The Unsettling Awareness of My Own Heartbeat
Once in a while I can hear my own heartbeat. I feel it more than I can actually hear. It never ceases to amaze me. Like a clock work, without skipping a beat, it continually pumps.
Most of the time it happens when I am perfectly still surrounded by dead silence. I catch myself being uncomfortable with the silence but can’t pinpoint the reason for the discomfort.
Heartbeat should be calming and soothing and, if anything, it should bring peace and harmony. However, the more I stay in the silence the louder my heartbeat gets. It seems like silence becomes breathless rather than breathtaking.
I don’t ask questions like, who am I or what the purpose of my life is; I already have those answers. So, if the existential turmoil is not the reason for my discomfort, then what is?
Does the silence represent the unsettling awareness of my own heartbeat or does it represent the unsettling awareness of the fact that everything has a heartbeat and it might stop or cease to exist without a warning?
“There is great strength in what seems weak, great instability in what seems strong.” ~ Tao te Ching