Judging people & judging yourself
Nope, I am not above it and neither are you. We all judge others at some point in our lives. Sometimes it is a quick scan of how people look, walk, behave, smile or what they wear, but we all judge as we do compare whatever we see with what our beliefs or standards are.
It has been an ongoing struggle for me to learn just to be without shame, guilt or fear – fear of not being perfect. I was raised behind the Iron Curtain and I was taught to judge myself for everything I was, everything I said or did, everything that I could be. You had to be perfect or at least be like everybody else. So, what came from that was – judgement of other people. When we judge others, maybe not with a bad intent, we judge ourselves. The things we do not like in others are the things that we do not like about ourselves.
We evaluate our surroundings, including people, and compare with what we think is okay. However, in reality, we are just trying to learn how to fit in and feel content with who we are. You might think that it is something that just teenagers go through, but it is not entirely true. Some of us take longer than a few years to learn how to love ourselves and accept our flaws.
We question whatever we say or do and we try to be the best we can but sometimes the scale that we use to measure our performance is not exactly accurate and is way too bias. As a society we have invented labels, rules, religions that keep messing people up and all we see is a struggle.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get over some beliefs that we have and sometimes we never do get over them. However, life is too short to try to please everyone especially people who struggle more than you do, and those are the ones who are trying to tell you how to live your life. It is never about you, it is always about them.
As I say – we are perfect being imperfect and that is the beauty of our lives. Just be the best you can, do the right thing every time and put a genuine effort to make things right every time you mess up and you should be just fine.
To be honest, I am still in search of an answer to the most important question – how to learn to love myself without expectations and judgement? If you know the answer, I would love to hear from you.