Trust Yourself…

Lately I have been thinking about what it means to “trust yourself”.  Is this about trusting your gut instinct or trusting your mind?

A few lines in a poem “The Hero with One Face” by David Wagoner say a lot:

I chose what I was told to choose:
They told me gently who I was…
I wait, and wonder what to learn….”

Many of us have spent our entire lives listening and learning from our parents, our siblings, our friends, our professors, and world’s most influential people. We have been choosing what we are told to choose, thinking how we are told to think, and, in some ways, being told who we are.  We have been seeking approval. We have been thriving for recognition. We have been molding ourselves to the feedback and reflection of others.

When you learn from the wisdom of others, there is a cost to pay– you risk losing yourself. When you mirror what others do, when you take their word as the truth, when you learn from their experience, you shape yourself after their preferences, their beliefs, their desires and their expectations.

And when you mirror yourself after others, you end up losing who you are.  You don’t actually know who you are and at the end – you do not trust yourself.

How can you trust your thoughts if they are not based on what you think and feel but on what you should think and feel?

That is the reason so many people keep living a lie. That is the reason why people seek answers from others:

– How do I come out to my parents?
– How do I do it right?
– How do I tell her that I love her?
– How will I know?
– What if..?
– How do I know?
– What do you think about what I think?
– Do you think my decision is a good decision?
– What are my options?

Once you stop asking others for confirmation and look into what you actually feel and what is important, you find that you already know the answer.

Stop, think, reflect, and trust yourself and not your mind….and stop asking others.

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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

7 responses to “Trust Yourself…”

  1. Amba says :

    This post is really relevant to me at this point in my life. I think that we grow up learning from what we see around us, our parents, friends, siblings, teachers, etc behaviours, choices, ‘wisdom’. A lot of us spend a lot of our developmental years not really looking inwards, but looking outwards at those who we interact with, and as you say, mirroring them, being ‘guided’ by those we are taught know better.
    As we grow and gain more life experience, it dawns on us, that maybe other’s ‘advice’ and ‘wisdom’ is not our own truth. We begin to learn to shape our own reality, our own wisdom and begin to listen to our inner self rather than our external experiences.
    As one that lost who I really was, by not trusting myself, I think the first step before you can trust yourself, is accept and love yourself for who you are. Accept that your own ‘right and wrong’ doesn’t always have to align with others.
    Once you accept and love yourself, trusting yourself will come easily, and as you begin to listen to your inner voice, those in your life will be people who also love and trust themselves, and also have the ability to accept you for who you are, as you are. Accept that your values and beliefs are your own, and can be vastly different to anothers and that’s ok, as long as those around you do not try to define you, or consider their values and beliefs as better or worse than yours. That we, we can gain wisdom and learn from others, the things we want for ourselves based on this love and trust we have to be who we are.
    It’s being ok with your choices, and not always viewing them as right or wrong, or should or shouldn’t, it’s about making a choice, a decision and learning from and accepting the outcome, regardless of if it is favourable to you or not. That is when you can truly trust yourself and be who you are and back yourself as being you, not as being what you think you should be based on those around us.
    Only you live your life, so you have to live it for you, not for the approval of others, and surround yourself with people that love you and accept you for being true to yourself.

  2. Dace says :

    I think I should just copy what you just said and make a post out of it. Even better, I think you said it in a way better way than I did and I should just use your words for this post…

    • Amba says :

      Aw thanks! But your words really hit home with me, and the important thing is they are yours! 😉 And so you have your words on this post, and mine!!! 🙂

  3. carolynpageabc says :

    Loved this, Dace. Nothing to add; it is simply ‘truth’…

  4. Clare Flourish says :

    It is one way in which being queer is a blessing, for ourselves and for others: we cannot just be as others expect. We challenge everyone to be themselves.

    • Dace says :

      I think being different opens you up to different views of this world, life, existence, and self-development. If you have lived your life without being challenged, without seeing the other side of this perfect “normal” / “standard” / “grey like everyone else mass” creation, then you might not be able to see what life is all about.

      Being comfortable and fitting like a glove disables one’s ability to think outside the box

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