Being Gay – is it a choice OR…

Isn’t this the most discussed topic?  Let’s look at it.  If you have a choice, that means that it is true for everybody.  Every single person is presented with two or more options, right?  What am I getting at?  Well, if being gay is a choice, that means that at certain point one had to choose to be or not to be.  And that means, we were born neutral and attracted  to both genders.

If you are the one who tells me – being gay is a choice, you are telling me that you have made a choice to be straight earlier in your life . You are telling me that actually you are attracted to the same gender, you just choose to be with the opposite sex.  Doesn’t that mean that you are either bisexual or you have a nerve to tell me that your choice for some reason is better than mine?  Isn’t that hypocrisy?  If you are saying that you have never been attracted to the same gender, that means – being gay or straight is not a choice or a lifestyle.

Definition of the word “lifestyle” is – a pattern of individual practices and personal behavioral choices.  Being gay can’t be defined as lifestyle because “lifestyle” is a choice but being gay is not.

So, when did you decide to be straight?  How old were you when you made a choice to be heterosexual?


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About Dace

I am perfectly imperfect!

7 responses to “Being Gay – is it a choice OR…”

  1. Tencia&Vanessa says :

    Hello there.

    I’m gay, and personally I’ve felt the same way about this debate for a while. However, recently I read an article about this ( cant remember the titled…) and I’m kind of leaning towards it being a choice.

    What I mean is that we were born this way, liking the opposite or same sex, but then we decided on whether or not to act on those innate desires. So technically it was a choice. But I’m still debating on that specific stand of it being a choice. I’ll try to get the titled of this article for you if you want. It’s a good read. 🙂

    Nice reading your blog.


    • Dace says :

      I would love to read that article as I love to expand my knowledge. Knowledge never hurts, as you already know.
      However, if you read my post carefully, I am arguing only the point that being gay or being born gay is not a choice. Of course, as a person, for one or another reason, you can choose to live a straight life but it doesn’t change the fact that you are either gay or bi-sexual. As you can understand, at that point it just becomes a choice between living according your heart or living according to what other people see fit for you. There are so many women who have kids and live with men, but at the same time identify themselves as lesbians.

      We can’t forget another aspect of this – bisexual people who can fall in love with either gender but they are not considered to be gay. Most of homosexual people will tell you the same thing as I will. I can’t love a man the same way as I am able to love a woman. My heart has never loved a man, I was never able to give my heart to a man. There is just no connection, that special connection between two people. I will never be able to give everything of me to a man because I am gay. Can I live with a man and have a family? Of course I can, but I will never be able to love a man with all my heart or be happy with him because it doesn’t feel right or natural.

      You cannot tell your heart whom to fall in love with…

  2. the.writer.says says :

    I agree with you, Dace.
    I’ve had a ton of debates with friends, family and even strangers about this. I always bring up the point you made earlier in your post. The thing that I have heard recently from a very close friend of mine is that: being gay is a learned behavior and a choice.

    I am now in my late 20’s. What the younger generation is going through now, is def. something I’ve experience already and learned to just let people’s comments/experience “go”. The older you get, the more mature you become and the better you will feel about yourself and all the negativity won’t bother you as much.

    Honestly, a debate is just a debate and it will always be there. We just have to learn how to tune out the people that bug us 🙂

    Happy to have found your blog.

    • Dace says :

      you know, I would have to disagree with a statement that being gay is a learned behavior. And the reason for that is – when I was growing up behind the Iron Curtain, there were no gay people around me. I had no idea that other gay people existed till I was 23. As funny as it sounds but me and Martina were the only lesbians in the whole world….ha…ha..
      I couldn’t learn this behavior as there was no sex or homosexual people in the Soviet Union. (this is a common joke) However, if we talk seriously, those two things never got discussed and I was, definitely, not exposed to that.

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