Is LGBT a Culture or a Curse?
Somebody stumbled upon my blog by searching this question. I thought about it and figured that it deserved a bit more attention than just a smirk.
First, I can’t even wrap my head around it. LGBT as a culture. I would call it more a community than a culture. Let’s ask google.
“… the arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively….”
“..Culture is our way of life. It includes our values, beliefs, customs, languages and traditions….”
“…Culture is a word for people’s ‘way of life’, meaning the way groups do things…”
It looks to me that LGBT is not a way of life or how groups do things. It is not a culture, it is not a way of life, and it definitely is not a lifestyle.
If LGBT is a culture, then Straight should be a culture. No matter how you look, that is not a culture. There is a bunch of LGBT people who hang out together, have events, have celebrations, have a ” community” where everybody is welcomed.
In this day and age there are still people who have no clue about so many things. I do not want to be rude or disrespectful but, dear people, there is google and if you really want to be sure and find facts, please educate yourself.
It still blows my mind that there are people who do not know that:
Homosexuality is not the same as pedophilia
Psychologist is not the same as psychiatrist
Sexual orientation is not a choice but religion is.
Canadians actually speak English and not Canadian
Gays are amazing parents because they choose parenthood. It is planned and wanted.
You can’t raise gay kids. It is not something you can teach somebody. They are born that way.
Calories are not the same. 1,000 burger calories will make you obese. 1,000 salad calories will probably make you just nauseous as it is a lot of greens.
Most of diseases are caused by stress and food you eat and not genetics.
We, humans, are causing global warming. Go read some scientific proof. It is not a myth.
Life is just a dream….
And just to let you know,
– I am gay but I do not have a gay life. I have a life.
– I am not having a gay job. I have a job.
– I do not have a gay marriage. I am married to a wonderful person and I share my life with them. We do laundry, we shop, we go on vacation, we sponsor kids in third world countries, we buy presents for friends and relatives, we renovate, we argue, we yell, we laugh, we agree and we disagree, and etc…
– My friends are not gay friends. I have friends from every walk of life – different age, different gender, different sexual orientation, and different faith. I do not choose friends based on their sexual orientation. I choose my friends based on their personalities and their values.
– I have a car, I do not have a gay car.
– We have a cat and she is not a gay cat.
– I pay taxes. I do not pay gay taxes.
And, just to sum up, nothing is a curse. It is just life. Things happen, but you are the one who determines if it is bad or good. Your attitude defines everything. So, LGBT is a curse only and only if you see it that way and most likely it is because you have surrounded yourself with bad people. There are bad people and good people everywhere – in every country, in every community, in every city, in every family.
No Shit Realization…
More or less, everybody pays attention to the news and everybody has an opinion about almost everything. I watched Ellen Page’s coming out speech and thought to myself: “tell me something I didn’t know”. It was so obvious since the first time I saw her. But this is not about me and it is not about Ellen, it is about LIFE and society.
I will not go into the speech details as it was beautiful from the beginning to the end and you can go find it if you wish to hear what she had to say.
I have talked about “coming out” before and I have asked when my readers are planning on coming out of the closet either about being gay or being religious, or being raped, or being abused, or suffering from a mental disease.
What makes me really sad is that our society instead or waking up and realizing that this life is about enjoyment, living, happiness, being different, being unique, is getting deeper and deeper in a self-created illusion of being perfect, fitting in, and being like everybody else.
“My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered, and my relationships suffered…” says Ellen. These could be words of any person who feels marginalized, who feels bullied in school, at work, in church, by husband/wife, by family, by coworkers, by their own country…
“Being normal”, whatever that means, is the poison that has poisoned our society. It is not getting better, it is getting worse. I am not talking about the acceptance, I am talking about everything – weight, looks, beauty standards, career, and choices. That is like a disease that is taking over the world, slowly occupying everybody’s thoughts.
I do not need to make a statement as I am just living my life. I do not need to go against the flow as my flow will end at some point sooner or later. It is not about fighting the norm as the norm is defined by a small community. It is about the freedom to live your life being free, being free of predefined roles, predefined ways of being and/or existing, predefined identities and predefined choices.
Don’t get me wrong, it is great for Ellen to find strength to be herself. However, it is so sad for our society that you have to go through such a tough journey just to be yourself. Do you really have to scream from the top of your lungs to be accepted?
Actually, honestly, what really makes me mad is that somebody judges me based on whom I love and not based on who I am as a person. They care more about what I or any other gay person does in the bedroom than who we are as human beings.
How about paying more attention to catholic priests who sexually abuse children? How about paying more attention to domestic violence? How about paying more attention to homeless people? How about paying more attention to starving kids in 3rd world countries? How about paying more attention to finding a cure for diseases? How about paying attention to getting some countries out of the poverty? How about paying more attention to Monsanto and genetically modified foods that are responsible for so many illnesses? How about paying more attention to global warming?
Why would me loving a woman be more important than a sexually abused child? Believe me, me being gay doesn’t hurt anybody…But a priest sexually abusing children or a man beating his wife leaves a bigger devastation…
Death
Isn’t this a TABOO topic? Most of us go through life like we are immortal behaving like death happens everywhere else but here, not in our lives, not close to home.
The moment thoughts of losing somebody dear crosses our minds, we try to push them out and bury them. We do not want to think as thinking hurts so much that we are afraid that we will not be able to function if we let these thoughts linger around.
If we get hurt or die, it is different from losing somebody that matters to us – a partner, a pet, a friend, a family member…If we die, then nothing matters anymore. If somebody else dies and we stay, the unbearable pain and emptiness will always be with us. We have to learn to live and enjoy life without them.
We know that nobody escapes death. We all will die sooner or later. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be in 10 minutes or it could be in 50 years – nobody is safe and that is the only truth we know.
Does knowing change your view of life? Does knowing change choices you make? Sometimes…
We still have a natural tendency to hide from fear. Knowing and understanding has nothing against fear.
You might try to face FEAR, you might choose to ignore it and go on like nothing happened and nothing will happen, you might want to turn to religion that promises eternal life, you might turn to atheism that acknowledges non-existence, or you might choose to cherish every single moment of your life and live like there is no tomorrow without knowing or needing to know what happens after death.
When you face death, when it hits you where it hurts the most, you start realizing how fragile we are. We realize that it takes a second to go from being to not being. Sometimes you don’t even have time to say goodbye.
I can talk for hours and still not get anywhere, and not be able to come to any conclusion except already known statements:
– choose to be happy
– choose to follow your dreams
– Choose to live for yourself
– Surround yourself with people who bring joy and happiness to your life
– walk away from everything that is not making you a better person
– walk away from beliefs that are not yours
– choose to smile every day
– realize that there is nothing wrong with this world or people in it
– love what you do and do what you love
– do not let anybody tell you who you are and what you need to be or becomes
– inspire yourself and those around you just by being yourself and being proud of who you are
– forgive yourself and forgive those who have done you wrong in the past as you live today right here, right now
– appreciate those who choose to be around you and who want to have you in their lives
– don’t be afraid to reach out to those who matter and enjoy time with them as tomorrow might never come or tomorrow might be too late
– realize that fear is a taught feeling and it keeps you away from living a fulfilling life. It keeps you away from doing things that might make you happy. But fear will not keep you alive or will not postpone your death. Then why do you let FEAR rule your life?
Reflection – Soul Searching…
I have been reading some blogs where people do interpretations and reflections of things, pictures, events, feelings, and etc. So, I thought I will try one out and randomly went to the next blog on WordPress and grabbed the first title I saw.
Soul searching it is!
You are sitting on the floor staring at the wall and can’t believe the pain you feel. You can’t express it in words, you can’t even describe it in sounds. It is so deep. You feel lost. You feel like ground beneath your feet is crumbling. You look at your hands and they are uncontrollably shaking. You cross them and hold on tight but as harder you try as more you shake, and those are not just your hands anymore.
You have never felt like this before. It hurts everywhere. It even hurts to think. You try to breathe but you realize, there is no air. You are gasping for it when you realize you are actually drowning in your own thoughts. How do you stop them from popping in and popping out? It comes from nowhere and it goes nowhere.
Why does it hurt to breathe? Why does it hurt so much? You want to let go but you can’t. Something is holding you by your throat. Is it fear? Does fear come with pain? Can fear choke you to death? Maybe it can choke the pain out of you?
When the realization comes that you are about to lose your soul, the hell breaks loose. If you hold on, you will lose it forever. If you do not hold on, it might not come back. So you are sitting on the floor, tears are engraving pathways on your cheeks and you have no idea how long you have been on the floor mourning something untouchable, unreachable and maybe even non-existent.
Do you die when you lose your soul? If “Soul” is a myth, then why does it hurt so much?
The Dark Humor – Door To Door
Photo By Mari Lewis
I can’t help it. I have to share this. This story brought tears to my eyes. Not to mention that I was oxygen deprived for a few seconds due to lack of breathing ability.
I would love to have been part of the conversation and see the Politician’s priceless facial expression.
I have to admire the mother as it takes hell of a sense of humor to pull this off with a straight face and look like you actually mean it, and that you will not hesitate to follow through if required.
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Politician: …you have yourself a nice day, m’am.
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Relationship & Friendship – Are You Meant To Have Them?
Author Unknown
Is your relationship bringing the best out in you or it is enforcing your insecurities? Are you becoming a better person or you are noticing that things are getting more difficult?
When you have found that one special person (either a partner or just a friend) and make a choice to keep them in your life, it should be because they bring peace, happiness, stability, different ways of looking at life, events, situations, and they challenge you to become better.
Relationships, any relationships, (should) create a feeling of stability and content in your life. You think of that person and you feel trust, you feel appreciation, and respect. Your partner or your friend will challenge you, will question your decisions, will constructively criticize you, call your bullshit, and show you a different perspective.
Are you glowing? Do your friends, family, and co-workers see a positive change in you? Do they notice how happy you are or are they looking at you and wondering about reasons you have changed? Do they notice and acknowledge that this relationship is the best thing that could have happened to you?
Are you calmer? Are you less irritable? Are you able to talk to your partner about everything and share your fears, concerns, and dislikes? Are you able to tell your partner that you want to spend a weekend with your friends without your them? Or you are avoiding situations like that and find all kinds of excuses? Are you rationalizing every choice you make?
Are you sure about your own choices? Do you trust yourself and your relationships?
Maybe its time to look at yourself and your attitude? Are you even ready to have any relationships – not just romantic but also friendships?
When I think of my partners (ex and present) and my friends, these are qualities I value the most:
– integrity: Ethical principles and values.
– reliability: I know they will stand by me through thin and thick. I know they will call me on my bullshit and not let me live in denial. I rely on them to set me straight
– doing what’s right and not what is perhaps easy: Never choose between your friends and your partner as they both can co-exist.
– honesty: I’d rather hear the truth and deal with it. I do not like playing games.
– declining to participate in destructive gossip or spreading rumors: Geezez, I hate drama
– trustworthy: I want to be able to trust my friends and my partner to be honest with me no matter what and also expect no less of me. If it takes brutal honesty, then that is what it is – both ways.
– admitting faults and willing to work through misunderstandings: we build our relationship not just on laughter and fun but also on difficulties that we face together
Self awareness is the change agent for enhancing our credibility in our own eyes and having a positive impact on those who surround us.
So, what friends do you want in your life? Are you ready to have good friends or you just want to have somebody to spent time with and support you no matter what you do and what choices you make.
Do you want honesty and trust that sometimes comes with great pain and struggles or you just want to spend time together drinking beer, talking about relationships and avoiding every relationship that will make you look deeper into yourself and maybe even admit that you usually chose the easy way out?
Your Life is Your Message
Your Life is Your Message to the world. Make sure that you have lived it and not wasted. Make sure that you keep people around who love you for who you are and appreciate what you have to give them. Love your friends and accept their flaws as no one is perfect.
Love And Hate…
Don’t you sometimes wonder why some people stay in your life and some just pass through? I have and I am thankful for each one of them.
I watched so many episodes of Bones today and even though it is all about murders, bones, dead bodies, flesh, gross stuff, and getting the right person arrested, it is all about people, friendships, and relationships between people.
So, I took a look at every singe person in my life. I took a look at my friends that I love dearly and would never want to lose.
Some of them just walked into my life and stayed there, and I, honestly, don’t have an explanation why. We are so different and if I had to pick them as my friends, I would never do so. However, I would never give them up as the connection we have is not something I can describe or understand. It is a love-hate relationship that I can’t be without.
Some of them I chose to keep as there was something about them that made me feel attracted to them. Not in a sexual way but in a way that makes you a better person. You know how some people just bring a different perspective to things, events, facts, and life itself? This perspective might not be something you agree upon but it definitely gives you that one missing piece of explanation that you can’t just find yourself.
Some of them are people I would date in a heart beat if I was not in love with the most wonderful person I have ever met. These people are the ones I have that special “click” with. You know, when you just know that you have known them even before you were born?
Those are people who you have that deep connection with that freaks you out. The connection that exists on so many levels that you don’t even need words to explain. You look at them and you know – they are so special to your heart that you would never ever give your friendship away. You love them just because they exist.
Once in a blue moon you have no clue why you are forced to meet certain people, either it is for work, an x-mas party, maybe a social event, a meeting, a social club, or maybe just a grocery store. However, within a few moments, maybe hours, maybe weeks, or maybe a few years, you have that one conversation that changes everything.
So, today, I wanted to say not just thank you for being a huge part of my life, but also for being there for me just by being yourself. I love each one of you – either I have met you in the virtual world or face to face. If you feel the same way about me, you know who you are…
thank you….
The Truth Box
We all have secrets! We all have things that we do not talk about! We all have memories that we wish were made up. And we have mind created memories of events that never happened.
However, what actually impresses me is that there are people who let others around them think that something is true but never make an effort to share the actual truth. Yes, sometime it is not worth even trying and sometimes there is no need.
I read a Single Dad Laughing’s compilation of What people think is true and What actually is true, and two entries caught my attention.
“Having the secret gives me power over at east something in my life”. How about leaving? How about taking charge of your own life and having a chance of being happy? How about leaving to have a chance to meet somebody who will love you and respect you? How about reaching out for help?
I don’t understand this – having an affair and staying in that relationship is helping how…? I am afraid to think what will happen when the husband finds out about this affair.
This is a good one. That made me smile and say – you go girl. Not that I support affairs with married people but we all have choices to make. Being considered a lesbian apparently is better than admitting the affair.
LGBT senior housing – Curse or Blessing?
Politicians and activists broke ground for a LGBT friendly senior housing community in Philadelphia, reports Gay Star News.
I have meant to write about this for a while but I was not sure what to say. I had mixed feelings about this and I needed to think. First thoughts that ran through my head were: “Are you serious? Now you are going to gather all of them together, shove them in one place and isolate them from the world?”
However, as more I thought about it and as more I tried to imagine myself at that golden age as more I started to understand. It is not about isolation and it is not about gathering people, and labeling them.
I have always thought that it is silly to separate people by their sexuality. We fall in love with the same sex but we still function and live the same way as everybody else. We make friends based on their personalities, values, and morals, and not whom they sleep with.
This project is important because of Acceptance, as opposed to Tolerance. Most of the seniors over 60 have been raised in the era that wasn’t extremely tolerant. I can only imagine that bullying is not just an issue in schools, and being amongst people that accept you and understand is important. It gives you peace of mind, comfort and emotional fulfillment, and most of all – it gives you feeling of belonging.
This project is about giving our seniors a safe place to call home.
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