Tag Archive | The Truth

We Are All Ugly

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Like every morning, I was on a train heading to work. That morning I felt like I was coming down with something and my head was just not right. I felt that my sensory receptors were all messed up. The sound, the smell, the vision, the touch – everything was misfiring. Things that usually were pleasant and enjoyable suddenly seemed annoying and out of place.

I was looking around and realized that everyone was ugly. Every single person on the train was ugly. It’s amazing what some kind of flu can do to you and how it can impact the way you perceive the world around you.

Even though I was looking around in total horror, I knew, this was not the world I knew; this was not the world that I loved.  However, it was a really good reminder of the fake world I live in. The reason everyone seemed so ugly was – advertisement. You know, all those posters on street corners and TV ads that show 1/100 of a population that is deemed to be beautiful to convince you to buy stuff.

The reality of it all is that you are targeted to think that stuff you buy online will somehow make you better, somehow will fix your imperfections, somehow will make you more desirable, prettier, more handsome, more …

I know my worth. I know that posters lie when they tell me that the only way to be happy is to be skinny, to have a perfect face, perfect features, perfect teeth, and etc.

I do not need other people’s approval to feel content.  I know that. I know that I and only I am responsible for my own happiness. I know that neither clothes nor lotions will improve my self-confidence. I know that happiness is not obtained by owning things or by looking a certain way or by achieving a certain status in our society. But, I also know that there are so many people that do not know that, do not feel that, and do not believe that they are enough.

This world has become a rotten place. And what I mean by that is that everything is driven by a desire to be rich, to be independent, and to be well off. People want to be successful businessmen/businesswomen, so they buy information and education on how to cater you and how to reach into to your insecurities. People want to attract the right audience to sell their stuff but, it seems, that instead of addressing the need, they actually create Despair. Do you really need botox or that new cover-up foundation to hide your imperfections to make you perfect?

I know that but do the majority of society does? Do you think that young teenagers know the difference between marketing and reality?

I knew that the ugliness of people on the train is actually the utmost perfection of our Mother Nature. You are beautiful because you are ugly. I mean it. Ugliness is not being ugly. Ugliness is an amazing uniqueness of you being you of being different and it is a beautiful thing. Ugliness is the real Beauty. Ugliness is just being different and being unique and not looking like a face on the poster.

Think about it. You are loved because you are not like everyone else. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for people to realize that sometimes it is a curse to be considered beautiful as everyone is seeing you as a trophy or some kind of a magical unicorn. You are the eye candy, the trophy, the poster on the wall, that is used because whoever is pursuing you, most likely, is extremely insecure and struggles with the low self-esteem. They look for a poster to display to feel good about themselves. They don’t care about what you like or what makes you happy. You are just a very expensive prestige thing to show to others. It’s almost like you are the ugly thing that no one wants for who you are but wants you for the value that you are.

Of course, it doesn’t always fully apply to everyone. There are exceptions to this rule. I am just talking about my feelings riding the public transportation and comparing people to the only reference I had – a poster of pretty people that I saw on the platform before I boarded the city train.

It is amazing how simple things like posters can make you write a blog post just because your body decided to take a day off. At the end of the day, “ugly” is the new beautiful.  I am ugly, you are ugly, everyone is ugly. We are ugly in one way and beautiful in many other ways.

We are ugly to some people and the most beautiful thing in this world to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – a well known saying.  In my world, the most important part of that train ride with ugly people is that I actually enjoyed the experience. It was mind-blowing, it was disgusting, it was funny, and it was so thought-provoking. That was exactly what I needed.

So, let’s be ugly and love it!

Ready, Set, Blog! Divine Mission- Possible

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This is my post contribution to Linda’s (Litebeing’s) blog challenge – Divine mission possible

The challenge is this:

Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.

Oh, Yeah, mission possible or impossible – just write.

I guess, figuring out what your purpose in this life is or figuring out what your mission in life is or figuring out why the h**l you are here for, is the most sought-after question, and, I think, I have shared my thoughts on this in one of my blog posts some time ago. I don’t like labels and I do not like assuming that I know what my spiritual mission might be. I might be a lightworker, I might be Indigo, I might just be a figment of someone’s imagination.

But, you know, it doesn’t matter what my mission on earth is. What matters is – that I realize that no one is going to get out of this alive. And what does that have to do with anything? I think the answer is the most obvious realization – everything. That statement should set off all the bells in my head. Nothing and nobody matters. What matters is that I live my life and enjoy it. What matters is that I choose what makes me happy.

I have said it before and it has been said by so many before me – you are going to die. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in 20 years, and maybe in 100. When you die, actually, depends on what you want and what you believe in.

Deep down I know and you know, and, hopefully, everyone else around us realizes that nobody’s opinion or beliefs are important to you or me or them. Life is such a fragile thing – stuff happens either you want it or not. People will always judge you by how you made them feel. What you have done or achieved doesn’t matter to anyone except you and people who got positively impacted by your actions.

At the end of the day, you only matter to yourself and people who love you and think that they need you in their lives to be happy.

In my humble opinion, it is a mission impossible to be able to live a perfect life when you do the right thing for others. However, it is mission “possible” to live your life so you are happy. When you are happy and you thoughtfully, without intentionally hurting others, choose what is best for you, you make people around you happy. If you are happy, you share your happiness. If you are not happy, that is the only thing you have to share with the world around you. So, by somewhat being selfish you, actually, make the world a better place.

I just want to point out, that I am not talking about being greedy, being mean, being inconsiderate or being intentionally hurtful. I am talking about just choosing not to worry about other people’s opinion on what you need to be or what choices you need to make so they feel comfortable in their own skin. I am talking about living your own life, being who you are, and making choices that make you happy.

You know, how sometimes parents ask you to not tell people about what you do or who you are, and you know that they are asking you to lie or hide the truth because it would somehow make them look bad? That is exactly what I am talking about. It is not your responsibility to make your parents’ dreams come true. It is not your responsibility to make sure they feel good about themselves. It is not your responsibility to pick a path that they do not perceive to be embarrassing. They have their own path to choose, their own choices to make and their own happiness to experience.

Your mission in life is to live your life with a smile on your face and enjoy every choice you make. It is not an easy choice to choose yourself over your parents, your friends, your family, and/ or your community. However, at the end of the day when you are about to die, would any of them matter? Of course not! The only thing that will matter when you are about to say goodbye to this opportunity, so-called – life, will be the regret that you always valued other people’s opinions more than your own want to be happy.

When I choose “me” and make choices that make me happy, I also attract more things that make me happy and content.

My mission in life is to laugh more, enjoy more,  be more…and make things possible. My happiness depends only on me and me only. Nobody is responsible for my happiness – neither people nor their choices nor circumstances. I am alone responsible for my own life and for making it possible. When I am happy with who I am and life that I live, only then I am able to share this happiness with someone else. And only then it is possible…

I would like to ask Carolyn Page to join the conversation if she chooses to share her light and talk about her mission in life. She is one of the people that always makes me smile and reminds me of a never-ending light.

The Struggle Is Not Real…

1069284_10151741035955638_1948076237_nTo struggle means – making forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction. It sounds like experiencing Struggle is not a laughing matter, so when I see memes or references to “..struggle is real..”, it kind of makes me sad.


Well, because there is another definition for “the struggle is real..”, and it is: “…”The Struggle” refers to the difficulty and danger that is faced, every day, by those of lower socio-economic class living in areas such as housing projects and ghettos….” (Urban dictionary).

When you look at this definition, it sounds like a mocking, like someone who is well off making jokes about violent struggles of those who did not inherit a fortune from their parents or were not lucky enough to come up with a great idea to start a business, or had an idea but was not able to secure funding.

Of course, not all memes are about less fortunate struggling to survive, but when you think about the official meaning, it sometimes makes it way too real and reminds you of horrors that you might have seen or experienced.

Yes, I laugh at pictures of a T-rex trying to make the bed or someone’s attempt to untangle the headphones, or being too short to reach for the top shelf where the peanut butter is, and I have to admit that the struggle is real when you look at things from that angle.

We make fun of things, so we do not have to cry about the reality. We make fun of ourselves, so we escape the sad truth. We make fun of the life we live, so we find something positive in the situation that hurts us the most.

We joke and we make people and ourselves laugh to escape the reality. And that makes me realize that the struggle is not real, it is artificially created by our society, by our political leaders, and sometimes by our own choices. It is extremely real for those who are caught in the middle of the grind…

Once you have the awareness of the artificially created meaning of life and the drive to belong, you have an extremely hard time fitting in. You still follow the rules of the game because you have no other choice – you still need to pay your bills, you still need to eat, you still need to take care of your family…so you immerse yourself and go on.


How To Get Over Yourself…

life before death” No, don’t judge yourself by the years. You are as young as your heart feels”, says a granddaughter to her grandma couple days before her 90th birthday.

“Well, then I am already buried”, she answers…

These words struck me like lightning. Alzheimer’s is a brutal disease. It takes a healthy mind a locks it up in a dark room with no memories, no past, and no future. You are in the darkness, scared, confused, and basically almost dead.

We all make the same mistake. We think we have enough time to do or say whatever but, in reality, we don’t. Her answer keeps echoing in my mind over and over and the more I think ( I know, I should stop thinking) the more

Her answer keeps echoing in my mind over and over and the more I think ( I know, I should stop thinking) the more I realize, the death is near. Yes, it could be 50 or 100 years away but it also could just a second away. It doesn’t have to be the actual physical death, it can just be something that erases the awareness of who I am.

Of course, people are not afraid of death, they are afraid of non-existing, they are afraid of not being able to think, to feel, to relate to their surroundings.

Feeling, thinking, relating to situations, people, and surroundings is existing. You don’t actually have to die to be dead. So, when you have one of your fits about your broken nails or rush hour, of not having milk in the fridge, or that annoying co-worker, just take a deep breath. Feeling and getting angry or annoyed means that you are still alive. You are not trapped in your body not knowing who you are or who you are talking to.

When you get worked up about something, remember that how we perceive the world and people in it is not actually what is. You need to remember that everyone has their own perception of reality. Every situation has two different stories and two different realities. The world doesn’t revolve just around you.

However, life is also way too short to beat around the bush. Say what you mean. Don’t insult and be rude but be honest and true, be open-minded, and be ready to learn that what you think might not be the only way.

When we live in a narrow world of me…me…me, we put hurdles in our own growth. I don’t mean that other people should tell you what to do but I am saying that other people might have an interesting perspective. You might not agree with it but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and it doesn’t mean that they do not allow you to see beyond your own narrow-minded beliefs.

Being stuck in a dark room with your own thoughts that you do not have any control over is the scariest thing in my books. Being trapped in your mind where you can’t tell what’s real and what is an illusion. Being trapped in a chaos of thoughts that don’t make any sense.  Being trapped in a vacuum of no memories – that fear alone makes me want to get over myself and my ways of looking at the world.

You do not have to like people. You do not have to agree with their choices. You do not have to do anything. Life is at your feet. You can choose any path you want. You can keep any person in your life and you can exclude any or all of them. You can make any choice you think is right. Just remember, whatever you are afraid of and whatever you are using as an excuse to not do something, it is nothing compared to being afraid of just being because you suddenly realize you have no clue who you are…

That moment when people talk to you like they know everything about you and your life but you don’t know who they are and you do not know who you are must be one of the scariest nightmares a person can live through…

So, find a way to get over yourself. Whatever it takes. Dance, listen to music, quit your job, learn a language, travel the world, get divorced, get married, rescue an animal, tell your boss to go somewhere, don’t show up for a party, tell someone you love them, buy a stranger a cup of coffee…







Hang In There…

hang in thereDo you believe your life is about surviving? Do you think we survive at work, we survive at home, we survive in the relationship, and etc.? Do you think every single moment of your life is just hanging in there?

It is not so much in North America as much in the post-soviet union countries but it seems like every single moment of your life is perceived as a survival.

The other day I noticed that majority of my correspondence with friends and family back home ends with them telling me: hang in there. I don’t think they realize what they are saying or what words they are using. It’s just the way they have talked day in day out through generations.

Obviously, life is not easy. Our society works as a well-oiled machine only when everyone does their job to contribute and some people get the shitty part of the stick. However, if you perceive that everything you do is just hanging in, then the questions is – when do you live? When does the time come when you enjoy your life, when do you enjoy being, and when do you enjoy the journey you are on?

I have talked about this many times. Shit happens, life is a rollercoaster, but the suffering is an option. Life is not what you get, life is what you make out of it. I would hate to think that majority of people just exist to survive and can’t find anything positive in existence itself.

When I think of a generation of people from the post-soviet union era and compare it to people in some African countries, the post-soviet union seems like a paradise but, for some odd reason, people in Africa seem to be able to enjoy their lives much more. Why would that be so?

I don’t need to hang in there. I have a good life. A very good life. There is nothing that stands in my way of being happy except me. I have all my basic needs taken care of and all that is left is my attitude.

I guess, some people just don’t know what happiness is. They don’t realize that they are indeed masters of their own lives. The only reason they are not happy is because they choose to see the negative and ignore the positive. They don’t know what it means to be happy. They choose to complain about things they don’t have and refuse to acknowledge the truth – Happiness is a choice. It is not a thing that you need to find or buy.

“Hang in there” – is the last thing I want to hear. There is nothing to hang in for. I choose where my life goes. I choose to be happy. I choose to believe that my life is a journey and it goes up and down and I get to decide what path to take. I am not a victim of circumstances. I make my choices, I make decisions in my life. Sometimes the path I take is not smooth but it is just that – an adventure with a few unpleasant turns.

When the time comes and the game is over – then I will have something to complain about. Till then, I choose to love whatever comes my way – be it good or complicated, pleasant or unpleasant, things that upset me, hurt me, annoy me, make me smile, make me happy, make me angry, or make me feel nothing.

I live…and choose what I make out of my life. I do not hang in there…maybe just for a bit to scare the shit out of myself.




Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening



Oh, boy. This is so familiar. How many times we have been in a meeting or at the family dinner where people yell louder and louder to be heard but, in reality, nobody is listening?

It’s amazing how from generation to generation the majority of kids are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe and that the world owes them something. That leads to all kinds of wonderful personalities. People who need to be heard no matter what. People who walk over everyone to get to the top. People who shut down and develop mental issues due to extreme stress of inability to fit in and participate in the rat race.

What about learning to appreciate the differences? What about remembering that nobody is perfect and everybody has their own struggles? What about remembering that in a big picture whatever needs to be yelled out is not important?

What about remembering that you are a human being who wants to love and be loved, and that participating in the rat race gets you closer and closer to losing yourself? Every time you think that you need to be, have to be, must be recognized or heard or taken in consideration regarding a business decision, politics, philosophy or other random social issue, you forget that happiness can’t co-exist with stress and an excessive need for a reward that boosts your self-confidence or self-esteem. Happiness means harmony and harmony is not all the above mentioned.

What in a world do we have to say that is so important that everyone has to hear it?

Verbal fights or disagreements are hardly ever won by brute force of yelling.

Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective

No kidding, right? Since when my or your perspective mattered in the Universe? Not enough that Planet Earth is on nobody’s radar in the huge Universe full of other galaxies, you or I might not even exist. And our opinions or perspective is just a laughing matter.
I know, sounds cruel.
I shrug my shoulders and acknowledge that I know that. I know that my perspective is just mine. It matters to me and maybe a few other people but even then, those people also care only about their own perspective.
It is because we care about what WE feel and we care about OUR lives and some people in it; we care because our physical and psychological well being depends on it. We spend so much time in our heads thinking and re-thinking and then thinking a bit more and the only thing that has always mattered was – me and my perspective.
Unfortunately, my perspective is extremely limited. It is based on what I know and what I believe in. And these are not set in stone. I learn every day and I adjust what I know and what I believe in depending on the new information.
How many times you have said or thought: Holly shit, I didn’t know that? How many times after finding out, your entire perception or understanding of something has drastically changed? I bet, many times.
I guess, what I am trying to say is that no matter what you think or what your perspective is, it is a small drop in a huge bucket of swirling water. It is just a perspective after all.
So… love passionately, stand up for what you think is right, never stop learning and adjusting your constantly changing perspective, and never forget to look deep inside your heart to check if the path you are taking is still your path.
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