Why I Don’t Have Children
I used to think that being happy meant being able to trace down the treasure map and check off all check points before you hit the jackpot.
I used to think that I will never ever be able to be happy because there was no way in the world I could manage to achieve everything that I had to.
I used to think that I had to meet people from all kinds of walks of life and tell them about me and my dreams because there had to be someone out there who can help to make it happen.
I used to think that it was absolutely necessary to have achievable dreams in addition to dreams that are almost impossible to achieve on your own.
I used to think that I was not worthy of basically anything.
I used to think that I was too dumb, too ugly, too weirds, too out there.
I used to think that I was too introverted to have a satisfying career.
I used to think…..Emphasis is on USED TO…I don’t anymore.
And, no, I have not had a huge life changing event that showed me the light in my own heart.
And, no, I have not read a lot of self-growth books that inspired me to change.
I just got tired of thinking other people’s thoughts. I just got tired of living my mother’s fears. I just got tired of thinking and being afraid instead of living.
Why don’t I have children? Just because.
There is no particular reason why I do not have children. There is no particular reason I choose to stay introverted and weird. There is no particular reason I do not have dreams or aspirations or complicated career path plans.
Why do you have children? Why don’t you have cats or dogs instead of children? Why don’t you commute instead of driving your car? Why don’t eat spinach? Why don’t you live in a tent? Why don’t you become homeless? Why don’t you sponsor a Syrian asylum seeker?
Why don’t you…..fill in the blank….?
Maybe tomorrow things will change, but today life goes on with or without dreams and huge aspirations, with children or without children, with stuff and without stuff