Being yourself or how do you know you are gay

How do you know – is one of the most asked questions we encounter throughout our lives. How do you know that this is what you want? How do you know you are gay? How do you know this is not a phase?

How do you know…Well, the answer is not as easy as it might seem.  We live our lives and we play many roles in it – a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a husband, a wife, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, BFF, a co-worker, a boss, an employee, a sister, a brother, and etc.. It is possible that you are not the same person in all of them. It doesn’t mean that you are not authentic, it just means that they might require different aspects of you.

As a lesbian I have to come out almost every day to people around me – co-workers, new friends, strangers, distant relatives, and neighbors.  Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is hard, and sometimes it is not something that I want to do because my sexuality is not what defines me. However, I do have to admit that I have not always been so sure of who I was. I, as some other people, have been searching for myself; have been lying to myself and people around for some time. So,  how did I know?

To be honest, I have always kind of known the truth. However, just because we are raised certain way, we grow up in a certain environment, we are taught certain things, we tend to develop beliefs that are not our own.  I grew up thinking and believing that if I put enough effort and try hard, I will lose the attraction towards women.

I have known since I was quiet young but it doesn’t mean that it is always the case.  Some of you will come to a realization later in life and it is up to you to choose what you do with it.  The only thing I can suggest is – just be honest with yourself and that it is better to be honest with people around you, especially if you have kids.

Think about what you teach your kids.  If you live a lie, your kids know it. They are not as oblivious as you think.   If you are in a relationship or you are married, you teach your kids that it is okay not to listen to your heart and that it is okay not to be happy. Your kids know it, they feel it. You can’t fake happiness or love.  It is better to teach your kids that honesty is the best way to go. Kids would rather have two parents that are separated and love them, then two parents who are in a relationship and stay together without love and passion for each other.

So, how do you know?

Well, listen to your heart. There are a few questions you need to answer honestly. Note, please be aware that sometimes we are living in the dark and in denial.

Have you ever felt attracted to the same sex person?
Have you ever had a crush on a same sex teacher or a best friend ?
Have you ever wanted to kiss the same sex person?
have you ever convinced yourself that the person you like is just amazing, a good person, somebody to look up to, somebody more feminine (masculine) and you just wanted to be friends or be like them?

There are always signs or clues in your past. Sometimes it is innocent and sometimes you just have no clue. What really matters is once you start having these weird feelings for the same sex person, do not bottle them. Either find somebody to talk to or think about it and be honest with yourself.


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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

2 responses to “Being yourself or how do you know you are gay”

  1. A Strange Boy says :

    I’ve definitely had these moments that I didn’t recognize as clues at the time, but now looking back with the clarity of hindsight it becomes obvious.

  2. Dace says :

    as you know, my friend, not everybody is ready to find themselves right away. Some of us know since young age, some of us realize our attraction to same sex later in life and some still have no clue. And it is okay as we all are different with different experiences and we have to come to this realization whenever we are ready…

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