Heartbreak # 4

12312010_10153189576482414_13728023_nI guess life has it’s own understanding on what you need and when you need it. Most of the time it is not what you have envisioned or wanted or thought you wanted.

How much pain can one heart take? – I asked. Depends on the heart, depends on the pain, depends on who or what caused it.

None of those answers made me feel better till I read something on the Internet. It was an older man who wrote about grieving his loved ones .

“…I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love.…”

If you are lucky, you will have many scars from many loves. You will drown, you will sink, you will be beaten down, you will be broken, but you will survive. Wounds will heal but emotional rollercoasters will come and go. As more you loved as more you lost as more you will appreciate every single day of love that is given to you.

Anniversaries will cause sadness and good memories; smells, places, sounds will remind you of everyone you lost but they will also remind you of happiness that you experienced and love that you shared.

So, I guess, when I think about this, I understand that I need to let myself be. Just shake it off, let the pain hurt, let the wounds heal, and appreciate the scars I have.

RIP in peace my little 6 month old foster. I can’t save all of you but I can definitely love all of you for as long as you have left – be it 5 days or be it the rest of your life.

 

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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

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