Most of us have a messy past. Painful memories, bad choices, unresolved situations, heartbreak, and etc. And sometimes that past has hurt us so deeply that we have developed an emotional attachment to it and we just can’t let go.
Maybe we have a moment or two when we are able to see life the way it is and not the way it comes to our awareness through the filter of the past experience. These moments do not last long and we go back exactly where we started in the first place. We can’t focus on anything else and can’t leave the past behind. It always somehow creeps in our thoughts and reminds of itself hindering the ability to appreciate moments that are in front of us.
It is truly amazing how people keep punishing themselves and either hold onto the resentment or keep repeating same behavioral patterns expecting an alternative outcome.
Most likely, it is because people are longing for a different outcome, for some kind of resolution, maybe an apology, maybe a different choice, maybe another chance to make it right, and maybe they believe that somebody owes them something. And, instead of allowing themselves to learn from the experience, leave the past behind, leave anger or grudges behind, let go of the pain, or find closure, they choose to hold on to all of that and drag it with them through the reminder of their lives.
Holding onto your past is like keeping a photo of every single person that you have met so far and carrying them with you wherever you go. It’s not like you need to show these photos to your friends, coworkers, strangers and tell the story of how you got hurt and what happened.
You do not need these stories or photos to be able to live through a situation that is similar to something that you have already seen or experienced in the past. And you do not need a constant reminded of something that you can’t change. You need your memories and experiences to be a guiding light. Something that you use to learn and grow.
Cleaning up doesn’t always mean forgetting. It just means – letting go of stuff that is not relevant anymore. Letting go of feelings that hold you back and keep you trapped. Past belongs in the past. Today is the day you live.
So, where do you start? Start with forgiving yourself and accepting the fact that nobody is perfect. It is ok to love imperfection.
Day in day out there are thoughts in your head that speak their own truth. Sometimes they actually agree with your view of life but most often they just stir shit up and keep popping in and out of your awareness.
“..You got to have a dream. If you don’t, you need to get one as you are nothing without dreams…You must want something. You need to have a goal to reach as without goals you are wasting your life”
Have you noticed that you cannot not have a dream, a wish, a want? It is a must or you are just a pathetic and a very sad person in the eyes of people around you. And have you noticed that none of them can answer the question – WHY?
Do you know that whatever people do or try to achieve is because it makes them feel that they are not wasting their lives?
And do you know why they feel that way? Because that is what others around them believe in. The illusion of purpose of life, dreams, achievements, fame, family, career, and etc., drives them to go, do and chase unreachable.
Everybody is running somewhere trying to reach something, trying to find something. I do not mean physical activities. Even sitting and meditating is for some greater good – for universal consciousness, for world peace, for enlightenment, for the TRUTH, for the harmony.
However, if you do want to find answers, you should not be afraid to fail everybody and everything. You need the courage to turn your back on everything you know and let yourself figure things out.
Only those who stop believing that everything they know is true and everything around them is real, and have the courage to say, enough is enough, are able to make a few steps forward in direction where they are supposed go to find themselves.
Only when you lose everything, you gain everything.
There is nothing wrong with having a dream or enjoying something you do as long as that is a natural occurrence not coming from the influence of others. There is nothing wrong with the enjoyment of something as long as it is not the choice you made based on a limited selection provided to you as only options. What am I talking about?
Where do you get options to choose from? TV, parents, magazines, and leading questions: what do you want to become when you grow up? Suggestions from others: you are so good at this, you should become a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, and etc.
What I mean is – when you choose something you really love, you know it. You have made the choice not because you had to and not because it was expected of you but because that was something you always wanted to be. You you made a choice not based on how much it would pay or what status it would give you, or what others would think about it, or because everybody has to have a job and this is what you think you like, but you made that choice because it takes over your whole being. You enjoy every second of it.
I just want to say – do not be afraid to fail and this time I do not mean failing and giving up to reach a dream or be successful in whatever you do. We know “that FAILURE” quite well. I mean do not be afraid to fail to be whatever everyone else expects of you.
I took on a challenge to write about My Awakening and Moving on. Barbara is inspiring and I really like the way she shares her experiences and encourages other people to look deeper into themselves.
So, here is my entry for January 9th.
Awakening to who you truly are…is a lifelong process for some, a quick rock bottom for others, and will never happen for the rest of people.
Awakening is not a logical state one advances to. It is not something magical or something everybody should have or even want. Furthermore, it is not something that only a few chosen reach. Awakening is when you see things in their true light. Awakening is when you understand the difference between perception and reality.
Like the rest of the world throughout my life I had moments when I was utterly confused and lost. I did not know who I was, what I was doing here, and what my purpose was. So many times I felt like I was in a theater watching everybody else on the stage playing. They were so close but so far at the same time. Once in a while I felt like I had found my place but it lasted just for a few moments and I was back in the dark hole again.
I started looking around for answers. I wanted to know why nothing feels real, why people feel fake, why I feel fake, and why the truth is lingering in the air, but is so unreachable and always slips away.
I started my journey by reading books. Robert Scheinfeld’s “Busting loose from a money game” and Jed McKenna’s The enlightenment trilogy. Then I also explored Scheinfeld’s online program, “Path To True Joy”.
I chose to go down the rabbit hole. Two things turned my life upside down.
” how do you know that you are not dreaming right now?”
” you are going to die!”
As more I thought about them as deeper I reached within myself. Once you ponder long enough, life changes drastically. Let me ask you; if you found out that you will die tomorrow, what will truly matter today? What are things that will be important to you?
Exactly! I can see your marbles moving. Try to think about this for a while. Do not sweep your fear away, do not run, do not get back into your comfort zone and pretend like this doesn’t apply to you. YOU WILL DIE. The question is when – in 5 minutes, tomorrow, in 20 years?
We live in a world that is built on fear, false beliefs and rules that are not ours. We create layers and layers of lies, convictions, personalities, and roles. We get told and taught what is true, how we are supposed to live, what to desire, and how to think.
The truth is that THE Truth is out there. It’s all around us – in every moment of our lives, in sayings, in books, in poetry, and in quotes. One day you might have an AHA moment and you will never look back. You will not be able to. Once you see the truth, you can’t go back to the ignorance.
” Life is a dream, realize it.”
“Don’t believe what your eyes are showing you. All they show is limitation.”
“I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy. ”
“The process of enlightenment is not about becoming who you really are but about unbecoming who you never were.”
I know, you think you understand what these quotes are telling you, but let me tell you that most likely you don’t. If you did, you would not struggle, you would just be…
I’ve had glimpses of the truth. I have seen it, I have felt it, I have experienced it, and the more I allow myself to go with the flow, the happier I am. Once you see that people around you function and live based on fear (death, being different, disappointment, not fitting in, not living up to expectations, wrong choices), you start feeling the truth, you start embracing it, and living it.
What am I talking about? What kind of truth?
When you were born, you were an empty book. You had no understanding of what was right or wrong. You did not know what was good or bad. You did not have a set of words to describe things and you did not have experiences you associated with words and their meaning.
Now your book is almost full of references, words, and beliefs. You are a walking breathing Wikipedia of your people (parents, neighbors, teachers, friends, community). You live according to rules and beliefs that they taught you. This is a fact and it is the Truth. Your whole life is based on belief system of lies.
If I ask you to tell me what “bad” means, you will reach inside your memories and a collection of words and feelings to give a good description. Where did you get all that? Where did your beliefs, convictions, and morals come from? They are not yours. Remember, you were born without them.
Once you stop judging everything and once you stop comparing everything to a “good – bad” scale, you start living. If things just are, not good or bad, you experience them in a whole new way. You realize that you are not bound by them anymore. There are no such things as” I have to”, “this is the right thing”, “that’s what people do”, and etc.
Once you start realizing the falseness of who you have become, you start unlearning who you have never been.
There is only one thing you need to remember – everything in your life, including people, are the projection of your inner self and your beliefs. For something to be true, it has to be true for everyone.
Most of what we interact with is not the world itself. Those are our beliefs about it, our expectations of it, and our interpretation. We filter everything through our personal belief prism. We can’t just stand aside and allow things unfold as we have a very difficult time observing events without confusing them with the thoughts we have about them, and so the majority of what we experience is imaginary things.
It was a long way to this point and I still have a long way to go to be fully integrated and not divided with the Universe, Mother nature, and my own world.
However, I am still a spectator in the theater but this time I do not feel that there is something wrong because I know – it is my play. I choose to play whatever the game is. I am not a slave to my beliefs. I enjoy everything that comes my way as I trust in myself and the Universe that whatever needs to happen, whatever I authentically desire, it will be just given to me in a way that is the best – be it a heart ripping loss of somebody close or a lottery winning.
Happiness is not a goal or a destination, happiness is a journey. Beliefs are limiting. Fear is paralyzing. Wants are based on false beliefs. You need to unlearn everything you know and everything you have considered true, and find The Truth.
The next Post, January 10th is Korinn’s awakening experience… – http://www.korinn.com
January Challenge Schedule…
1st Barbara – http://memymagnificentself.wordpress.com
2nd Paddy – http://paddypicasso.wordpress.com
3rd Emanuel- http://emantable.com/musings-of-a-table/
6th Julianne – http://juliannevictoria.com
7th Sarah – http://rayoflight7777.wordpress.com
8th Shree – http://heartsongsblog.wordpress.com
9th Dace – https://mywaytotruth.wordpress.com
10th Korinn – http://www.korinn.com
11th Sindy – http://bluebutterfliesandme.wordpress.com
12th Stefanie – http://dancingwithstefanie.com
13th Mick – http://meticulousmick.wordpress.com
14th Joss – http://ccwow.wordpress.com
15th Megan – http://mychroniclifejourney.wordpress.com
16th Pat – http://patinspire.org
17th Marga – http://lifeasimprov.com
18th Kimberley – http://kimberlyharding.wordpress.com
19th Becki – http://isurvivedamurderattackmyfamilydidnt.com
20th Serena – http://beingmefromatoz.com
21st Heather – http://wildflowerwomen.wordpress.com
22nd PurpleRay – http://purplerays.wordpress.com
23rd Sue – http://suedreamwalker.wordpress.com
24th M… – http://seeingm.wordpress.com
25th Brian G – http://middlepane.com
26th Dotta – http://dottaraphels.wordpress.com
27th CW – http://sunflowerrosecw.wordpress.com
28th Laurie – http://lauriesnotes.wordpress.com
29th Debra – http://ptero9.com
30th Linda – http://lindalitebeing.wordpress.com
31th Michael – http://navigator1965.wordpress.com
Yes, today is the day. Not tomorrow or some other day, but “today”. Somebody told me that one day they will make their dreams come true. I wished them good luck with that and thought to myself – “nope, you will not make your dreams come true”.
Not because the dream is silly and not because it can’t be done, but because that someday will never come. If your dream is not important today, it will never be important, and you will just keep postponing. There is always something else that gets in a way – family, job, bills, time, fear, beliefs…
We hide so well behind rationalization and we have an explanation for everything. We expect miracles. We are waiting for that perfect moment that never comes.
This also reminded me of Christmas and New Year’s resolutions. We promise ourselves to change, we make lists of things that we will do different and things that we will achieve but in reality it is bullshit. Christmas is not better than today. There is no difference between today, be it Wednesday or Friday, and Christmas. It is just a day. One day in our lives. One day that passes by and gets us closer to the day we die. You know that at the end there is death, right? Nothing more and nothing less.
So why would you say that one day I will make my dreams come true and not do it today? Why would you waste your precious time not making yourself happy, not doing something that you will enjoy, not achieving goals that you know will make a difference, maybe not in somebody else’s life but definitely yours?
I am writing this because my mother made me really sad today. She made me realize that no matter how I try to explain to her that being happy is her choice, she will never be happy unless she changes her thinking and her attitude towards life. I have to give up on her no matter how much I love her. Yes, I do.
Do you know why?
Because I can’t live her life. I can’t make choices for her, I can’t tell her how to live and how to think. It is her journey and she has to find her own way. I can’t fight her battles. She has to…
My mother needs to find a way to come to a realization that her happiness is her own choice. She needs to realize that her dreams of being happy are dreams that will never come true unless she chooses to be happy right here right now. Not because somebody else makes her happy but because she makes a choice to be happy.
Whatever your dreams is – you need to go for it today. Not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, not the day the earth stops spinning. You choose what to do with your life. Happiness and emotional fulfillment depends on your choices and not random life events and people. Your dreams become real when you choose them over your fears and beliefs.
That’s why the time is now. There are no detours… It is today and not tomorrow!
So, I was just thinking if those sayings are applicable for the past full of negative experiences or also for positive? Let’s assume you did something and it made you feel happy. Have you even been able to recreate that happiness? I doubt it. No matter what choices you make, the end result is different. It might come close to whatever you have felt or experienced before but it is never the same.
Everybody knows that you can’t repeat your past, good or bad. You can make similar choices that end hurting you but knowing or understanding previous mistakes are not going to change anything.
Then why do you need to remember?
I can see opponents saying that you need to ask the right questions about your past and if you do, you are most prepared to live life to the fullest in the present. Is that true? And who knows those right questions? Is there actually anybody credible who has figured this “Life” thing out and knows how it works? Yes, there are all kinds of books teaching you meditation, teaching you self-awareness, teaching you the right way to live, love and succeed. But, the honest truth is, so-called gurus, still struggle, still are searching for answers, still as confused as one might get.
Past, future….it is all one – just an illusion that we have created for ourselves. It is just time that has passed by and left footprints that we do not clearly remember, understand or can confirm to be true. And why do we need to waste precious time of living to remember and ask questions about something that might not even be true and cannot be repeated?
Wouldn’t that be more productive and enjoyable to pay attention to what is going on today? It has happened to you and I know it has. A friend tells you about something that you did some time ago and how happy or unhappy you were but you can’t remember. So, do you think your life is worse or better because you do not remember?
I will make a statement that I believe is true and most likely somebody has already made it before me: Those who forget their past are happy. What you do not know or remember can’t hurt you…
I go with a flow and I know that whatever happened, happened because I wanted it to. I might have not liked it and maybe I was far away from being thrilled about it but it was the best that could have happened. I do not know if tomorrow will come and what it will bring but I know for sure – future is going to be perfect. It will be a hell of a ride and I will enjoy every second of it – good or bad, happy or sad, bliss or agony – because that is what life is about…
A question that makes you sit down and make a list. To make a list, you have to admit to yourself all the fears that you have and also identify all the dreams, wishes, and wants that you will never fulfill because you are afraid. You will also identify what kind of fear it is. It might trigger all kinds of excuses, explanations, rationalization why you can’t over come it.
Hopefully, if you choose to sit down and make that list, it will reveal some ridiculous unconscious fear and you will be able to get rid of it as it is not relevant anymore.
What would I try if I had no fear?
1. I would want to volunteer at an animal shelter.
I am afraid that I will be emotionally distraught all the time. I love animals and I get attached really easy. It would break my heart to see abused and abandoned animals all the time. I would want to adopt all of them.
If money wasn’t an issue, I would own a huge property and take in all the lost and abandoned souls. Till then, I want to protect my heart.
2. I would want to repel down a highrise building.
I am afraid of heights.
There is a saying: “…do not judge unless you walked a mile in that person’s shoes…” . We all know the saying, we all understand it but only a few live by it.
How many of us have thought to apply the same principle when it comes to our lives? Step back and take a look at the journey through somebody else’s eyes. It is a journey that you have taken to get here and it is a journey that you are on right now.
When you step back and forget all the rush, all the urgency, all pressing needs to take care of, all offenses, all the pain and hurt, all worries, you might see… You might see an amazing picture.
I am talking about reflecting back on everything you have experienced, every choice you made, every road you took, every chance you used, every chance that you allowed to slip by because you were afraid, every person you met, every person you lost, and the person you have become because of all previously mentioned.
Allow yourself to appreciate the journey that you have been on and open up to new adventures. Not that it will get better or worse but it will definitely bring new things – new awareness, new appreciation, new excitement…
You know that there are people out there that admire everything you have achieved and would love to have even a little piece of what you’ve got. Yes, all your mistakes, all your failures, all your heart breaks, all your happiness.
That is why I suggest that you step back and look at yourself through somebody else’s eyes….You might even like what you see…