A Love Letter To Myself

Picture & Write by Ermilia

You wake up, you look around and you realize – holly shit, this is awesome. You are who you are and it is up to you to find a path to walk on.  Life is like a game. You never know where your choices will lead you.

It is also like being in the fog –  you do not see anything past right here right now. You do your best, you make wild guesses, you dream big, and you fearlessly take risks knowing that they will pay off.

Yes, you might fail but risks always pay off in ways that you might not be aware of.  Everything you do has an impact either on you or people around you – it brings happiness, it brings strength, it brings wake up calls, it brings pain, and it makes you a better person.

I came out years ago and it was the best decision I made for myself. If I didn’t, I would still be struggling in every aspect of my life. Being comfortable in your own skin is the first step to happiness and acceptance. It is the first step to learning how to love yourself and let others love you.

All my life I have been afraid that I will never be able to have a normal relationship with another person. I was afraid to get involved as I didn’t know if I knew how to love another person. I didn’t know how it feels when somebody loves you or how it is supposed to feel. Or even better, I questioned myself all the time – how do you even have a relationship? What do you do?

And the answer to that is – you just do. You take one day at a time and learn about yourself, about your feelings, about the other person, and just enjoy the process.  There is no such a thing as Relationship or a formula “how to”.

It is as easy and as complicated as it sounds – you get up and you figure it out as you take a step. Every single moment of your life you make a choice to be with that person or not. Be honest with yourself and your partner.  It is not about the commitment, it is not about the right thing to do. It is about you, your life, your journey. You are responsible for your choices, your footprints in other people’s lives, and what you choose to do with what you’ve got…

So, this is a love letter to myself. I love your courage to close your eyes and jump even though you are scared shitless.