Yes, today is the day. Not tomorrow or some other day, but “today”. Somebody told me that one day they will make their dreams come true. I wished them good luck with that and thought to myself – “nope, you will not make your dreams come true”.
Not because the dream is silly and not because it can’t be done, but because that someday will never come. If your dream is not important today, it will never be important, and you will just keep postponing. There is always something else that gets in a way – family, job, bills, time, fear, beliefs…
We hide so well behind rationalization and we have an explanation for everything. We expect miracles. We are waiting for that perfect moment that never comes.
This also reminded me of Christmas and New Year’s resolutions. We promise ourselves to change, we make lists of things that we will do different and things that we will achieve but in reality it is bullshit. Christmas is not better than today. There is no difference between today, be it Wednesday or Friday, and Christmas. It is just a day. One day in our lives. One day that passes by and gets us closer to the day we die. You know that at the end there is death, right? Nothing more and nothing less.
So why would you say that one day I will make my dreams come true and not do it today? Why would you waste your precious time not making yourself happy, not doing something that you will enjoy, not achieving goals that you know will make a difference, maybe not in somebody else’s life but definitely yours?
I am writing this because my mother made me really sad today. She made me realize that no matter how I try to explain to her that being happy is her choice, she will never be happy unless she changes her thinking and her attitude towards life. I have to give up on her no matter how much I love her. Yes, I do.
Do you know why?
Because I can’t live her life. I can’t make choices for her, I can’t tell her how to live and how to think. It is her journey and she has to find her own way. I can’t fight her battles. She has to…
My mother needs to find a way to come to a realization that her happiness is her own choice. She needs to realize that her dreams of being happy are dreams that will never come true unless she chooses to be happy right here right now. Not because somebody else makes her happy but because she makes a choice to be happy.
Whatever your dreams is – you need to go for it today. Not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, not the day the earth stops spinning. You choose what to do with your life. Happiness and emotional fulfillment depends on your choices and not random life events and people. Your dreams become real when you choose them over your fears and beliefs.
That’s why the time is now. There are no detours… It is today and not tomorrow!
When are you going to come out of the closet? And I do not mean announcing that you are gay. I mean when are you going to have that difficult, hard, and heart wrenching conversation about that THING?
The other day I was watching a lesbian giving a speech on “The Closet” and she had an amazing point – we all have a closet and we all come out of the closet maybe once, maybe twice, maybe multiple times in our lives. I even reposted that on Facebook so this speech reaches more people than I can.
When we say, how did you come out of the closet, we might as well ask:
How did you tell your kids about the divorce?
How did you tell your mom about the cancer? Have you told anybody?
How did you tell your husband or wife about the rape? Will they ever find out?
How did you tell everybody about the death of….
How did you tell your spouse about the gambling problem?
How did you tell somebody that they are fired?
And I can continue – how did you…
The point to all this is – we are not coming out of the closet, we are just talking about things that are hard to talk about. Things that hurt us, that might not be understood and perceived well. We are talking about things that we might be keeping to ourselves for some time.
And it is so true – being afraid and hurting, a.k.a being in the closet, is not a place to be for any human.
Once you see it, you understand. It has nothing to do with being gay, it is about the hardest thing that we have ever done or will do. It is about those hard conversations that we have to have…
So, when are you coming out of the closet?
So, I was just thinking if those sayings are applicable for the past full of negative experiences or also for positive? Let’s assume you did something and it made you feel happy. Have you even been able to recreate that happiness? I doubt it. No matter what choices you make, the end result is different. It might come close to whatever you have felt or experienced before but it is never the same.
Everybody knows that you can’t repeat your past, good or bad. You can make similar choices that end hurting you but knowing or understanding previous mistakes are not going to change anything.
Then why do you need to remember?
I can see opponents saying that you need to ask the right questions about your past and if you do, you are most prepared to live life to the fullest in the present. Is that true? And who knows those right questions? Is there actually anybody credible who has figured this “Life” thing out and knows how it works? Yes, there are all kinds of books teaching you meditation, teaching you self-awareness, teaching you the right way to live, love and succeed. But, the honest truth is, so-called gurus, still struggle, still are searching for answers, still as confused as one might get.
Past, future….it is all one – just an illusion that we have created for ourselves. It is just time that has passed by and left footprints that we do not clearly remember, understand or can confirm to be true. And why do we need to waste precious time of living to remember and ask questions about something that might not even be true and cannot be repeated?
Wouldn’t that be more productive and enjoyable to pay attention to what is going on today? It has happened to you and I know it has. A friend tells you about something that you did some time ago and how happy or unhappy you were but you can’t remember. So, do you think your life is worse or better because you do not remember?
I will make a statement that I believe is true and most likely somebody has already made it before me: Those who forget their past are happy. What you do not know or remember can’t hurt you…
I go with a flow and I know that whatever happened, happened because I wanted it to. I might have not liked it and maybe I was far away from being thrilled about it but it was the best that could have happened. I do not know if tomorrow will come and what it will bring but I know for sure – future is going to be perfect. It will be a hell of a ride and I will enjoy every second of it – good or bad, happy or sad, bliss or agony – because that is what life is about…
A question that makes you sit down and make a list. To make a list, you have to admit to yourself all the fears that you have and also identify all the dreams, wishes, and wants that you will never fulfill because you are afraid. You will also identify what kind of fear it is. It might trigger all kinds of excuses, explanations, rationalization why you can’t over come it.
Hopefully, if you choose to sit down and make that list, it will reveal some ridiculous unconscious fear and you will be able to get rid of it as it is not relevant anymore.
What would I try if I had no fear?
1. I would want to volunteer at an animal shelter.
I am afraid that I will be emotionally distraught all the time. I love animals and I get attached really easy. It would break my heart to see abused and abandoned animals all the time. I would want to adopt all of them.
If money wasn’t an issue, I would own a huge property and take in all the lost and abandoned souls. Till then, I want to protect my heart.
2. I would want to repel down a highrise building.
I am afraid of heights.
There is a saying: “…do not judge unless you walked a mile in that person’s shoes…” . We all know the saying, we all understand it but only a few live by it.
How many of us have thought to apply the same principle when it comes to our lives? Step back and take a look at the journey through somebody else’s eyes. It is a journey that you have taken to get here and it is a journey that you are on right now.
When you step back and forget all the rush, all the urgency, all pressing needs to take care of, all offenses, all the pain and hurt, all worries, you might see… You might see an amazing picture.
I am talking about reflecting back on everything you have experienced, every choice you made, every road you took, every chance you used, every chance that you allowed to slip by because you were afraid, every person you met, every person you lost, and the person you have become because of all previously mentioned.
Allow yourself to appreciate the journey that you have been on and open up to new adventures. Not that it will get better or worse but it will definitely bring new things – new awareness, new appreciation, new excitement…
You know that there are people out there that admire everything you have achieved and would love to have even a little piece of what you’ve got. Yes, all your mistakes, all your failures, all your heart breaks, all your happiness.
That is why I suggest that you step back and look at yourself through somebody else’s eyes….You might even like what you see…
You know how they say – when you are in love, you do not see reality. You are living in a dream state. You seem way too happy. You do not notice things around you, you do not worry, you are living in the moment.
But I say – it is the real life. When you are in love, you are not living in a dream, you are living the way you are supposed to. You are supposed to love, you are supposed to be in love every single moment of your life.
Please, do not misunderstand and take it as an affection towards one person. No, you are supposed to be in love with your life, with your job, with your car, with Mother Nature, with Sun, with your pillow, with everything that comes your way either that is a person or a situation.
When you are in love, things sort themselves out in a very natural way. You see things for what they truly are. You pay attention to what really matters and do not see things, events, and emotions that are just waste of your time.
Do you really need to be upset because somebody didn’t do their report on time? Does your life really depend on a guy who keeps counting pennies to pay for his coffee and it takes way too long? Somebody scratched your car! So what….Nothing in this life is worth except living and enjoying living.
If being in love is the actual reality, real life, then what is the rest – the day-to-day stuff?
Will you be surprised if I say, that is a dream? Everything around us is just an imaginative creation. It is just a perception of everything that happens. We interpret it as we see it fit depending on what mood we are in, thoughts we have , expectations, dreams, and desires.
So, I will say it again – when you are in love, you see things the way you are supposed to see them and you live your life how you are supposed to by defining your priorities. No, you do not owe anybody anything. No, you do not need approval to be who you are. No, you do not have to fit in and be live everyone else. No, you do not have to listen to your parents and make your choices based on their dreams. Don’t fill your heart with small unimportant stuff.
Yes, love is disgustingly awesome.
Do you have inner demons that you are fighting with on a daily basis? Have you noticed that once you are done with one of them, two are showing up to take its place? Have you noticed that it is a never-ending battle?
We live with a belief that we have to fight demons from our past to get ahead. We live with a belief that we need to learn to get over our childhood traumas to be able to have a good life and to achieve something better. Self help books, therapists, meditation, spiritual leaders and their teaching – all of them have something to say and to suggest. All of them have a plan how to get you out of the shit hole into a shiny future. However, have you noticed that somehow you always are the only one who is left behind? It always works for somebody else but you. No matter how you try, it is never working for you and you always end up spending your money on useless books, seminars, conferences, and therapies.
Have you ever asked why? Of course you and once you ask this question, you stumble upon another guru who wants to teach you a new technique, give you hope that this time it is going to be different. The truth is – it will not. Why? You know why, You already know the answer. And the answer is – it is all bullshit.
You know it but you still have hope that one day you will find that right book, right feeling, right words, right…whatever…that will get you out of the sewer. You have a hope that you will defeat your demons.
I was listening to an audio file and for some reason this was the first time I heard something that hit me right where it hurts. Not that this was the first time I listened to it but this was the first time I heard it.
I want to share this revelation that is not exactly a revelation but something well-known.
Our past and our past experiences are little and big demons that we try to fight, we try to overcome, we try to understand so we can get out of the sewer into the world without a baggage, without things that hold us back. However, we do not realize that if we choose to face them and fight them, we will never get out of the sewer because we are fighting these demons in the sewer and they just keep coming and coming and coming. Demons do not come to win, they are there to distract us from getting out.
What does that mean? that just means – forget it. Do not fight. Leave it where it is. Don’t forget where you want to be and go for it. If you pay more attention to what you need to overcome to get somewhere than actually getting there, you are wasting your time.