Lately I have been thinking about what it means to “trust yourself”. Is this about trusting your gut instinct or trusting your mind?
A few lines in a poem “The Hero with One Face” by David Wagoner say a lot:
I chose what I was told to choose:
They told me gently who I was…
I wait, and wonder what to learn….”
Many of us have spent our entire lives listening and learning from our parents, our siblings, our friends, our professors, and world’s most influential people. We have been choosing what we are told to choose, thinking how we are told to think, and, in some ways, being told who we are. We have been seeking approval. We have been thriving for recognition. We have been molding ourselves to the feedback and reflection of others.
When you learn from the wisdom of others, there is a cost to pay– you risk losing yourself. When you mirror what others do, when you take their word as the truth, when you learn from their experience, you shape yourself after their preferences, their beliefs, their desires and their expectations.
And when you mirror yourself after others, you end up losing who you are. You don’t actually know who you are and at the end – you do not trust yourself.
How can you trust your thoughts if they are not based on what you think and feel but on what you should think and feel?
That is the reason so many people keep living a lie. That is the reason why people seek answers from others:
– How do I come out to my parents?
– How do I do it right?
– How do I tell her that I love her?
– How will I know?
– What if..?
– How do I know?
– What do you think about what I think?
– Do you think my decision is a good decision?
– What are my options?
Once you stop asking others for confirmation and look into what you actually feel and what is important, you find that you already know the answer.
Stop, think, reflect, and trust yourself and not your mind….and stop asking others.