactly know where I am in my journey to awareness. I just know that I am on a journey and I am enjoying it. Yes, sometimes things do not go the most enjoyable route but, nonetheless, it is my journey and it is something that I have created for myself.
I make an effort to consciously find the best in people and find the best in every situation, especially when I am uncomfortable and this journey of self-awareness has taken me way further than an old journey of trying to control everything around me to feel better.
I do not see things and people as a reason why I am not happy. I know I am the reason I am happy or not happy.
I am the reason that I might not have all the money in the world to live comfortably. And the reason for it is – I focus on not having enough money rather than focusing on having it for everything I want and need. How can I ever have unlimited funds if I focus on not having them and not being able to control the way these funds come to me?
Let the awakening of who we truly are guide us to awareness of how we can live without limits.
1 Joseph – Seeing the Whisper
2 Jan – Jan Beek
3 Kimberley – MeMyMagnificentSelf (temporarily posted here)
4 Barbara – MeMyMagnificentSelf
5 Ka – Fiesta Estrellas
7 Tomas – New Earth Heartbeat
9 Gina – A lifeless lived blog
12 CW – Sunflowerrosecw
13 Balroop – Emotional Shadows
14 Brooke – SerpentGuide
15 Leigh – Bluegrassnotes
22 Tania – Taniamarieartist
24 Wendy – Thecompanyofspirits
25 Michael – Embracingforever
26 Sue – Dreamwalker’ssanctuary
27 Edith – Newbeginnings
28 Dace – Mywaytotruth
29 Aleya – Alohaleya
30 Linda – Litebeing
31 Joseph- Seeingthewhisper
That day has come again when my heart gets ripped in pieces.
When you get comfortable with life and when you feel that you are in a decent place, not really thriving and fully enjoying life but somehow managing to stay sane in the rat race, something even more devastating hits you.
All this positive talk. All this self-growth. All this – go with the flow of life. All this and that…is just sometimes not enough to protect you from the pain of loss.
Loss is something that reaches the core of your being and just shreds you from within.
Of course, you survive and go on. You find a way. If you realize that life is just a flow of events and happiness depends on your choices to be happy and enjoy every moment, then things usually do not seem as dark as they would seem if you are stuck in the rat race.
However, loss of somebody you love is something that just cuts little pieces out of your heart and soul, makes you bleed, beats you down, sucks almost all positivity out of you.
With every loss, a small piece of your hearts dies off. How much a heart can take? Do you think that maybe at one point you will just find yourself empty and broken because every piece of your heart has been shattered and there is just nothing left?
Do you think that maybe there is a possibility of not being able to recover? Or do you think that no matter how much loss we experience, we can still find love within ourselves to keep going?
Living with guilt is not something to take lightly. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you have achieved, or how much money you make – guilt is going to poison every breath you take. Guilt is a heavy weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
It doesn’t even matter what kind of guilt you feel, it just turns off your oxygen slowly and you find it harder and harder to breath.
Tom Hodgkinson once said: “Guilt is also a way for us to express to others that we are a person of good conscience.” When I think about it, it still doesn’t make me feel any better.
I guess, when you feel Guilt, it’s not just about what you have done, but it is also about what you have not done or can’t do or choose not to do. It doesn’t even matter if other people would feel guilty about the lack of action that makes you feel guilty. You and you only know what turns your inner peace into a living nightmare.
I remember being told that I can’t save everyone and that sentence still echoes in my head. Can you change who you are just because something is not possible? Can you stop feeling guilty just because whatever you wish you could do, is not possible?
Can you stop feeling guilty even when you know that no matter what you do, you can still not change the person or the situation or what has happened?
“….Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation….”
Yeah, beat that….
Sometimes I wonder why I take the road that I take. Sometimes I look into the darkness in front of me and wonder why in a world I trusted that everything happens for a reason and that I should take the dark path towards the darkness. I wonder why I trust that there is a light at the end of this scary looking road. Especially, when the alternative is a well lit, well known, extremely predictable path.
But then again, you could also ask, why would you not trust that, in the end, everything will be exactly how it needs to be?
I guess, no matter what you do, no matter what choices you make or what path you choose, it will take you somewhere new. Not necessarily better, but definitely new and different.
I always have to remind myself that even if I think I see where I am going, many times it has turned out to be a visual trap. I think I know and I think it is safe but, in reality, it is just your mind playing tricks on you.
How many times have you slipped on something in a well-lit area? How many times have you hit your head or cut yourself in the middle of the day when you supposedly see everything and are aware of surroundings? Would you say that a well-seen path is safer than a path taken in the dark? And I do not mean it literally. I mean it in a way of making life-changing decisions with or without a clear path.
I hate to admit it but I have to say that either way you are still not safe and still have almost same odds of getting hurt and/or going down the wrong rabbit hole. So, there is no way of knowing except when you make a choice to take the road that seems right. YES, even when it is a road embraced by the darkness that leads to who knows where.
I guess the truth is, we do not know where we are going anyways. We don’t know where tomorrow will lead us. We don’t know what is going to happen in 5 minutes. We do not know anything. We make choices that, no matter what, will take us on a journey of unknown events and experiences.
That is LIFE in its glory.
Nothing is given, nothing is promised, nothing is guaranteed, everything that seems right turns out wrong, and everything that seems wrong might be the right thing. I know, too philosophical…
So, here is the answer to the question I had – regardless which road you take, the final destination is not what you think it is.
We all know how precious life is. We all know that tomorrow is never guaranteed. We all know that 5 minutes from now could be the last 5 minutes of our lives and we’ll never see it coming.
If we know all that, why don’t we live to the fullest? Why don’t we pursue our dreams? Why do we still succumb to irrational fear? Why do we still hold back? “Why..” seems the most common question that comes up without a definite answer. There is always some kind of excuse or random explanation…
A few times in my life I have stopped and demanded a straight answer. No excuses, no standard answers, no brushing off the question, no avoiding, no hiding, no pretending.
And I have slowly built an understanding of what and why. It is me. Nobody else. It is me from a different world. I do not mean like a parallel universe or some kind of mystical place. I mean me who was raised to be a certain way. Me who was raised to continue to be like my people. Me who was supposed to inherit same beliefs, same values, same judgments, same standards.
Me who was supposed to develop the same vision of the world and become one of them with same fears, same insecurities, and same inability to accept anything out of the ordinary.
I can’t say I was supposed to become like all of them because there were different people, there were people who lived and laughed, lived and loved, lived and never judged, lived and brought light to other peoples lives but I was not surrounded by them. I did not get to experience anything different than suffering, sadness, and a lifelong struggle, so I started to become one of them.
Yes, I know, I am laughing out loud right now because this sounds so dramatic, so dark, so sad, but it was true and it was so long ago. I was getting influenced more and more by the people I was surrounded and experiences of jealousy, unhappiness, sadness, hopelessness, need to prove yourself, and etc.
I got out and decided to become a different person and learn a new way of living my life. I decided that I don’t have to prove to anybody that I am worthy of love, I don’t have to care about what other people think of me, I don’t need other people to be happy, and I do not have to worry about anything but my choices and path that I take, experiences that I have, love that I give and receive.
However, I still have not been able to fully get rid of that other me. That other me who sometimes sticks her head out of the shadows and reminds me that I might not be enough. Still reminds me that I am supposed to always be sad and wait for other people and things to make me happy.
This other me doesn’t exactly mess with my head too much but it is quite annoying to catch it in action trying to emerge out of the shadows and just jab. This is especially annoying when you are having an extremely good day, you feel happy, you smile, and then there is this quiet voice coming from the deep within you that kind of whispers, kind of gently reminds you that this is not going to last forever, that this is not real, that life is about suffering and not happiness….
I so need this other me to die. I am so tired of the voice in my head that kicks in when I just want to go with the flow of life and enjoy. This other me is not welcome and is not wanted. It was me but not anymore. I should have a choice to choose who I want to be. I should not need to fight it or constantly tell it to go away. It just needs to die….