You know that one thing that everybody seems to know about but you? You know that one thing that you are supposed to do? That one thing that you are not supposed to do? That one thing that you are supposed to be calm about?
Maybe that one thing that you are trying not to think about but it keeps popping in and out and keeps reminding you of its existence? That one darn thing that doesn’t allow you to fall asleep peacefully?
What about it? Nothing…absolutely nothing.
I wanted to talk about a different thing. Everybody wants to be in peace. Everybody wants to be happy. Everybody wants to hush those voices in their heads. But the truth is – very few are willing to do the work that is required.
You know how they say – ignorance is bliss? No, not the ignorance but thoughtful choice to not know what people are convinced everybody needs to know and worry about.
Everybody wants to be next Dalai Lama – smart, peaceful, deep and inspirational. Everybody wants to be as happy and as worry fee as monks of Tibet. What is the difference between a monk and you?
A monk has no clue that he has to worry about earning money, about a car payment, about politics or about what others think of him. He has chosen to unlearn everything he knew and learn just to be in a moment.
Are you ready to unlearn your truth? I do not think so. You will always find an excuse why you can’t and when you finally run out of excuses, it will be too late.
Have you noticed that often things just keep going wrong and you just want to know why? And sometimes that is not just one thing. It is usually a streak of multiple things just happening again and again and you just want to know when your bad luck is going to turn into something good?
No matter how hard you look or try to understand, it seems, that there is no good explanation?
I have talked about this before but I wanted to bring it up again. It is not a bad luck. It is a sign that you are sending to yourself. You make choices that lead you and put you where you are today, right here, right now, and in those situations. You can’t say that somebody else made you do something, somebody else made that choice for you.
Every situation is created by you for you. Take a look at what happened and if you had to take a few steps back and look at it, what do you see? If it wasn’t you but somebody else? If you were watching a movie, what choices and feelings would lead somebody into a situation like that?
You are just not listening to your heart and your inner voice that is telling you about the choice(s) that you have to make, and your brain is procrastinating, avoiding, and ignoring.
Maybe it is time to slow down and take a break?
May be it is time to evaluate where you are, what you want, and what direction you should be heading?
Maybe it is time to let go and move on?
And maybe it is time to take a deep breath and jump?
Often we brush off the feeling and just do what’s right or what we should be doing. And then things start going wrong. We get stubborn and continue on the path of ignorance . We fill our days with positive thoughts, we do things, we avoid thinking and feeling, and just keep going.
And no, no matter how somebody tries to convince me that these things are unrelated, I do not agree as I have been there, done that, and every time I look back, I see a clear picture.
So, the right answer in a form of an event is offered to you at the right time. You just need to learn to read between the lines you wrote.
Do you have that person in your life that calls your bullshit no matter how hard you try to hide it? You know, you spend hours talking and telling this great story how things are great or awesome in your life and at the end he or she summarizes it all in one sentence – bullshit.
No matter how hard you try to deceive yourself with sweet lies and convince yourself one way or another way somehow they see thru all that. It seems like you are looking in the mirror, trying to tell yourself how beautiful you are, how nice your hair is, how stylish you are but at the end you actually only see the real you – someone who did not shower this morning, who has messed up hair and smeared makeup.
I am just wondering how many people would actually pick the bitter truth over sweet lies? How many people would choose a friend who sees past your bullshit, calls it and doesn’t think twice about it? And how many people would actually choose someone who doesn’t give a damn and ignores your inner struggles?
I stumbled upon an interesting article for those who are looking for a new job. It was talking about the change in thinking and how job interviews are changing from bullying to appreciating.
I giggled when an author compared old style to being interviewed by zombies who ask you a set of questions to get certain answers and if you do not give them a straight answer on how much you make or what is your greatest weakness, they don’t know what to do with that.
But this is not about job interviews or looking for a job, this is about something that the author said:
Only the people who get you deserve you.
Exactly! Why would you go for a company where you can’t be yourself. Why would you even considered getting a job with a company that is not flexible, doesn’t change, and doesn’t appreciate creative or unique people?
People forget that it is not you who is in great need of them to give you a job, it is a two-way street. You are also interviewing them. You spend 2/3 of your day at work. It is your second home. Those people are almost like family. If you have to work to pay your bills, at least spend the day having fun and building great relationships with people who get you.
And again, you get what you think you deserve – love, job, friends, and life itself.
Do you want to know who I really am? Of course not, because you are more concerned about your life and your purpose, and your importance in this world. Same way as everyone else and there is nothing wrong with that.
As it concerns me, it is as simple as it gets. I am a bullshit meter, as my friends call me. I reflect on what I see.
Some think I am rude, some think I am way too blunt, some think I am tactless, some think I am inconsiderate, some think I am funny, some think I am sarcastic, some think I am soft on the inside and hard on the outside.
It is all true because I am part of the universe and I am part of your life because you need me in it. We surround ourselves with people that we need. We seek those that fill in the gaps in our hearts. And I am who you think I am because that is what you see.
I speak the truth, I do not hide it. I do not pretend that I do not see and I do not avoid calling bullshit. My truth might not be everybody’s truth but I do not pretend to be better than I am. What you see is what you get.
I am nobody and I am everything. I am somebody only when somebody seeks me out and keeps me in their lives. And I am nobody for those who are not looking for what I can bring into their lives.
That is why I say – go with the flow and stop judging yourself. There is no right or wrong, things just are. Yes, even if you are angry, upset or get pulled into a vicious circle of ups and downs, it is still not wrong. That is just the journey you are on and you need to enjoy it.
If you come back to my blog and read what I have to say, that means that I have what you need. My existence brings words that you need to hear, feelings that you need to feel, laughs that you need to enjoy. Otherwise we would have never met in person or virtually.
And to wrap this up – we do not need labels to define who we are. We just need to be.
We were coming back from a friend’s wedding and somehow got into a conversation about friendship. Yes, so many articles have been written about this, so many other conversations have been had, and not much have changed since the day people started developing friendships with each other.
The question that we tried to answer was the following:
If your friend starts dating, do you have to automatically accept the partner as your friend?
Some time ago somebody made a statement that you have to and that it is unacceptable not to.
My personal stand is – absolutely not. And here is why.
Friendship is like a marriage. You love your friends but are not sexually attracted to them. You can’t live with them but you can’t live without them either. You are drawn to them and you enjoy spending time with them. It is a love hate story. You might not agree with certain choices or beliefs but you wholeheartedly love the person for who they are.
You can’t just marry or date into a friendship.
We do not pick our friends based on whom they are dating. You have to earn the trust to be considered a friend. Partners can be tolerated and accepted as part of your friends’ life but they also can be not welcomed into a house and not invited to some gatherings if they have been disrespectful or have done or said something hurtful.
You respect your friends’ choices and you accept them but you are not obligated to be friends with the partner. You can’t bully somebody into friendship and you are definitely not obligated just because it is your friend’s partner.
Friendship is a different kind of love story. You have a click with a person. You can’t fake that click. They make you laugh, they challenge you, they make your day just by being themselves. You can’t fake that.
What do you think? Do you have to accept your friend’s partner as your friend just because they are together?
We live our lives day in day out taking one step at a time closer to the end. Some choose not to think about it, some embrace the thought and some freak out. No matter what you do, you will die, and the sooner you accept the fact that this is all you’ve got, the better chances of not wasting your life you have.
Bronnie Ware wrote an article in 2012 about people and their regrets after they were sent home to die. It is worth re-posting and reminding people that the right time is now. Not tomorrow, not in a week, but right here, right now….
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”