“Coming out” from a different perspective
What is coming out? It is a process of coming to terms with being LGBT and disclosing this to others. We are social creatures and it is a huge part of our lives to have others accept us for who we are. It either comes out as blending in and being like others or quite the opposite – trying to stick out and be accepted for that. We all want to be accepted and loved for who we are.
We all have stories – some of them are positive and happy but some of them are painful and have left a mark.
I looked back at my life and my way to acceptance and tried to remember when and why I decided to come out. As most of other gay people I felt like I didn’t fit in and was different. Being different is my middle name but that’s not the point….he…he…Where was I? Oh, yeah, feeling different and feeling like I just fell out of a tree. I guess the process of realization is almost never pleasant and doesn’t come with balloons, basket of goodies or orchestra.
When you come to terms with being gay, lies, pretending and avoidance (avoiding questions) get to you. You get tired of living a fake life. You feel trapped in this rut of lies. Wanting to come out is not something that just suddenly happens. It builds from day to day, it eats at you. And I am not talking about the need to be accepted, I am talking about just being you, just living your life. Once you come out, you feel so free, you feel like you are a different person. You even breath differently, so it feels. You don’t know if the next day will bring happiness or acceptance but you definitely know that you are not wasting your life being somebody that you are not. When I came out to people that I cared about, i just wanted to make sure that if anything happens to me, they would know who I was. I could not bear the feeling that I lived a lie.
I would rather lose everybody around me than I’d ever lose myself. I had made a choice to pick myself over what other people thought. To be honest, I was ready to be hated for who I was and not loved for who I wasn’t.