This post is dedicated to one of my friends who might or might not be ready to hear this. I will post it anyways. I feel that it is the right time and the right place.

You know how sometimes it seems that your life is like a rollercoaster? It goes up and down and never goes back to normal? Even if sometimes it seems that you have somehow figured out how to handle life and yourself in it, one morning you wake up and, it seems that somehow while you were sleeping, your life just plummeted into a downward spiral. It might happen frequently and it may take some time between the ups and downs, but you know exactly what I mean. It goes from a harmony to an emotional hell without a reason.

You live your life trying to understand the world, people in it, yourself, and your place in this world, but somehow it just doesn’t make sense. Sometimes, when you are amongst your friends, you laugh, you goof around, and you feel like you fit in, but sometimes you are amongst them and it feels like you are from a different planet. And it is not about your friends accepting you for who you are or loving you unconditionally. You know they love you and accept you. It is about you and the feeling that you have. That feeling that you just do not belong. That there is something else. Something bigger. You just can’t put a finger on it.

There is this void, this unbearable feeling that you can’t explain. It just seems that you do not belong…you are just different. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to find anything in common with other people. You see the world and you see yourself, and it just doesn’t add up.

If you read this and it resonates with you, you might be standing on a border of crossing over.  Crossing over where or what?

I will have to use a hamster analogy to explain. We, human beings, are like hamsters in a cage with a wheel. We live our lives thinking that the cage and getting in that wheel to spin (for as long as we can) is the purpose of our lives.

As humans we think that our purpose is to get education, get a good job, get married, maybe start a family, have a career, and contribute to the society. We live and breathe that conviction (spinning the wheel).

It is like a hamster who gets in a wheel and runs in it. When you look around, what you see is – a whole bunch of hamsters who teach other hamsters on how to get in that wheel and spin for a long time because that is what you are supposed to do.

Family, friends, media, books, and TV share pointers and thoughts on how to be happy on how to get the best job ever, how to start a family, how to meet your soulmate, and how to find THE MEANING of your life..and etc. Meaning – how to jump into a wheel, how to pace yourself, how to breathe, how to use legs, and how to master that wheel we are spinning in. There are hamsters  (leaders, churches, gurus) that seem have figured out the wheel and how to do it right. They are heroes because life is about spinning the wheel and they can do it longer then everybody else.

Yes, you might trip and you might get thrown out of that wheel, but you get up, get in line again with other hamsters and listen, learn, master your thoughts, and when you get to that wheel for the second or third or hundreds time, you have a whole bunch of new techniques to apply. Family, community, different state/province, and different religion is just a different way of thinking on how to spin the wheel.  It seems that this time you got it but then suddenly you still get thrown out of the wheel. You get the feeling of euphoria and then you receive a cold shower and you have no clue why. You are following the best, you are applying their techniques, their approach, and should be succeeding, but it never works out.

When you look around, you might notice that there are other hamsters that behave differently – the odd balls. They either keep to themselves away from others and they do their own thing or they participate in conversations and socializing but never get in the wheel. You can even spot a smirk that they have when they talk to other hamsters and it seems that they know something others don’t. You want to know what they know as they, apparently, see something that can help you.

These hamsters might see other cages with hamsters in them (other countries where things are done differently, where beliefs are different). They might even leave their own cage and wander off to other cages to try out those wheels for a bit but you can see in their eyes that they did it for fun not because they had to. They are not spinning the wheel because they feel that it is what you have to do or that it is an answer to the most important question – “what is the purpose of my life?” These hamsters are aware of multiple cages with multiple wheels in them. They are aware of hamsters and their ways and if they choose to join, it is not because they believe but because they choose to play that game.

The reality is – a cage is still a cage and a wheel is still a wheel regardless what beliefs you have, regardless what techniques you have on how to spin that wheel and succeed in spinning.

If you are ready, you might even notice that there are hamsters that have left their cages and never went to a different one. They are living their lives between cages fully aware of cages and other hamsters. They just have nothing in common with them. What does that mean? You can live your life realizing that your family, your community, your or other countries are just an illusion, just a belief that gets passed on from generation to generation based on beliefs and faith. Beliefs that people have figured out to be the purpose of life. They all spin wheels – some faster, some slower, following some kind of rules and beliefs.

If you do understand the hamster analogy, you might be ready to cross over. You might be ready to choose the right path and let go of the belief that you have to follow everyone else to find answers. We live and we die, and there is nothing that you have to do. The rules of the game called “life” revolve around only one truth – you are going to die and you better enjoy every moment of your life. Find what makes you happy and forget what other people think happiness means.

You are not a hamster and you do not belong in a wheel. Everything that has a beginning has an end but it is up to you how you live the life in between.  You only have one chance. There are no replays. You can spin the wheel as long as you understand it is nothing that you have to do. It is something that you choose to and you are having fun doing it instead of believing that you are destined to do it and you better be the best at doing it.

There is no difference between being a homeless person and a millionair as long as you are enjoying living the experience.


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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

2 responses to “Crossover”

  1. Karin says :

    Very true. Life is about waking up. I like your hamster wheel analogy.
    It reminds me of the saying
    Even if you win the rat race , you are still a rat.
    The point is not about winning the race. It is about waking up to the fact that we are not the hamster to begin with. And that we have a choice about where we play, in a wheel or not.
    I think the fact that you are gay has probably conributed a lot to your arriving at such a mature worldview at a fairly young age.

    • Dace says :

      Exactly, winning a rat race doesn’t change the fact that you are still a rat.

      I am not sure if being gay has anything to do with waking up. When your time comes, your time comes. You might be 10 years old or 100. Some want to wake up and some choose the ignorance.

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