That day will come when you realize there is no other way. You can’t go on like this anymore. You can’t think, you can’t breathe, you just can’t…
You can pretend only for so long that everything is fine, but that day will come when you will not be able to throw yourself at whatever you do – work, sports, events, church. There is only so much willpower that you can have but when you are done, you are done. No matter where you are or what you do those thoughts and feelings creep in. You can’t focus anymore, you can’t make yourself to think about something else.
And when you can’t breathe anymore, that is when you have to do right by you. You have to change, you have to divorce your old self. Living your life and not being happy is just a waste of time.
Whatever you thought is the right thing to do, didn’t bring you happiness. Don’t you think that it is time to find out who you really are? Don’t you think you deserve to know what makes you happy? Don’t you think it is time for you to figure out what makes your heart skip a beat and finally go down the path you have always wanted to?
However, it does mean that you have to start being yourself and stop being whatever you thought you needed to be. Changing is like getting divorced. You have to negotiate and you have to be fair. Sometimes it is a hell of a fight.
It is never easy to start fresh, but it is so rewarding. You get to discover yourself again. This time “real you”.
Who am I? Isn’t that the most asked question amongst human beings? Do you know who you are? No, I do not mean roles you play – teacher, engineer, mother, sister, brother, father, child of God, and etc. I mean – Who are you? I do not care what you choose to do or whom or what you choose to believe in. I want to know who you are…so… Who are you?
If you can’t give yourself an answer, divorce yourself and go find out…
I found a great article today: “7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose“. I hope it reaches many searching souls and starts a conversation.
“What do I want to do with my life?”
“What am I passionate about?”
“What’s my purpose?”
Those are not questions you need to ask as they will get you nowhere. Life is not a destination, life is a journey. It has been written in books, it has been printed on T-Shirts and it has been a selling point for all kinds of businesses that thrive in “Self-help” and ” I will hold your hand till you find your calling” world.
Humans are a changing entity. We are like a river that flows faster or slower, changes directions, dries out or overflows. We do not stay the same. And because of this infinite change, passion or purpose changes. Sometimes daily, sometimes yearly, sometimes hourly.
There is no higher purpose than enjoying whatever seems interesting or important right now. You live for this moment as next moment might not come. Even if you find what you are passionate about today, tomorrow that passion will morph into something else. It will take a different direction, it will change, it will grow, and it will expand.
If you recognize that everything or everybody who comes into your life is all for you, you will be much better off going with the flow and seeing where it takes you, than trying to find definite answers to questions.
Mark Manson mentions in his article:
Part of the problem is the concept of “life purpose” itself. The idea that we were each born for some higher purpose and it’s now our cosmic mission to find it. This is the same kind of shitty logic used to justify things like spirit crystals or that your lucky number is 34 (but only on Tuesdays or during full moons).
I would say that we are born with a higher purpose and this higher purpose is to live and enjoy every moment of your life. Even if that is talking to crystals. If that is what makes you happy today, do it. As long as you have the clarify and awareness of the flow of life and as long as you are not stuck in a world of false beliefs, you will be fine.
False beliefs like you have to fit in, you can’t embarrass your parents, you have to do the right thing, and you have to be a valuable part of the society (meaning that you have to do this or that or something else like everyone else does).
If you have been going down the path of asking questions mentioned above, stop it. Seriously, just stop. Replace those questions with:
What makes me happy today?
But if that is a huge leap for you, at least add a word today to those questions. What do I want to do with my life today? What am I passionate about today? What’s my purpose today?
We live our lives day in day out taking one step at a time closer to the end. Some choose not to think about it, some embrace the thought and some freak out. No matter what you do, you will die, and the sooner you accept the fact that this is all you’ve got, the better chances of not wasting your life you have.
Bronnie Ware wrote an article in 2012 about people and their regrets after they were sent home to die. It is worth re-posting and reminding people that the right time is now. Not tomorrow, not in a week, but right here, right now….
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
you will always lose if you let other people define your choices.
you will always lose if you let other people to tell you who you should be.
you will always lose if your happiness depends on someones approval.
you will always lose if you follow somebody else’s dreams.
you will always lose if you do not trust your own judgement and seek other people’s guidance.
you will always lose if you choose fitting in over your dreams.
you will always lose if you allow your fears dictate your choices.
you will always lose if you hesitate to pick yourself over others.
you will always lose if you do not listen to your heart.
you will always lose if you are afraid to speak up when it really matters to you.
you will always lose if you are afraid to stand up for what is right.
you will always lose if you choose somebody else’s happiness over yours.
you will always lose if you lie to yourself instead of facing the truth.
you will always lose if you believe that you will live forever and have time to be happy later.
you will always lose if you judge everyone and everything.
you will always lose if you try to control your life instead of going with the flow of life.
you will always lose if you believe everything that others state to be true.
you will always lose if you do not question your believes.
you will always lose if you stop asking questions – “What is real?” and “Is this true for everybody?”
you will always lose if you believer that you are not worthy.
you will always lose if you believe that this world is real.
Isn’t this a TABOO topic? Most of us go through life like we are immortal behaving like death happens everywhere else but here, not in our lives, not close to home.
The moment thoughts of losing somebody dear crosses our minds, we try to push them out and bury them. We do not want to think as thinking hurts so much that we are afraid that we will not be able to function if we let these thoughts linger around.
If we get hurt or die, it is different from losing somebody that matters to us – a partner, a pet, a friend, a family member…If we die, then nothing matters anymore. If somebody else dies and we stay, the unbearable pain and emptiness will always be with us. We have to learn to live and enjoy life without them.
We know that nobody escapes death. We all will die sooner or later. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be in 10 minutes or it could be in 50 years – nobody is safe and that is the only truth we know.
Does knowing change your view of life? Does knowing change choices you make? Sometimes…
We still have a natural tendency to hide from fear. Knowing and understanding has nothing against fear.
You might try to face FEAR, you might choose to ignore it and go on like nothing happened and nothing will happen, you might want to turn to religion that promises eternal life, you might turn to atheism that acknowledges non-existence, or you might choose to cherish every single moment of your life and live like there is no tomorrow without knowing or needing to know what happens after death.
When you face death, when it hits you where it hurts the most, you start realizing how fragile we are. We realize that it takes a second to go from being to not being. Sometimes you don’t even have time to say goodbye.
I can talk for hours and still not get anywhere, and not be able to come to any conclusion except already known statements:
– choose to be happy
– choose to follow your dreams
– Choose to live for yourself
– Surround yourself with people who bring joy and happiness to your life
– walk away from everything that is not making you a better person
– walk away from beliefs that are not yours
– choose to smile every day
– realize that there is nothing wrong with this world or people in it
– love what you do and do what you love
– do not let anybody tell you who you are and what you need to be or becomes
– inspire yourself and those around you just by being yourself and being proud of who you are
– forgive yourself and forgive those who have done you wrong in the past as you live today right here, right now
– appreciate those who choose to be around you and who want to have you in their lives
– don’t be afraid to reach out to those who matter and enjoy time with them as tomorrow might never come or tomorrow might be too late
– realize that fear is a taught feeling and it keeps you away from living a fulfilling life. It keeps you away from doing things that might make you happy. But fear will not keep you alive or will not postpone your death. Then why do you let FEAR rule your life?