First, I can’t even wrap my head around it. LGBT as a culture. I would call it more a community than a culture. Let’s ask google.
“… the arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively….”
“..Culture is our way of life. It includes our values, beliefs, customs, languages and traditions….”
“…Culture is a word for people’s ‘way of life’, meaning the way groups do things…”
It looks to me that LGBT is not a way of life or how groups do things. It is not a culture, it is not a way of life, and it definitely is not a lifestyle.
If LGBT is a culture, then Straight should be a culture. No matter how you look, that is not a culture. There is a bunch of LGBT people who hang out together, have events, have celebrations, have a ” community” where everybody is welcomed.
In this day and age there are still people who have no clue about so many things. I do not want to be rude or disrespectful but, dear people, there is google and if you really want to be sure and find facts, please educate yourself.
It still blows my mind that there are people who do not know that:
Homosexuality is not the same as pedophilia
Psychologist is not the same as psychiatrist
Sexual orientation is not a choice but religion is.
Canadians actually speak English and not Canadian
Gays are amazing parents because they choose parenthood. It is planned and wanted.
You can’t raise gay kids. It is not something you can teach somebody. They are born that way.
Calories are not the same. 1,000 burger calories will make you obese. 1,000 salad calories will probably make you just nauseous as it is a lot of greens.
Most of diseases are caused by stress and food you eat and not genetics.
We, humans, are causing global warming. Go read some scientific proof. It is not a myth.
Life is just a dream….
And just to let you know,
– I am gay but I do not have a gay life. I have a life.
– I am not having a gay job. I have a job.
– I do not have a gay marriage. I am married to a wonderful person and I share my life with them. We do laundry, we shop, we go on vacation, we sponsor kids in third world countries, we buy presents for friends and relatives, we renovate, we argue, we yell, we laugh, we agree and we disagree, and etc…
– My friends are not gay friends. I have friends from every walk of life – different age, different gender, different sexual orientation, and different faith. I do not choose friends based on their sexual orientation. I choose my friends based on their personalities and their values.
– I have a car, I do not have a gay car.
– We have a cat and she is not a gay cat.
– I pay taxes. I do not pay gay taxes.
And, just to sum up, nothing is a curse. It is just life. Things happen, but you are the one who determines if it is bad or good. Your attitude defines everything. So, LGBT is a curse only and only if you see it that way and most likely it is because you have surrounded yourself with bad people. There are bad people and good people everywhere – in every country, in every community, in every city, in every family.
More or less, everybody pays attention to the news and everybody has an opinion about almost everything. I watched Ellen Page’s coming out speech and thought to myself: “tell me something I didn’t know”. It was so obvious since the first time I saw her. But this is not about me and it is not about Ellen, it is about LIFE and society.
I will not go into the speech details as it was beautiful from the beginning to the end and you can go find it if you wish to hear what she had to say.
I have talked about “coming out” before and I have asked when my readers are planning on coming out of the closet either about being gay or being religious, or being raped, or being abused, or suffering from a mental disease.
What makes me really sad is that our society instead or waking up and realizing that this life is about enjoyment, living, happiness, being different, being unique, is getting deeper and deeper in a self-created illusion of being perfect, fitting in, and being like everybody else.
“My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationships suffered…” says Ellen. These could be words of any person who feels marginalized, who feels bullied in school, at work, in church, by husband/wife, by family, by coworkers, by their own country…
“Being normal”, whatever that means, is the poison that has poisoned our society. It is not getting better, it is getting worse. I am not talking about the acceptance, I am talking about everything – weight, looks, beauty standards, career, and choices. That is like a disease that is taking over the world, slowly occupying everybody’s thoughts.
I do not need to make a statement as I am just living my life. I do not need to go against the flow as my flow will end at some point sooner or later. It is not about fighting the norm as the norm is defined by a small community. It is about the freedom to live your life being free, being free of predefined roles, predefined ways of being and/or existing, predefined identities and predefined choices.
Don’t get me wrong, it is great for Ellen to find strength to be herself. However, it is so sad for our society that you have to go through such a tough journey just to be yourself. Do you really have to scream from the top of your lungs to be accepted?
Actually, honestly, what really makes me mad is that somebody judges me based on whom I love and not based on who I am as a person. They care more about what I or any other gay person does in the bedroom than who we are as human beings.
How about paying more attention to catholic priests who sexually abuse children? How about paying more attention to domestic violence? How about paying more attention to homeless people? How about paying more attention to starving kids in 3rd world countries? How about paying more attention to finding a cure for diseases? How about paying attention to getting some countries out of the poverty? How about paying more attention to Monsanto and genetically modified foods that are responsible for so many illnesses? How about paying more attention to global warming?
Why would me loving a woman be more important than a sexually abused child? Believe me, me being gay doesn’t hurt anybody…But a priest sexually abusing children or a man beating his wife leaves a bigger devastation…
There is a saying: “…do not judge unless you walked a mile in that person’s shoes…” . We all know the saying, we all understand it but only a few live by it.
How many of us have thought to apply the same principle when it comes to our lives? Step back and take a look at the journey through somebody else’s eyes. It is a journey that you have taken to get here and it is a journey that you are on right now.
When you step back and forget all the rush, all the urgency, all pressing needs to take care of, all offenses, all the pain and hurt, all worries, you might see… You might see an amazing picture.
I am talking about reflecting back on everything you have experienced, every choice you made, every road you took, every chance you used, every chance that you allowed to slip by because you were afraid, every person you met, every person you lost, and the person you have become because of all previously mentioned.
Allow yourself to appreciate the journey that you have been on and open up to new adventures. Not that it will get better or worse but it will definitely bring new things – new awareness, new appreciation, new excitement…
You know that there are people out there that admire everything you have achieved and would love to have even a little piece of what you’ve got. Yes, all your mistakes, all your failures, all your heart breaks, all your happiness.
That is why I suggest that you step back and look at yourself through somebody else’s eyes….You might even like what you see…
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to realize that you can’t go on like that any longer. One day you wake up and it hits you – you are tired, you are afraid, you are weak, you hate yourself, you hate what you have become, you hate your life.
It is a painful and a very exhausting journey. You know that every saying is true and so is this “You can run but you can’t hide”. Whatever you are hiding from, whatever you are running from, it has never gone anywhere. You can lie to yourself, you can pretend or ignore, you can even convince yourself but it will drag you down and as harder you try to avoid as scarier that moment will be.
What moment, you ask?
That moment when you will get smacked with the Truth. You might be looking in the mirror, you might be watching a movie, doing dishes, doing laundry, reading a book…or whatever you do. That moment that you dread so much. That moment when the truth pops into your awareness and you can’t deny it anymore. That moment when you in horror want to stop feeling or thinking due to the most overwhelming feeling that takes over you.
Once you get to that raw Truth, there is no place to go as you have hit rock bottom. You have to face your demons.
It is amazing how we can convince ourselves that ignorance will just make everything go away. We believe in miracles as we can’t, don’t want to or choose not to face the Truth, and deal with it. People come up with amazing things to keep themselves busy, so they just don’t have a moment to close their eyes and just be. If you have a moment, close your eyes and take a deep breath, and guess what – the truth is right there sneaking up on you. Then you get scared and you keep running, you keep lying to yourself, you keep rationalizing, you keep convincing yourself, you refuse to feel.
I understand that you might be scared to allow yourself to feel and to realize the truth, but have you ever asked yourself – what are you missing out on? What are you actually running away from? And what if the truth in reality is not as scary as it seems. Are you happy right now? And do you think that you are given multiple lives to be happy?
You know that if you face your demons, it will be scary for a second but then you will have a happy life as you will stop running, you will not have to hide, and you will feel peace and harmony? You will be you…
Once a person accepts the fact that we all are perfect the way we are and there is nothing to fix or improve, life is much more enjoyable. I am not talking about standing still and I am not talking about doing absolutely nothing about things you think or feel might need to be different.
I am talking about a simple thing – we are perfectly imperfect and you should change or make an effort to do something only when it comes to your awareness and you are inspired to do something. If whatever you change comes easy and feels right, then the change is good.
However, if you are changing because you think you need to follow the trend, you need to conform to standards, you feel like that is what you need to be happy or you think that you need to do something to fit in, to do the right thing, to be normal, to be understood and accepted, then this change is not going to do any good neither to you or somebody else.
There is a huge difference between “I think” and “I feel”. I think is based on beliefs and I feel is based on your soul that knows.
When you change inside, you change the way you see the world and you change the world around you. The world doesn’t need fixing. You do not need fixing.
You wake up, you look around and you realize – holly shit, this is awesome. You are who you are and it is up to you to find a path to walk on. Life is like a game. You never know where your choices will lead you.
It is also like being in the fog – you do not see anything past right here right now. You do your best, you make wild guesses, you dream big, and you fearlessly take risks knowing that they will pay off.
Yes, you might fail but risks always pay off in ways that you might not be aware of. Everything you do has an impact either on you or people around you – it brings happiness, it brings strength, it brings wake up calls, it brings pain, and it makes you a better person.
I came out years ago and it was the best decision I made for myself. If I didn’t, I would still be struggling in every aspect of my life. Being comfortable in your own skin is the first step to happiness and acceptance. It is the first step to learning how to love yourself and let others love you.
All my life I have been afraid that I will never be able to have a normal relationship with another person. I was afraid to get involved as I didn’t know if I knew how to love another person. I didn’t know how it feels when somebody loves you or how it is supposed to feel. Or even better, I questioned myself all the time – how do you even have a relationship? What do you do?
And the answer to that is – you just do. You take one day at a time and learn about yourself, about your feelings, about the other person, and just enjoy the process. There is no such a thing as Relationship or a formula “how to”.
It is as easy and as complicated as it sounds – you get up and you figure it out as you take a step. Every single moment of your life you make a choice to be with that person or not. Be honest with yourself and your partner. It is not about the commitment, it is not about the right thing to do. It is about you, your life, your journey. You are responsible for your choices, your footprints in other people’s lives, and what you choose to do with what you’ve got…
So, this is a love letter to myself. I love your courage to close your eyes and jump even though you are scared shitless.