Bitter Aftertaste

It is hard to get rid of old beliefs and emotional habits especially if they show up once in a blue moon and do not stay long enough to cause serious grief.

These beliefs might create a bit of emotional discomfort but they usually disappear faster than they show up. The reason one doesn’t acknowledge them is: first, we choose not to; second, there is no need; third: we are not even aware of their existence.

When you look at a larger picture, these little occurrences are insignificant and you just do not give a penny about it. However, if you take a plunge and look at all those little episodes at once, then “I will be damned” situation reveals itself.

And, yes, I did take a plunge the other day and I was not impressed with myself.

There is always something in our past that we want to forget. You might have removed yourself from that unhealthy environment – relationship, family, society, group, friendship and etc., you might have spent sleepless nights crying, thinking, and letting go.

You internally burn that person you do not want to be and you rebuild yourself from ashes. You cut off ties with people, friends, family, group, you leave that house, town, city, state/province or even country and you find new friends, choose your new family, and develop new interests. You become somebody you always wanted to by changing from within and introducing outside forces that facilitate growth and blossom of a new you.

And when you think you have it all figured out and under control, something or someone triggers an emotional reaction you thought seized to exist long time ago. You might have rebuilt yourself from ashes but that’s the beauty of ashes, they contain bits and pieces of inerasable memories.

These flashbacks happen rarely but they do happen and they leave a bitter after taste…


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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

9 responses to “Bitter Aftertaste”

  1. Kitt Crescendo says :

    Yeah, changing yourself is never an easy or comfortable process. But it’s worthwhile. And if once in a while you have that reaction you thought you’d managed to distance yourself from…at least you recognize it now. There IS growth in that, too.

    • Dace says :

      you are right! There is growth in that if you catch yourself and do not choose to ignore the fact that it exists, it does cause turmoil and it is not going anywhere till you address it.

  2. journeybesideme says :

    A friend if my gave me a great visual on this that has stuck with me. We all have our emotional beach balls that we try to hold under the water. Usually when you least expect it they finally start popping up and you can no longer hold them down. That is your indication to start dealing with them. Or you may choose not to and continue to drive yourself crazy. I’m personally choosing to deal with my beach balls that are popping up left and right. Good luck to you and all for dealing with those crazy emotional beach balls!

    • Dace says :

      Beach balls. That is a good analogy. Sometimes I wish I could just release all of them and get done. A few days in a ditch drowning but at least you know what you are dealing with. Popping one at a time is just way too annoying. But, on the other hand, what fun would that be?

  3. carolynpageabc says :

    Gosh; that’s happened to me so many times I wouldn’t like to think..!
    I really don’t like the onion cliché however, it’s been true enough for me. Just when I’ve thought I’m through and done; there it is in an experience of ‘now’ to show me the remnants remaining. Bright point is – we ‘are’ progressing; otherwise those ‘now’ moments wouldn’t see reality… 😉

  4. Dace says :

    do tell! Geezez, you would think that once those bubbles get popped and are seen for what they really are, there wouldn’t be a need for them in the awareness.
    I guess, I will just sit here and watch where this is going as that is the best I can do – go with the flow

  5. Valentina says :

    Ah Dace, how very true, how very very true.
    And, tell me, is it not true that you also feel bloody hell, why am I the only one not learning from my mistakes? Instead see, sharing this you realize no, actually, I’m not. We try our best and yet. And we really really really did want to bury that person we were, and yet it springs back up sometimes, sometimes raises its head and says “I will not be put down”.
    But thanks for saying it so nicely, and as usual with things like these, it’s always good to read your thoughts written out just so.
    The way I deal with it when it happens, to be honest, is let go as soon as I can. I say to myself well I’ve come a long way and I’ve learnt so much and what the hell I will give myself a break. Because if I dwell on it just too long, if I plunge too deep into it, I find it very, very difficult to get out of that black hole. Shrug it off and move on 🙂

    • Dace says :

      I do like to face these as that gives me an opportunity to be aware of what is happening. However, you are right, as faster you let go as better it is, especially if you can’t control how deep you get sucked in

  6. Valentina says :

    Reblogged this on Windruffles and commented:
    I have my blog digests this morning, and I was kind of musing about how we were, how we fought to get ourselves to be better, much better people. How some people seem to succeed more than others in that tabula rasa process, which then, hopefully, brings us to a new, sin-free (not forgiven, not forgotten, but really really trying) person. A better person.
    Some people seem more methodical about leaving old selves behind. More determined. I, like Dace that I am reposting, sometimes have moments where if I look too deep into what i’m doing, I feel I will never ever get out of that black hole that was me. But it isn’t true. It is just a momentary lapse, I am fitter (though certainly fatter), happier, more productive. The danger is when you look back to an old self and you feel it wasn’t so bad. When that old self rears its head up proudly and says “You will not erase me completely. I will remain alive!”. That’s the dangerous part and hopefully I’ll keep patting it condescendingly and saying yes yes now get back into that stable, atta girl.
    Ah well anyway, Dace completed my morning thoughts and then helped me conclude them, so I thought I’d repost her.

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