Assumptions

There is one thing that I can’t understand – why are we still having these stereotypical conversations or assumptions in 2010? What I mean is – why are we still using heterosexual assumptions about relationships when we meet somebody? Why would we have to make a choice to come out or not every time we meet somebody who makes an assumption that you are straight? So many times people ask me if I am married and when the answer is yes, they ask me what my husband does.
With all the information that is available, with all the diversity we should be able to understand that it is kind of rude to assume things. 10 to 20% of people are gay, bisexual or transgender and not all of them can be categorized by stickers on their foreheads.
No matter what your believes are, no matter what you think is normal, you should not be making assumptions every time you see a ring on somebody’s finger. And I think it can be applied to anybody. Why are people assuming that the happiness in this life looks and smells like a “relationship”? People do not have to be in a relationship to have a fulfilled life. And if they are in one, it doesn’t mean they are in a relationship with an opposite sex.

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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

7 responses to “Assumptions”

  1. Neatkarīgais says :

    What surprises me more, though, are the numerous assumptions about genders and gender roles in society. Even worse, despite all the progress made in gender equality, most still have these subtle beliefs that women are a bit less valuable than men. Sometimes feels that we’re not that far from middle ages 😉

    When it comes to heterosexual assumptions about relationships, to me it’s no surprise that people do that. Even though, one in ten couples should be a same sex couple, how many of those do you see walking down the streets holding hands? More like one in hundred if not thousand. Thus, the general feeling is that having a ring on your finger means that you’re in a heterosexual relationship. And voila – you get all those silly questions about your husband 🙂

  2. Anne says :

    Hmm… What surprises Me more is that homosexual people presuppose that being open-minded means accepting someones views, but they hardly ever accept that being open-minded also means accepting the views of those who do not understand or accept homosexual relationship. Does open-mindedness only work one way? It seems so. Because the concept of open-mindedness obviously works as a paradox – if you ARE open-minded, you think less of the people who aren’t, thus – you are prejudice to the people who have a prejudice against you. (For example, what I have learned from your blog entry is that you think that people should not make the assumption that you are married to a man, but you do not consider the fact that you yourself make the assumption/prejudice that they SHOULD think that a marriage is automatically an agreement between either sex partners, and you do not acknowledge that you are not open-minded to their assumption that it is an opposite-sex agreement).

    I am not homophobic, and I think everyone deserves to love, especially if they have someone to/know who they want to love – it’s unavoidable!
    But I am sometimes surprised how both radical homosexual and radical heterosexual arguments are made, not taking into account the views of the other “camp”, and not taking into account the historical background and cultural setting of a society. The heterosexuals are usually accepting the cultural background as the ultimate truth, but the homosexuals are not better, as they are, in turn, demeaning the cultural background of a society as totally useless. I could talk a lot more of this subject, but what I really mean is – it is sensible to want people to accept that your partner is another woman, after you explain it to them, but I think it is a bit too much to ask that they would immediately ask you if you are married to a man or a woman, when they hear that you are married. (After all – it is a surer guess that you would be married to a man, because 80+ % of the population is heterosexual, so maybe they were just being polite, not being prejudice?)

    Similarly, I think that children should no be taught that it is normal to be homosexual, or even that it is normal to be heterosexual, (and I actually think they should seriously be taught these topics only when they reach the age of 12 or above), but they should be taught that it is most common to be heterosexual, and that being homosexual is a rare possibility, but if it happens it is nothing sinful or horrible.

    • Dace says :

      Well said, I do agree with you on this one

    • Neatkarigais says :

      “Similarly, I think that children should no be taught that it is normal to be homosexual, or even that it is normal to be heterosexual, (and I actually think they should seriously be taught these topics only when they reach the age of 12 or above)”

      The way it sounds, and I apologize if I have misunderstood this, is that you somehow believe that words ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’ are all about sex and thus we should protect children from them until they reach puberty.
      Firstly, children will encounter word ‘sex’ before the age of 12. And avoiding the topic will do no good, parents should have an age appropriate explanation at hand at all times.

      However, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Just like heterosexuality, homosexuality is not all about sex. And, if you think of it, children are being “taught” about heterosexuality from the moment they are born. It’s everywhere around them. The families portrayed in books and movies are “traditional”. And if they never hear that some families have two mommies or daddies and that that is also okay, they will grow up and develop a feeling that homosexuality is all about sex and that homosexuality is a forbidden topic and, thus, is somewhat wrong. Is that the kind of message you would like your kids to learn?

      • Dace says :

        I might be wrong but I think Anne was basing her statement on the fact that for some time sexuality is a part of the Health Studies class that is taught around that age.
        In a perfect world, there should be books, advertisements, posters, movies and cartoons that have a diverse representation of families so that kids learn as they grow. However, I do not see it happening in Latvia any time soon.

  3. Anne says :

    P.S. I’m Latvian – thats how I got to read your blog….

  4. Anne says :

    and P.S. I am a heterosexual and I am married, but I don’t have a ring on my finger, so nobody can actually know I’m married OR in a relationship – and it is not important at all 😀 And it is sometimes funny how homosexuals are so concerned with the relationship/sexual questions, (although I can understand that it is a painful subject for now, similarly to the subject of sex in general in 60’s), not taking into account that the life of heterosexuals is not all sugar and spice either. (For example, I read a lesbian blog lately, where they were complaining of the Latvian gynecologists, apparently not knowing that visiting a gynecologist in Latvia is as much a trauma for a heterosexual girl as for a homosexual girl, because none of them wants to talk about their “if-existing” sexual life with a complete stranger.)

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