Is your relationship bringing the best out in you or it is enforcing your insecurities? Are you becoming a better person or you are noticing that things are getting more difficult?
When you have found that one special person (either a partner or just a friend) and make a choice to keep them in your life, it should be because they bring peace, happiness, stability, different ways of looking at life, events, situations, and they challenge you to become better.
Relationships, any relationships, (should) create a feeling of stability and content in your life. You think of that person and you feel trust, you feel appreciation, and respect. Your partner or your friend will challenge you, will question your decisions, will constructively criticize you, call your bullshit, and show you a different perspective.
Are you glowing? Do your friends, family, and co-workers see a positive change in you? Do they notice how happy you are or are they looking at you and wondering about reasons you have changed? Do they notice and acknowledge that this relationship is the best thing that could have happened to you?
Are you calmer? Are you less irritable? Are you able to talk to your partner about everything and share your fears, concerns, and dislikes? Are you able to tell your partner that you want to spend a weekend with your friends without your them? Or you are avoiding situations like that and find all kinds of excuses? Are you rationalizing every choice you make?
Are you sure about your own choices? Do you trust yourself and your relationships?
Maybe its time to look at yourself and your attitude? Are you even ready to have any relationships – not just romantic but also friendships?
When I think of my partners (ex and present) and my friends, these are qualities I value the most:
- integrity: Ethical principles and values.
- reliability: I know they will stand by me through thin and thick. I know they will call me on my bullshit and not let me live in denial. I rely on them to set me straight
- doing what’s right and not what is perhaps easy: Never choose between your friends and your partner as they both can co-exist.
- honesty: I’d rather hear the truth and deal with it. I do not like playing games.
- declining to participate in destructive gossip or spreading rumors: Geezez, I hate drama
- trustworthy: I want to be able to trust my friends and my partner to be honest with me no matter what and also expect no less of me. If it takes brutal honesty, then that is what it is – both ways.
- admitting faults and willing to work through misunderstandings: we build our relationship not just on laughter and fun but also on difficulties that we face together
Self awareness is the change agent for enhancing our credibility in our own eyes and having a positive impact on those who surround us.
So, what friends do you want in your life? Are you ready to have good friends or you just want to have somebody to spent time with and support you no matter what you do and what choices you make.
Do you want honesty and trust that sometimes comes with great pain and struggles or you just want to spend time together drinking beer, talking about relationships and avoiding every relationship that will make you look deeper into yourself and maybe even admit that you usually chose the easy way out?